Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

I'm on Weffriddles level 57, and I want to know how to solve it. I'm assuming you use the code in the source and come up with a number and then you apply each number to eygldijv to get the answer (eg if the first number was 1 the e would become an r). Be specific, what do I do to the code?

2006-12-25 19:14:04 · 2 answers · asked by pdx 2

We better get some support soon, or people will think we're nuts!!!

2006-12-25 18:30:25 · 11 answers · asked by red92fh 4

A recruitment agency was screening applicants for Male bikini inspectors (B.I). Their client being a conservative one, wanted a B.I not having an erection while performing job.

So the agency let 10 applicants undergo test, one of whom we call Mike. In a closed room, all applicants stripped down, told to put their clothes across the room, then go back stand in a line-up. Then, naked young ladies entered the room one by one as if in a parade.

Every time a lady passes by Mike, he can not help but have a mega hard-on. But the other 9 never had a problem, they kept their ***** as lame as a hanging sausage.

At the end of the test, the recruitment manager told Mike, who knew it was coming, that he didn't pass the test.

So Mike went to the heap of clothes stacked across the room, shaking his head, bend over to pick up his clothes.

All of a sudden, the room comes alive with 9 other excited applicants, eyes widened, mouth opened....and man...had the hardest hard-on seeing Mike's behind!

2006-12-25 18:23:05 · 10 answers · asked by Mr. Kite 2

A rich man was found dead one sunday afternoon and the only people in the house were the his wife,maid, the butler,and the chef
the police officer ask everyone exactly what they were doing at the time

The wife replied- " well i was in the shower "
The maid replied- " i was out getting the mail
The butler replied- " i was getting towles for the lady "
The chef replied- " i was cooking lunch "

so who killed him?

2006-12-25 18:20:05 · 16 answers · asked by The Con 5

markus recieves a christmas card saying:

ABCDEFGHI
JKMNOPQR
STUVWXYZ

wat does this mean??

2006-12-25 18:12:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A baby is just born from a black mother and a white father. What is the color of the baby's teeth???

if no one guesses ill post answer

2006-12-25 18:11:45 · 9 answers · asked by The Con 5

Who ever has the funnest name gets best answer LOL

2006-12-25 18:06:19 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The seven pairs of letters below share a common pattern. Which one of the five pairs below belongs with this set?

GT JQ KP DW

CX IR HS

Choose from:
DE AY KZ LO ET

2006-12-25 18:05:50 · 8 answers · asked by Hi 1

You are driving a bus and the driving shift will last for only 6 hours. The bus starts with no people. On the first hour, the driver picks up twenty passengers and drops off 10 passengers. On the second hour, the driver picks up 5 passengers and drops off 7 passengers. On the third hour, the driver picks up 15 passengers and drops off 14 passengers. On the fourth hour, the driver picks up 7 passengers and drops off the same ammount. On the fifth hour, you have no entering passengers and everyone who remained on the bus got to their destination. On the sixth hour you only have ONE passenger that goes and leaves. But before that passenger left, that passenger complimented the bus driver's eyes. What color are the bus driver's eyes?

Note: If you think I messed up the riddle's story, ur wrong. I read it off three times and this is how its supposed to be. Kapeesh :)?

If you get the right answer, I'll choose yours as the best answer and rate it a 5...

2006-12-25 18:02:32 · 9 answers · asked by Kathrine 1

I thought this joke was funny

So Mike was going over his girlfriends house for dinner
While they were eating Mike had to fart really bad
So he though if he let them out slowley no1 will here
So he lets the first one out then the father yells out
DAVIS!!!!
Mike thinkning this is great because the dad thinks its te dog
Hes lets out another one. once again
DAVIS!!!!!!!!
Mike being soo happy he lets another one out..
Now the father yells out
DAVIS GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE HE S/HITS ON YOU!!!!!


like it?

2006-12-25 17:59:35 · 9 answers · asked by The Con 5

The capital letters C, O, S and U hold a distinction amoung all other capital letters. Can you figure out what the distinction is?

C O S U

2006-12-25 17:59:23 · 7 answers · asked by Hi 1

Pick a number (between 2 and 10)

multiply by 2

add 5

multiply by 50

if your birthday passed for this year, add 1756....
if it hasnt passed yet, add 1755

subtract the year you were born in

you will get a three-digits number... the first digit is the number you picked and the last two digists are you AGE!

I want to know if there is a mathematical way to explain this riddle! Its giving me a headache! Help!

2006-12-25 17:47:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

When are you most likely to dream about monsters?
A: When you are sleeping! :)

Hehehe... and here is today's riddle:

Why was the spider using the computer?

Good Luck! :)

2006-12-25 17:46:49 · 16 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A Scotsman phones a dentist to inquire about the cost for a tooth

extraction.

"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"£85!!! Huv ye no' got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an
anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful.

But the price could drop to £40"

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the
extraction, with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you
£5, but it's going to be very traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman."

"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

2006-12-25 17:46:39 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on...

She replied, "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers!!"

2006-12-25 17:44:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 17:44:48 · 10 answers · asked by spiritania 1

Four of the five words below share a common characteristic. Can you figure out which word doesn't belong?

1) REPAPER
2) ROTATOR
3) KAYAK
4) REDIVIDES
5) DEIFIED

Look Closely! :-)

2006-12-25 17:41:14 · 17 answers · asked by Hi 1

Effective Immediately:

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs -- you should not consider removing anything, since we hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year, which we call "Saturday" and "Sunday".

VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two week's notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing, and in advance.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Have a nice week.

2006-12-25 17:38:58 · 4 answers · asked by Woody 3

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!


It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?"

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?"

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."

2006-12-25 17:21:28 · 13 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "Hello! Is there anyone here?!" Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away... "We're down here."

2006-12-25 17:21:16 · 10 answers · asked by J G 1

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out, and they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go head and kick it up a notch.

Surprised, the doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

But when they got home, the mailman was lying dead on the porch.

2006-12-25 17:19:48 · 11 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

What's your favorite restaurant? I am just wondering...looking where to go out today! Thank You!

2006-12-25 17:08:11 · 20 answers · asked by Hi 1

or is it just my 14 year old cuz just yesterday

2006-12-25 17:03:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 17:01:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

if 1=5

2=25

3=125

4=625

5=?

2006-12-25 17:00:05 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

if johnny has two apples and david has four apples, why don't they just shut the **** up and eat?

2006-12-25 16:56:57 · 4 answers · asked by livindead91 2

To give you Ten?

2006-12-25 16:56:48 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

2006-12-25 16:54:15 · 23 answers · asked by Pimperella4u 1

i just did

2006-12-25 16:50:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just a little humor on this fine Christmas day.

2006-12-25 16:43:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous