Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-03 06:26:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9. They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls

Funny stuff, huh? I didn't write this but whoever did this is some good stuff!

2007-01-03 06:13:39 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A.) "DEEEEELISCIOUS!"

2007-01-03 06:09:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

it's GREEN now
BUT
20 minutes later PING - RED

what is it?

2007-01-03 06:07:37 · 10 answers · asked by Kit 2

i dont know the exact quote but it goes something like"he tied his *** to a tree and walked 3 miles into jericho"

2007-01-03 06:00:21 · 6 answers · asked by peter.w 4

ok its not really a joke but i thought it was a funny question and i've always wanted to know!

2007-01-03 05:58:15 · 18 answers · asked by Anne Nonny Mouse 4

he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."

2007-01-03 05:48:18 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 05:43:59 · 13 answers · asked by curious George 3

one day Jesus was sitting in heaven talking to God about the world. He said that he thought the people of the world had forgot who he was. So God told Jesus to go to Earth again and see how many people recognized him. So Jesus leaves and goes to earth the next day. first he goes to a baptist church. he walks up to the preacher and says,
"do you know who I am?",
the preacher says "no sir i dont think i do."
So Jesus leaves and goes to a catholic church and says to the priest
"do you know who i am?".
the priest says "you look familiar but no i dont".
So jesus is fed up and pissed because no one knows who he is, so he goes to a jewish masonic temple. He walks in and says
"do you know who i am?"
the rabbi says "well u look familiar, give me a profile", so Jesus turns to the side.
"Nah, not yet let me see the other side of your face". So Jesus turns again.

2007-01-03 05:43:18 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

got any?

2007-01-03 05:42:17 · 8 answers · asked by yourmygoodfeeling 3

2007-01-03 05:35:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

every1 tell me everything that s food that yellow doesnt matter if its sweets drinks or fat free stuff just tell me and i will give best answer:)

2007-01-03 05:27:19 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

two sister lived on a farm and decide to go in cattle businss. the black haired sister told the blonde that she was going to the next town and she got $600.00 dollars out of the cookie jar. then told her sister she will let her know when to come and help bring the bull home[ they already had cows] off she walked. at that town black hair found a ull, the man ask for $599.00 the sister paid him. so she went to the teegraph office to sent a message to her sister. she told the man" come now sister, l found the bull." the man told her each word was a dollar. so black hair said " my sister is very slow so sent her this, comfortable.] ha ha ha ]

2007-01-03 05:26:49 · 1 answers · asked by Star-Dust 7

will you let me know of some more cause those are some of the Funniest Jokes i've ever heard.

2007-01-03 04:35:49 · 7 answers · asked by Nahum 2

Ive decided to tell this one for2cute4words to prove shes right i can do better:
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following;

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa ta spella Mississippi."
ps no offence to italians its just humour.

2007-01-03 04:12:36 · 9 answers · asked by a 1

The one who makes it sells it.
The one who buys it doesn't use it.
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it.
What is it

2007-01-03 04:04:35 · 12 answers · asked by kaimoe h 2

rap stands for retards attempting poetry.

2007-01-03 04:03:27 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's more powerful than God.
It's more evil than the devil.
The poor have it.
The rich need it.
If you eat it, you'll die.
What am I

2007-01-03 04:02:45 · 7 answers · asked by kaimoe h 2

Micheal Jackson took his kid to school one day. When they arrived he said to the kid "see you later aligator" and the kid replied" in a while pedeophile!!!"

2007-01-03 03:52:59 · 67 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she’d been there for three weeks. Man, I’m tellin’ you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."

2007-01-03 03:48:30 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I say "Everything I tell you is a lie," am I telling you the truth or a lie?

2007-01-03 03:47:11 · 22 answers · asked by kaimoe h 2

A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?

2007-01-03 03:45:43 · 14 answers · asked by kaimoe h 2

2007-01-03 03:21:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

cut down on our number of personnel.

Under the plan the older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.
Therefore a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of the current financial year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. The programme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early.)
Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the company, provided that they are being RAPED they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termintion). Under the terms of the new policy employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but be SHAFTED as

2007-01-03 03:20:52 · 11 answers · asked by JillPinky 7

walks into a bar,
Barman "Yes, what can I get for you?"
Skeleton "I'll have a pint and a mop , Please!"

2007-01-03 03:19:08 · 16 answers · asked by Roxy 2

There is a woman who is addicted to gambling on the slot machines. her husband takes her to a mental health adviser and they are told to spend a good time in bed together to take her mind off things. they reluctantly agree and spent the night in bed. the next day the husband goes to see the adviser alone. he is asked how his wife is and he replies, 'never mind her what about me. im the one with a sore penis and a bum full of coins!'

2007-01-03 03:17:22 · 8 answers · asked by a 1

nstructions for the guys:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert Card
3. Enter PIN
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away

Instructions for the Gals:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions
11. Hit "CANCEL"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

2007-01-03 03:08:51 · 17 answers · asked by Sultan Cartman 5

i will give 50p to anyone who can answer this riddle, was soo confusing at first but think about it for a minute and it should start to make sense

2007-01-03 03:08:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 03:03:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their robes.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds fitting in?"

2007-01-03 02:43:24 · 30 answers · asked by a 1