Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

I was talking to this girl at Japanese club. She talked about a teacher who seated Asian people in the front and Blck people in the back. A kid pointed that out: "How come...?
The teacher responded: "Size order"

2006-12-25 07:14:38 · 8 answers · asked by Ayan (ai-en) 1

2006-12-25 06:59:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 06:48:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Irishman is walking down the street and sees a sandwich box on the side of the road with wires sticking out of it.
Rushing to a payphone, he phones the police and says "hello, police, I think I've just found a bomb in a sandwich box on my street!!"
The voice on the other end of the line says "okay, okay sir, don't panic! First tell me a bit more, is the sandwich box tickin'?"
"No, no" says the Irishman "It's beef!"

2006-12-25 06:46:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

The new English Paratrooper Captain was assigned to a Irish Regiment in a remote post in the Lebanese desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Irish Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "As you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir sometimes the men have...m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir."

The English Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Irish Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild,insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the Irish do it?"

"Uh, no sir," the Sergeant replies.

"They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

2006-12-25 06:33:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 06:06:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-25 06:00:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde and the Titanic ? They know how many men went down on the Titanic !!!

2006-12-25 05:58:58 · 13 answers · asked by Shredder 6

2006-12-25 05:48:03 · 5 answers · asked by suresh r 1

There is this guy in the hospital. He had cancer. The doctor came in and said, "I have good news and even worse news." The sick guy said, "Tell me the bad news first and then the worse one last." The doctor said, "Well, the bad news is that you have 24 hours to live. The worse news is that you should have known this yesterday."

I always laugh at that when I hear that joke.

2006-12-25 05:47:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

right leg say to her left leg ? Nothing they have never met !!!!!!!

2006-12-25 05:40:09 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

I want to teach my 3 year old some jokes that he can remember. They need to be short and easy to remember. Something cute. So far we have, What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho Cheese. (Nothing that would make his grandma blush please.)

2006-12-25 05:35:58 · 5 answers · asked by BlueFish 3

have you heard of this music king dieing today . james brown the inorvator of so much of what music is today from rap to rock and roll pass away this mornig . i just like to send my condolences to his family .

2006-12-25 05:32:42 · 1 answers · asked by ? 6

why were the thalidomite muslims stopped at the airport?




they weren't allowed to bring small arms into the country.

2006-12-25 04:45:36 · 16 answers · asked by ciaran_m_o 2

Why did Matt Baker leave Blue Peter? Did he fall out with someone?

2006-12-25 04:40:25 · 1 answers · asked by Dr Watson (UK) 5

With snail varnish.

Merry Christams.
Sorry about the joke, it was in a cracker.

2006-12-25 04:39:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

So all the young kids are in the classroom and their young and attractive female schoolteacher says "OK kids, now, I'm going to tell you about subtractions".

So she explains the principle to the kids and after that says : "It's time for a practical example. There are ten birds aligned on a branch, a hunter shoots one of them, how many birds are there left?" A little girl raises her hand and says "well, 9, miss" "Very good" says the teacher.

But then at the back of the classroom, little Frank raises his hand. "Yes Frank" ? "Well, ma'am, it's wrong. You see, birds aren't stupid. As soon as the hunter shoots, the noise scares them away! So there's no bird left on the branch!" The teacher says "well, I wanted a practical example to explain subtraction. But it's poetic, I like your way of thinking."

Little Frank remains silent till the end of the class when he raises his hand again.

(contd. below...)

2006-12-25 04:36:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Girl feels thirsty, so she goes to a well. There she finds a Frog on the outer wall of the well.

Frog: Hey you, Stupid Girl. What are you doing here at my well?
Girl: What do you mean by 'My Well', You Frog. Just shut your mouth else I will punch you down there!!!

Frog: Hey you Stupid lass, why are all Girls so stupid?
Girl: You bl00dy stinking frog, just mind your language?

Frog: But why are Girls stupid? Tell plz.
Girl: This is final warning to control yourself or else......
(At this moment, Frog jumps into the well)

Girl: Ohhhhhh, I was just scaring him, but why did he commit suicide???

2006-12-25 04:25:48 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A horse walked into a bar and sat down, the bartender walks over to him and says "why the long face"

2006-12-25 04:20:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Silent Treatment
> > >
> > > A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving
> > >each
> > > other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next
> > >day,
> > > he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning
> > >business flight.
> > > Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote
> on
> > >a piece of paper,
> > > "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would
find
> it.
> > > The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00
AM
> > > and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
> > > see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of
paper
> by
> > > the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
> > > Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

2006-12-25 04:05:15 · 32 answers · asked by INSANE SUGARPUFF 6

A couple were sitting in the living room watching TV when
the phone rang.

The husband picked it up, listened for a minute then
screamed, "How the hell would I know? Call the weather
bureau!"

As he stomped back to his chair his wife asked, "What was
that all about?"

He replied, "Aw, it was just some dumb @ss wanting to know
if the coast was clear."

2006-12-25 03:59:50 · 20 answers · asked by a m 4

2006-12-25 03:58:45 · 7 answers · asked by to the moon 2

2006-12-25 03:46:52 · 4 answers · asked by ♪ ♫ ☮ NYbron ☮ ♪ ♫ 6

That the average woman receives sex at least once every two weeks. Now, considerin' that the average penis is 6 inches in length, and that the average lay requires at least 30 strokes minimum...that on average...a woman receives approx. 180 inches of penis per lay. That's at least 360 inches per month!!! Now, considerin that there is 5280 ft. in a mile, we see that the average woman receives over a half mile of penis per year.So Ladies....If You Are NOT Receiving Your Half Mile of Penis per Year....

You're gettin screwed....and didn't even Know It!!!!!

2006-12-25 03:44:52 · 17 answers · asked by a m 4

All of those I have heard from others are LAMEO! Help me~!

2006-12-25 03:43:09 · 6 answers · asked by Jane 1

2006-12-25 03:37:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country . . .we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . ”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex?

I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”

2006-12-25 03:33:39 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Blonde Interview
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And, ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Mandy!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh, that!", replies the blonde, "I was just running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"

2006-12-25 03:03:21 · 16 answers · asked by amudwar 3

My wife and I are in bed watching,Who wants to be a millionaire,when i turn to her and asked,do you want to have sex? NO-she answered. i said-is that your final answer,YES-she replied,then i said-I'd like to call a friend.

2006-12-25 03:02:02 · 11 answers · asked by kman1830 5

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to wish
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a
little
in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and
smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at
her.

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".

"Oh yes you can. Please?".... ......... ......

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you .. "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older
sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice
she said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need
be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake
and
all of ours....
"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL !!"

2006-12-25 02:58:49 · 12 answers · asked by amudwar 3