Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-25 12:25:00 · 14 answers · asked by ? 1

2006-12-25 11:54:57 · 16 answers · asked by jennifer g 7

Dirt is thrown over me but i hold something beautiful.
First to guess it gets 10 points

2006-12-25 11:49:20 · 17 answers · asked by tz 4

There's this guy who gave his girlfriend some of his blood to save her life. When they broke up he said he wanted it all back. So she hands him a used tampon and said "I'll pay you back monthly."

2006-12-25 11:27:00 · 11 answers · asked by 22sa 3

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down, the bartender says to him you know we have a drink named after you. The grasshopper replied Jimmy?

2006-12-25 11:21:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

ouch it was an iron bar.......

i went to bed......

suddenly there was a tap at the door...
strange place for a tap.....

so i opened the door in my pyjamas.....
strange place for a door......

i looked out the window........a tall blonde smiled at me
she must have been tall i was on the eighth floor....

she rolled her eyes at me.....
i picked them up and rolled them back......

id had enough of this and i ran downstairs, i said "waiter call me a cab"
the waiter said " mister your a cab"


i cant bear any more merry christmas

2006-12-25 11:13:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife says to her cheap husband " what should we give the mail man for chirstmas?" The husband says "Give him 2 bucks in a envelope screw him!!"

The Next day the mail man comes, the wife runs to the door, gives him the envelope and lays naked on the sofa.

Shocked the mail man says " Oh my god I wasn't expecting this!"

The wife says " my husband said to give you 2 bucks and to screw you"

2006-12-25 10:58:31 · 6 answers · asked by KerryAnn 4

2006-12-25 10:54:59 · 11 answers · asked by lorz 1

I am there when u look up
I am how u feel when u are sad
what am i?

2006-12-25 10:32:02 · 8 answers · asked by tz 4

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first,
the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

2006-12-25 10:31:33 · 17 answers · asked by a m 4

they were a scots man a english man and a irish man in the middle of the sahara desert the engilsh man trips up on some thing so he picks it up and gives it a rub bang a ginie comes out and says im the ginie if the lamp i grant u 3 wishes so they decided to take one each the scots man says aye i would like tae go back tae scotland tae see ma family so the ginie puts him back to scotland the english man says i would like to go back to good old england to see my family to so the ginie puts him back to england finaly the irish mans sits there for a whille ginie im a we bit lonly can i have my friends back
please rate

2006-12-25 10:15:41 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

have your answer for each line:

how do you put a elephant in the refrigerator?

How do u put a giraffe in the refrigerator?

All the animals in the animal kingdom are having a meeting. which animal isn't there?

You come to a river that is named aligator river because it is full of aligators. how do u get accross?

More kindergarteners gor this right than hardvard students. maybe that will make u see this riddle in a different way ;)

2006-12-25 10:11:49 · 6 answers · asked by tz 4

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!" I said, "Great. Tell me
why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I
knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's
great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's
more." I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?" She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!" Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....



"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually
had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out
positive!"

2006-12-25 10:04:08 · 12 answers · asked by a m 4

A young woman who was seven months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and
he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in
such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I
couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an
advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove
Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then
I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented this accident.'" He won the case.

2006-12-25 09:55:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

you want to go home, but there are two paths in front of you, one to the left and the other to the right. You are not sure which one to take. There are two statues at the intersection. One of them always lies whereas the other always tells the truth. You can ask only one question, (NOT one to each statue, you can ask one ONLY) and you need to ask such a question that you will know which path to take. You do not know which statue lies and which one tells the truth. Which question will you ask?

2006-12-25 09:48:56 · 16 answers · asked by John Frusciante 1

1
1 vampire
aa aa aaa

2006-12-25 09:38:21 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

here is the riddle. 3 couples need to cross the river on a boat, u cant leave a guy with more than one lady as they wud run away. i hope this makes sense.

2006-12-25 09:37:45 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a store and asks:

Man: "Hi, do you sell guitars?"

The man at the counter,Joe, looks at him and says:

Joe: "Here? At guitar world? Gee, i don't know."

Man: "Okay mister sarcastic, just give me a guitar."

Joe: "What kind?"

Man: "How about that red one over there".

Joe: "Okay, That will be: $9,000."

Man: "What!? Why would a guitar be $9,000?

Joe: "i don't know. Just give me the money".

Man: "FINE!"

The man gives Joe the $9,000 and leaves. 20 minutes after the man left Joe quickly runs out of the shop and sees Carl (his friend) and says:

Joe: "Hey Carl, we got another one!"

Tell me what you think and don't forget to rate. 1-10
1 means it's bad and 10 means it's good.

2006-12-25 09:19:40 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 08:59:37 · 12 answers · asked by kelly r 4

2006-12-25 08:47:49 · 17 answers · asked by bobiska 2

(Now that I got youre attention) were searching for a Christmas tree together in the forest,They were looking for hours in unbearable below zero tempatures,One of them looks at the other after wiping snot from her nose and said"Im smarter than you think ya no,Im cutting down the next tree no matter if its decorated or not....

2006-12-25 08:46:16 · 10 answers · asked by J.B.1972 6

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mello Yello. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

oh and Merry Christmas!!

2006-12-25 08:29:39 · 23 answers · asked by Pinky 6

what's as big as an elephant & weighs nothing?

2006-12-25 08:03:27 · 17 answers · asked by pinoke27 1

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.

2006-12-25 07:57:53 · 14 answers · asked by a m 4

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.

I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.

I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.

I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.

If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.

Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the riddle?

2006-12-25 07:45:14 · 22 answers · asked by pinkgirl9109 2

I have a neighbor across the street from me who gets real excited when she sees me. She gets really loud and pretends she is laughing (at me I suppose). This has been going on for 32 years. We have had other problems too.

2006-12-25 07:43:31 · 7 answers · asked by Jacks036 5

Was it sucssessful, any side effects, would you do it again?

2006-12-25 07:43:24 · 12 answers · asked by Roy R 1

2006-12-25 07:35:40 · 30 answers · asked by naughty boy 1

2006-12-25 07:24:36 · 10 answers · asked by 1978nevaeh 3

blonde: there is a fire at my house

dispatcher:ok how do we get there?

blonde:by fire truck duh!!!!!!

2006-12-25 07:18:28 · 20 answers · asked by lynnepeterpan 4