Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-03 08:51:53 · 27 answers · asked by Melissa 5

This guy living on the 20th floor in an apartment building got up early each morning to go to work in a downtown store. He always went into the elevator on the 20th floor and rode down to the entrance (1st floor). When he came home he always rode the elevator from the entrance and up to the 8th floor. He walked out of the elevator and walked the stairs up to his apartment on the 20th floor.

Why don't he take the elevator all the way up to his apartment?

2007-01-03 08:43:47 · 18 answers · asked by Jibbs Boo 2

my first number is odd
my second number is even
i am in the 30's
and i am 6+1 years older than beyonce

can you find me out?

2007-01-03 08:36:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 08:29:22 · 47 answers · asked by miss smidgey 4

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

2007-01-03 08:26:02 · 6 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

he broke his nose!

2007-01-03 08:25:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here are a few "what am I" riddles for your enjoyment. Can you answer them all (correctly, that is)?

(1) I am something that never asks any questions, but I demand a great many answers. What am I?

(2) I am something that is lighter than a feather, and yet harder to hold. What am I?

(3) Those who have me not, do not wish for me. Those who have me do not wish to lose me. Those who win me have me no longer. What am I?

(4) I occur once in every minute, twice in every moment, and yet not once in a thousand years. What am I?

(5) I am something that can run but can't walk. What am I?

(6) I am something that is full of holes and yet can hold water. What am I?

(7) I am something that has four legs and only one foot. What am I?

(8) I am something that has three feet and yet I am unable to walk. What am I?

2007-01-03 08:19:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

My uncle owns a photo company and he wanted to put some pictures on google to advertise. He let me be the 'perfect photo.' I need to guys to be real. Do I look really weird in that pic? Sorry about putting this in the jokes and riddles place, but i wanted some boy opinions, too. No boys go onto the Beauty and Style section!

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/419989/2/istockphoto_419989_pretty_girl.jpg

2007-01-03 08:10:04 · 24 answers · asked by tz 4

my mate who is not very clever but hard as nails left the pub one night really drunk.
as he was walking home 4 thugs approached him and asked him for his money.
he promptly told them to f@ck off so they attacked him.he smacked the first one in the nose and broke it.he then bit the 2nd thugs ear off the 3rd got a size 9 boot on his boll@cks and the 4th got a broken jaw.
the thugs were annoyed and attacked again but my mate put up a hell of a fight for 10 minutes but eventually the thugs got the better of him
there he was laying in the road with a busted nose/jaw/hand and covered in blood.
1 of the thugs put his hand in my mates pocket and pulled out 30 pence.he could not believe it and said to my mate
''FU@K ME MATE YOU PUT UP A FIGHT LIKE THAT FOR 30 PENCE''
As i said before my mate is a bit thick and he said
''''Fuc@ the 30 pence i thought you were after the £300 in my boot''

2007-01-03 07:58:06 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

any comments?

2007-01-03 07:48:28 · 19 answers · asked by Konrad 6

Here is a variant of the same problem: On the island of Alopecia the following facts are true:

1 . No two islanders have exactly the same number of hairs.

2. No islander has precisely 450 hairs.

3. There are more islanders than there are hairs on the head of any one islander.

What is the largest possible number of islanders on Alopecia?

2007-01-03 07:42:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because everytime his wife gets hot, he hits her over the head with a shovel.


Hahah :)

2007-01-03 07:37:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems.

They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup are all over their robes; hamhocks. Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold; some folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are beer bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."

The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the....!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?" The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?" The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord".

This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys!!"

2007-01-03 07:12:40 · 20 answers · asked by Lady 3

What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil,
The poor have it,
The rich need it,
And if you eat it, you'll die?

I've been recking my brains to come up with the answer. Whats yours?

2007-01-03 07:12:05 · 31 answers · asked by adozenredroses12 3

2007-01-03 07:10:46 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

2007-01-03 07:08:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 07:03:44 · 9 answers · asked by Mark R 1

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
To a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me
- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I
Want a divorce straight away!"

And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell
You what happened"

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll
Say to me!"

And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and
This young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out
And defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I
Noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
Told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion,
I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last
Night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on
Weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a
Good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I
Noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them
Away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that
You have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are
Too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary
Present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I
Found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
Wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at
The expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a
Pair like them.."

He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my
Understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned
To me with tears in her eyes and said 'Please... Do you have anything
Else that your wife doesn't use?'"

2007-01-03 06:58:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

some other ways.

2007-01-03 06:54:51 · 16 answers · asked by Keith B 4

The explorer was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener.
The explorer said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." The monkey said,
"No this is for the custard."

2007-01-03 06:54:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

if the answer to the question is COkK ROBIN what is the question

ANSWER----- GEE WOTS THAT UP MY ARS@ BATMAN

2007-01-03 06:53:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous due to chemicals and pesticides used on them, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and asked, "Is it wedding cake?"

2007-01-03 06:51:45 · 21 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Q-How can you tell if there's been a hippo in your fridge?
A-He leaves his initials in the butter.
What? Can anyone explain this joke to me cause I don't think it makes sense.

2007-01-03 06:51:34 · 31 answers · asked by Crisseye 2

2007-01-03 06:48:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-03 06:47:32 · 9 answers · asked by lee 1

I want to entertain my brain for the last hour and a half of work... *~sigh~*

2007-01-03 06:42:33 · 2 answers · asked by Aimee 2

John and Claire are just newly married. They are still a little shy about doing the "wild thing", so they decide to just refer to it as "washing the clothes". One night, Claire invites some of her friends over for dinner, but John is really horny and doesn't want to have to entertain their guests.

So, as Claire is serving the main course, he whispers in her ear, "Let's go wash the clothes". Claire is horrified that he could even suggest such a thing while they're entertaining, and she refuses. John tries again, but she won't give in. Claire tells him instead to go upstairs and get the candleholders from the hall closet. Frustrated, John slowly walks up the stairs to get them.

While he's upstairs, Claire thinks of the fun they'd have if they COULD "wash the clothes". Nah, she thinks. Not now. But eventually her imagination gets the best of her, and she tells the maid to run upstairs and tell John that she'll be up in a minute to help him.

2007-01-03 06:37:47 · 5 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6

Looking for the answer to this please!!

2007-01-03 06:28:09 · 10 answers · asked by Courtney 1

Every so often he would pour some beer on his hand. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was getting his date drunk.

2007-01-03 06:27:36 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4

that the jokes are getting ridiculous and are not that funny. We need to see some that will make us laugh, not just to go "Uh, I don't get it"?

2007-01-03 06:27:26 · 7 answers · asked by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6