Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

pick the month you were born in

1 - I cuddled with
2 - I killed
3 - I ran naked with
4 - I jacked
5 - I killed
6 - I banged
7 - I needed
8 - I ran shirtless with
9 - I stabbed
10 - I ate out
11 - I slept with
12- I smoked with

Pick the day (number) you were born on

01 - the kool-aid man
02 - a horse
03 - a pornstar
04 - a toothbrush
05 - Santa Claus
06 - a bag of weed
07 - a prostitute
08 - your mom
09 - a jew
10 - a homo
11 - a bisexual
12 - Paris Hilton
13 - a whore
14 - a cat
15 - a pickle
16 - a glass of milk
17 - a milf
18 - a dog
19 - an orange
20 - a crackhead
21 - a bowl of cereal
22 - a easter egg
23 - my ex
24 - a condom
25 - a jar of honey
26 - a lesbian
27 - a homeless guy
28 - a french fry
29 - your dealer
30 - a stripper
31 - Ur grandma

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing

White - Because thats how i roll
Black - because im sexy as hell
Pink - Because the lil people told me to
Red - because I have AMAZING boobs
Blue - because I'm a pimp and your jealous
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because I'm gay
Gray - because I love marijuana
Other - because I have double D's
Green - because I'm beautiful
Orange - because I smoke crack
Turqoise - because I have a noodle in my nose
Brown - because i had to
Shirtless - because I've got abs

2006-12-26 06:23:24 · 46 answers · asked by Flafibopsicles 3

2006-12-26 06:20:34 · 5 answers · asked by ( : 1

I already know but it gives people something to do on boxing day.

2006-12-26 06:20:25 · 18 answers · asked by Because I Said So 7

what are some words that u can make from these leters

F S T H G I

it has to be at least 3 leters long and u can not use it twice

2006-12-26 06:19:57 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

im feeling like bleh.
someone give me some dead baby jokes plz?

2006-12-26 06:18:41 · 2 answers · asked by uhohspaghettiohohs 5

A man was driving down a country lane and all of a sudden, the Easter bunny hops out in front of him and he hits and kills him. He pulls over and cries until a blonde comes along. "what's wrong" she asked. He told her what happened and surprisingly, the blonde smiled and said wait here. She goes back to her car and comes back with a can. she sprays it on the dead rabbit and he comes back to life and waves. he starts hopping away and waves again. He keeps waving untill he is out of site and he says what did you spray? she showed him the can and read the label
"restores dead hair. adds permenant wave."

2006-12-26 05:50:58 · 49 answers · asked by starry_eyez70 4

the brain says "i have the knowlege to keep him going" the stomach says I feed him" the eyes say "i see for him" the a** says"I am in charge and i'm going on strike until i am recognised as the top organ.everyboby laughed so the a** went on strike soon the stomach was upset the eyes watered and could'd see and the brain couldn't cope with the upset eventually all relented and all was sweet so it proves you don't have to be an a** to be in charge but it helps


there's another violation notice coming my way(best to get in first)

2006-12-26 05:50:38 · 28 answers · asked by peter.w 4

2006-12-26 05:42:45 · 4 answers · asked by Bobby C 2

A man and his neighbor were heading out to their local golf course for a game on a sunny afternoon. The man arrived at the course, but he was waiting for quite a while, as his neighbor hadn’t turned up yet. Then he noticed a chap, a good acquaintance of his, carrying a golf bag walking there and waving “Hi”. The man called out to him,

MAN: "Would you like to join me for a game?"

CHAP: "Sure, I’ll be glad to join you."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the chap. Part way around the course, the man asks the chap,

MAN: "What do you do for a living?"

CHAP: "I'm a hit man."

MAN: "You're joking!"

CHAP: "No, I'm not,"

The chap reaches out into his golf bag, and pulls out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

CHAP: "Here are my tools."

MAN: "That's a beautiful telescopic sight; can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

(contd. below...)

2006-12-26 05:42:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

best one gets 10 points

2006-12-26 05:39:12 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I really need a laugh today, i am looking for the best one liner ever. 10 points to the winner :-)

2006-12-26 05:31:25 · 20 answers · asked by Tyler H 3

2006-12-26 05:19:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 05:17:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 05:08:51 · 4 answers · asked by bastaad 3

Doctor,Doctor, after the operation on my hands will i be able to play the piano?

Of course, mr Jones!

Well that's brilliant - because I can't now!

2006-12-26 05:05:50 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! LET ME OUTTA HERE SON!!!!!

LOL.

2006-12-26 05:05:39 · 12 answers · asked by motorcitysmadman2 2

2006-12-26 04:33:02 · 25 answers · asked by babydol556 1

The feet of the body is placed at the marker, (headstone) when buried. All this time, I have been talking to the their feet! So, why do we call the grave marker or headstone? Why not feetstone?

2006-12-26 04:32:49 · 17 answers · asked by Jeff W 1

the best answer will get 10 points

2006-12-26 04:27:09 · 43 answers · asked by pranav s 1

I have a heart but no love
I have diamonds but no wealth
I have spades but no shovels
I have clubs but no whiskey
I have royality but they do not rule
I have common folk but they do not work
I am read by psychics
and played by the best
money changes hands when my games are over
What am I?

2006-12-26 04:17:32 · 21 answers · asked by LunaFaye 4

If you dont like my rhymes
Then give me more time
And if they sound queer
I'll send none next year

2006-12-26 04:15:36 · 14 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1

2006-12-26 04:00:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 03:53:27 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 03:50:58 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-12-26 03:50:33 · 22 answers · asked by ANGIE N 1

2006-12-26 03:47:27 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 03:45:40 · 19 answers · asked by CHARLIEDONTSURF 2

2006-12-26 03:45:32 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

...to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his Mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" the Mom asked puzzled.

"Well, when you leave Ms. Parker from next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

2006-12-26 03:43:14 · 20 answers · asked by FaerieWhings 7

2 days ago, there was a murder case in US. The detective on the case was John Holmes. He worked on the case for hours trying to solve it. All evidence pointed to a suspect named Mark.

So John the detective went to see the suspect and asked him "there was a murder 2 days ago, do you know anything about it?"

Mark said "no, I wasn't in the US 2 days ago"

The detective asked "so where were you 2 days ago".

The suspect said "oh, I was at the north pole!! Oh my, it was cold but what a great trip!, I just got back this morning!"

Detective asked "what did you do there?"

The suspect said "oh not much, just took some pictures! Boy, the penguins were beautiful, they were the cutest things I saw!"

At that instant, the detective said "I know you were responsible for the murder! You are under arrest!"

Question: How did the detective know the suspect was lying??

2006-12-26 03:41:44 · 13 answers · asked by Webballs 6