Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

In one prison facility, inmates spend their break time exchanging jokes.

There is this old-timer inmate who never fails to set-off laughter every time he tells joke. The other inmates were so used to the old-timer's recycled joke that, the old-timer just have to say the joke number...like "Joke #1"...then laughter burst out. "Joke # 11"...another burst of laughter...and so on.

Now comes a new convict. At first, he can not understand why other inmates would laugh by mere mention of a joke number, but when he found out what the joke was behind each number, he too has a laugh. But the new inmate has other things in mind. He wanted to be popular that he wanted to copy the old-timer's joke-by-the-number.

One day, he joined a gathering and said...I will tell you a joke..."Joke# 5". No laughter. He tried again..."Joke# 21"...still no laughter

Wondering, he asked the old-timer how he can make others laugh but he can't.

The old-timer replied:

It's how you deliver the Joke, son.

2006-12-26 01:01:26 · 14 answers · asked by Mr. Kite 2

the answer is not -3...

2006-12-26 00:59:32 · 15 answers · asked by cigarette lighter 1

2006-12-26 00:28:28 · 9 answers · asked by Snowshoe 3

one verse is...

I have an old tom cat
and santa is his name
I keep him nice and Fat
But he hates me just the same
He got at me today
with those needles in his paws
and now Im wairin bandages on account of Santas Claws....
.....Jangel Bells Jangel Bells ringin load and gay
dont hitch up old dobin if your comin after me,

ANYONE HAVE IT???

2006-12-26 00:19:34 · 1 answers · asked by TopTupperware K 2

does it sound ancient or hip? & what
would the perfect nickname for someone
who has this name...?

2006-12-26 00:16:07 · 5 answers · asked by Vicky_Icky 3

2006-12-26 00:00:18 · 31 answers · asked by The Answering Machine 4

Three girlfriends get in a car accident and die. They wake up and all they see is ducks. Everywhere, ducks. Millions of ducks. St. Peter comes up to them and tells them that they must not step on a duck and if they do they will be punished. So they tip-toe around and one of the girls steps on a duck. St. Peter comes over to her with the ugliest guy she has ever seen and chains them together for all eternity. The other two are scared and walk very carefully but eventually the second girl accidentally steps on a duck. St. Peter walks over with the most hideous, disgusting guy she has ever seen and chains them together for all eternity. Well the third girl is very alarmed and is even more careful than ever. Months go by and she hasn't stepped on a duck. One day St. Peter walks over with the most beautiful man she has ever seen in all her life and chains them together. She is so happy! She says "Oh my, what have I done to deserve this?" The guy says; "I don't know about you, but I just stepped on a duck."

2006-12-25 23:59:31 · 12 answers · asked by spaacedogg 3

Clue: "U" Just can't reply to this question without using 'It' ".

2006-12-25 23:29:15 · 24 answers · asked by Deve 2

2006-12-25 23:03:00 · 11 answers · asked by namesake 3

It finally all makes sense... I never looked at it this way before. MENtal illnes, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist and when we have REAL trouble, its a HISterectomy! Ever notice how women's problems start with MEN?!

2006-12-25 22:47:48 · 17 answers · asked by Little Red Riding Hood 3

a plane full of lawyers?

They called down to ground control with their list of demands,
threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release
one lawyer every hour.

2006-12-25 22:23:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Kinda quiet in here he says

yeh they`ve all gone to the hanging

Who are they hanging?

the Brown Paper Kid

The Brown Paper kid? why do they call him that?

cos his shirt is made out of brown paper,his jeans are made out of brown paper, his hat is made out of brown paper, in fact everthing he wears is made out of brown paper.

What are they hanging him for?







RUSTLING

2006-12-25 22:12:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok 2 blonds go hunting for birds and in the woods they got hopelessly lost (their blonde):

blond 1: well we are lost
blond 2: i read that if we shot into the air 3 times then help will come
(shoots into air)
(a hour later)
blond 1: should we try again?
(shoots into ait)
(hour later)
blond 2: ok again
blond 1: are u sure? these are our last 3 arrows

2006-12-25 22:06:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?


Professional courtesy.

2006-12-25 21:52:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 21:40:29 · 8 answers · asked by Tim-D-Man 1

Why did the chicken cross the road???

2006-12-25 21:09:44 · 19 answers · asked by KB_24 1

Bridget went to the doctors, i am worried about my husband, we have been married for 2 years and he has never had sex with me, i dont think he knows what to do she moaned, i wondered if you could have a talk to him.
The doctor agreed and later that dayshe arrived at the surgery with Paddy.
As the doctor was explaining to him what to do, Paddy looked realy blank. Bridget whispered to the doctor, maybe if we showed him what to do, it might help, the doctor agreed and after a heated session.
The doctor told Paddy, his wife needed that al least 3 times a week.
Paddy agree and said can i bring her in on a monday thursday and friday

2006-12-25 20:38:34 · 22 answers · asked by spiritania 1

I have four mouth and four legs, I love to eat people. I do not breathe, for that I am not a living creature. You use me every day.
What am I?

2006-12-25 20:35:15 · 6 answers · asked by Sonic The Hedgehog 1

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night!
A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!
A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle, a group of geese in the air is a skein!
A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though!
A hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute on average!
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside!
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny!
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court!
A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove!
After eating, a housefly regurgitates its food and then eats it again!
Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings!

2006-12-25 20:28:40 · 27 answers · asked by skippy's mum 4

two hours of making love with this girl i met in a pub , and i said , am i the first bloke that ever made love to you , she said , you might be , your face does look a bit familiar ?

2006-12-25 20:22:22 · 20 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

2006-12-25 20:21:16 · 17 answers · asked by The asker 1

2006-12-25 20:17:13 · 14 answers · asked by KNOWALL 2

2006-12-25 20:11:04 · 6 answers · asked by Peehu 1

2006-12-25 20:09:04 · 17 answers · asked by KNOWALL 2

yeah.... they flew some jets over there,
dropped some viagra... the prick stood up
and they shot him.

2006-12-25 20:07:08 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary.

That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night.

She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked.

He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out.' "

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her, and he replied, "Mission accomplished."

2006-12-25 20:03:58 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two good buddies, Bill and Bob, were way out
in the boonies out hunting and not having
much luck. Finally they decide to take a few
minutes and rest a bit, when Bob, decides
that he has to go pee.

Unfortunately for Bob, he does'nt look out
where he pointing his pecker, and a rattle-
snake bites him on the head of his dick!!!

Well, after several seconds of jumping,
screaming, and begging, the snake finally
lets go and slithers away into the grass.
And as luck would have it, neither one knew
how to treat a snake bite, so Bill decided
that he would hike out and get to a doctor.

After several hours of hiking, Bill finally
finds a doctor who tells him that he must,
in order to save his friends life, suck the
venom out of the bite with his mouth. And,
as luck would have it, the doctor had a dirt
bike on hand that he loaned to Bill to help
rescue Bob.

So with the dirtbike, Bill was able to get
to Bob in short order, and when Bob saw Bill,
he weakly asked him, "What did the doctor
tell you?" And Bill said: "You gonna Die!!!"

2006-12-25 20:02:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

think i should do , santa has made a mistake and left the wrong pressie for me , he's left me a blow up doll ( whatever that is ) and as i'm a bloke i obviously dont play with dolls , do you think i should wait till next year and give it back to him , or give it to a charity shop ?

2006-12-25 19:52:50 · 17 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

A man thought that his wife was cheating on him so he came home early. When he walked though the door he heard noises in his bedroom so he ran up the sairs and into his room. he then found his wife naked, sweating and panting. he asked what's wrong.
I'm having a heart attack!!! She yelled
He then ran down the stairs and grabbed the phone to call 000. His 4 year old son came up and said " Daddy uncle Ted is in the closet naked"
Hearing this he ran back into his room and threw open the closet and there was his brother hiding form him. He then yelled " What is wrong with you?! My wife is having a heart attack and your hiding in my running around nacked scaring little kids!"

2006-12-25 19:25:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 19:15:24 · 22 answers · asked by Candice S 1