Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

... I have the whole drawer of unpaired!

2007-01-02 21:09:00 · 14 answers · asked by czerwonamaszyna 1

can any 1 give any gud information as to where to go. We want it hot and busy, pubs clubs you no the kind !!!!!!!!!!! ??????????

2007-01-02 20:52:31 · 13 answers · asked by CRAIG D 1

A man was shot to death while in his car. There were no powder marks on his clothing, which indicated that the gunman was outside the car. However, all the windows were up and the doors locked. After a close inspection was made, the only bullet-holes discovered were on the man's body.
How was he murdered?

2007-01-02 20:49:56 · 8 answers · asked by Jibbs Boo 2

im asking cuz its 1:47 am where i am and im going to take a shower and slleep starting.............





now.

2007-01-02 20:48:15 · 22 answers · asked by missannazhoo 2

...child.

2007-01-02 20:40:10 · 20 answers · asked by missannazhoo 2

Its a really tough one to figure out but if you think really hard you will figure it out I did but it wasn't easy ready here it goes...........

I have six horses and twelve stables how do I fit all six horses into all twelve stables

2007-01-02 20:31:00 · 2 answers · asked by Kitty 3

2007-01-02 20:27:20 · 13 answers · asked by kevin C 1

that C likes D, who would D tell?

2007-01-02 20:14:28 · 10 answers · asked by !Like OmG! 2

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArfUnLXBCRds_af_OeSiRfLsy6IX?qid=20070103005237AAWPtwy

2007-01-02 20:13:00 · 10 answers · asked by missannazhoo 2

2007-01-02 19:55:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man who builds IT sells IT.
a man who buys IT doesn't use IT.
a man who uses IT doesn't know it.


what is IT?

2007-01-02 19:52:37 · 14 answers · asked by missannazhoo 2

2007-01-02 19:49:51 · 12 answers · asked by missannazhoo 2

1. The head of the house is the one who is incharge of the remote control.

2. why do we sing hymns and not hers?
ans.: becaue we say a-men and not a-women,

3. If practice makes a man perfect and nobodys' perfect..then why practice?

2007-01-02 19:48:49 · 13 answers · asked by axilaryguy 1

Morbod humor is a humor style that despicts human expriences that are often taken seriously in a ridiculous and demoralizing manner, such as death, sickness and other grave subjects.

Please post some samples, I need it for my undergraduate disseration.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

2007-01-02 19:35:59 · 8 answers · asked by mad hatter 2

Theres a strange noise coming from my head...kinda like a whirring and buzzing sound...What could it be?

2007-01-02 19:33:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

has anybody seen that pissed red robin, the last time i saw it fell of nancys head into a bowl of keloggs frosties, guess that robin wont be bob bob bobing along no more

2007-01-02 19:32:45 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

You have probably heard this but cant please everyone on here, so here it goes.



Saddam would have liked to attend your new year's eve party but couldn't make it as he was feeling a bit hung over from the night before.

2007-01-02 19:27:20 · 20 answers · asked by 90210 aka Hummer Lover 6

ANY IDEAS?

2007-01-02 19:13:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sarah
My name is Sarah,
I am but three.
My eyes are swolen,
I cannot see.
I must be stupid,I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my Mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all,
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my Mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

2007-01-02 19:05:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

don't say something like "you have too much time on your hands" i found this on the internet and simply copied and pasted it, you can tell i didn't type it all because it's far more than 1000 characters, whoever can answer the most or if it's possible ALL these questions will earn 10 points and most importantly, my respect
BEGIN :)


What's the difference between a novel and a book?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?


How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
Can you cry underwater?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
How is chess considered a sport?
Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
Can you slam a revolving door?
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Can you read a picture book?
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
What shape is the sky?
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

2007-01-02 18:53:58 · 22 answers · asked by bananarepublic 2

try this.

Was this a mistake on Google's part!?!

1- Go to www.Google.com

2- Type in Failure

3- Look at it the first listing

2007-01-02 18:53:30 · 5 answers · asked by stormy31750 3

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

This is beautiful! Try not to cry.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating
room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ?
When can I see him ?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't
make it."



Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any
more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of
the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the
university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son.
She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you
like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.


Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a
plastic bag and handed it to Sally.



The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University
for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but
Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some
other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy
had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to
help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after
spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's
belongings on the seat beside her in the car.



The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty
house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock
of his hair to her son's room.


She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his
room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed
and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.



It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was
a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will
ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I
Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday
we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little
boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room
and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she
probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her
dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me.
This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got
here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see
everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you
know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw
Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess
what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was
somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a
letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that
wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and
His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name
of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me
to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He
when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when
His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with
all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've
written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.
Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to
write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the
table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.



Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all
gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't
stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of
Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery !
How about that ?


Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

2007-01-02 18:29:13 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it.
She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"

2007-01-02 18:28:37 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-02 18:23:44 · 18 answers · asked by MAI_Phils. 1

2007-01-02 17:43:43 · 16 answers · asked by ^^S3XY GENIUS^^ 1

Seriously...how does the rest of that go?
Oh, and feel free to make up your own :)

2007-01-02 17:43:33 · 8 answers · asked by ☆thumper203☆ 5

Ok, someone should get this easy.
You walk into a cave in the middle of a lush jungle. At the back of the cave you find a man and woman frozen in a block of ice. You take one look at them and determine that they are Adam and Eve. How do you come to this conclusion?

2007-01-02 17:31:15 · 12 answers · asked by rick and lydia 2

I saw a man in white, he looked quite a sight. He was not old, but he stood in the cold. And when he felt the sun, he started to run. Who could he be? Please answer me.

2007-01-02 17:25:39 · 27 answers · asked by n.hyatt 2

A prostitoad.

2007-01-02 17:24:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your mama so stupid that she was staring at the oj cartin because it said concentrate/

2007-01-02 17:23:55 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous