Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-02 17:23:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was 3 deer hunters went out in the woods one day 2 smart ones & one dork. one went gone for about an hour had his deer. second guy asked him how he got his catch. he replied found the tracks followed the tracks found the deer & killed him. the second hunter went out for an hour came back with his deer. his friends asked him how he got his catch. he replied found the tracks followed the tracks found the deer & killed the deer. the third hunter the dork went out for an hour came back. the others asked him what happened to him. he was all bruised up he replied he saw the tracks followed the tracks got hit by a train.

2007-01-02 17:18:35 · 12 answers · asked by audrey_halley2004 4

A man appeared before St.Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have u ever done anything during your lifetime on earth of particular merit.?" St Peter asked.
"Well i can think of 1 thing," the man offered.
"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
"I directed them to leave her alone, but they would not listen..."So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped off his nose ring,and threw it on the ground.
"I yelled , Now back off!"
St.Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?" he asked.

"Couple minutes ago."

2007-01-02 17:09:00 · 9 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2007-01-02 17:06:03 · 9 answers · asked by punk_ass 2

> A RIDDLE THAT'LL KILL YOUR BRAIN!
>
> This is going to make you so MAD! There are three
> words in the English
> language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the
> other is hungry. EveryONE
> knows what the third ONE means and what it stands
> for. EveryONE uses them
> everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've
> given you the third word.
> What is it? _______gry?

2007-01-02 17:05:05 · 14 answers · asked by pirate_babe970 1

2007-01-02 16:51:14 · 8 answers · asked by Kevin A 1

at the end of the line!

2007-01-02 16:45:19 · 5 answers · asked by audrey_halley2004 4

I need to find a way to arrange 7 cigarettes, or identical cylinderical tubes in such a way that all 7 are in contact (at some point) with each other. i.e cigarette 1 touches cigarette 2,3,4,5,6 and 7, cigarette 2 touches cigarette 1,3,4,5,6 and 7..... and so on.

Is it even possible?

Cheers Nikolai

2007-01-02 16:27:20 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus' "

2007-01-02 16:17:31 · 14 answers · asked by Mary 6

2007-01-02 16:07:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

about how things with the wife were boring. Hearing this the waiter offered some advice. He told the man that marriages in his country love making is an art.
"First we take a bath together, then we start making love, we stop and have some gingsing tea, for prowess, then we make more love but stop to have rice cakes, then we continue until we are exhausted."
The little old man decided to give it a try.
When he got home, he filled the tub and called his wife.
"What do you want? What are you doing? Stop with my clothes."
After a struggle he got her undressed and in the tub. He got in with her.
"Herman, this tub is too small, Look water is on the floor."
He got her out of the tub and took her to bed. After about 5 minutes he got up."Where are you going?"
He came back with some tea. They drank the tea and started again. After a few minutes he got up again and came back with a pastrami sandwich.
"Dammit Herman,' she said "you screw like a chinaman

2007-01-02 16:06:56 · 6 answers · asked by homo.jesus 2

What row of numbers comes next in this series?


1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

2007-01-02 15:58:59 · 15 answers · asked by Saм 2

2007-01-02 15:57:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 15:38:39 · 32 answers · asked by Richard 7

A newly married couple were discussing their new life of living together. The male states "We should have some kind of code for when we are in bed so I know when you want to have sex. Something like... when you want to you just reach over and give me penis a tug or two."

"Well," responds the woman, "what's the signal of I don't want to have sex?"

The man replied, "In that case, just reach over and tug it 50 to 60 times."

2007-01-02 15:25:41 · 12 answers · asked by wolvie145 3

A virile, young Italian guy was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned and admitted, "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her and the love making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The lovemaking ends, and again, the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping.

Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No! I Danish"

2007-01-02 15:21:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 15:21:11 · 17 answers · asked by homersherrife 1

most of u have probably seen this video it's retarted/hillarious!
the brother in the back with the orange shirt is constantly flipping out! lol just thought I'd share it
enjoy!
http://youtube.com/watch_fullscreen?video_id=jcrmEi5tJ7Y&l=169&t=OEgsToPDskKv06TVCEQ71mLXGfLtLwsR&fs=1&title=Crazy Frog Bros

2007-01-02 15:15:45 · 6 answers · asked by Unknown Artist~ 4

hey I want to know some riddles or jokes..........please.........one with the best joke(s) wins

2007-01-02 14:54:37 · 1 answers · asked by Taylah. 3

Love I sit
Love I stand
Love I hold in my right hand
Love i see in yonders tree
If you can answer this
You can hang me

That is the whole riddle word for word if you get close to the answer i will give you 10 points????????????????

GOOD LUCK :)

2007-01-02 14:46:37 · 16 answers · asked by sjb_sparkles 2

2007-01-02 14:28:49 · 13 answers · asked by Marie 3

gimme a hundred ways ta get kicked out of walmart. the best one gets 10 points

2007-01-02 14:20:46 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

He Hung up

2007-01-02 14:17:22 · 20 answers · asked by bananarepublic 2

2007-01-02 14:14:56 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

What occurs once in every minute, twice in every moment, yet never in a thousand years?

2007-01-02 14:13:13 · 15 answers · asked by Jibbs Boo 2

Steve decided to buy himself a secondhand motorbike. It was a pretty good deal, except one of the seals was missing. So whenever it rained, he would apply some vaseline to the spot where the seal should be to stop the rainwater getting in.

Anyway, one evening, his new girlfriend invited him to dinner to meet her parents. When he drove up on the bike she was waiting outside for him, and said "Whatever you do, don't say a word inside. We've had this silly argument about washing-up and the first person to speak has to do the lot".

When they got inside, Steve saw it was as bad as she said. Nobody was saying a word, and dirty dishes were piled high in the kitchen.

Dinner was certainly an uncomfortable affair, no one saying anything. So Steve decided to have a little fun. He grabbed his girlfriend, threw her across the table, and had sex with her there and then. Her Mum looked shocked and her Dad furious, but no one said anything.

Five minutes later, Steve, got up, grabbed Mum, threw her on the table and gave her a similar seeing to - girlfriend looked shocked this time, dad even more furious, but still not a word.

Suddenly there was a clap of thunder from outside and it began to rain. Thinking of his bike, Steve grabbed the vaseline and jumped out of his chair.

Dad also jumped out of his chair, yelling: "Oh, for Christ's sake. Alright, I'll do the fu**ing washing up!"

2007-01-02 14:02:41 · 19 answers · asked by Tink 5

two brothers went to a bar.
they both ordered beer.
one chugged the beer down really fast.
the other drank it slowly, taking his sweet time.
both the beer had poison in it, but the one who drank the beer slowly died.
why?

2007-01-02 13:59:35 · 9 answers · asked by Deidara. 2

2007-01-02 13:55:35 · 5 answers · asked by Calvin James Hammer 6

2007-01-02 13:53:32 · 18 answers · asked by geee 2

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He
breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in
bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While
tying the
homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses
her neck,
then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's
probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw
how he
kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain do
whatever he
tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy
is
obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be
strong, honey.
I love you!".
His wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me
that
he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I
told him it
was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you!".

2007-01-02 13:48:45 · 26 answers · asked by Tink 5