Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

My nephew told me this when he was 5, and now he is going to be 10 next Tuesday.

2006-12-26 11:36:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, mixes in with politics and jokes:

If Bin Laden really wanted to criple America,he would have bombed every Wal-Mart in America.

And no, I did not steal this from militarybrat2232, I am her. I just forgot my password, so I signed up again.

2006-12-26 11:28:18 · 13 answers · asked by stephaine215 1

I was having trouble with my computer

So I called Harold the computer guy to come over.
Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,

"An ID ten T error? What's that in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold.

2006-12-26 11:26:52 · 19 answers · asked by a m 4

whoever gets this one right probably heard it before!

2006-12-26 11:23:06 · 32 answers · asked by me, myself, and i 3

2006-12-26 11:20:59 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

its gotta be cool

2006-12-26 11:13:55 · 8 answers · asked by Omar B 1

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says.

2006-12-26 11:10:15 · 21 answers · asked by a m 4

A guy walks in the bar and sees a young fellow sitting by himself in the bar table. He goes up to the guy and takes his drink from him and downs it all in one sip. The young guy begins to cry. The other guy says "Hey man, i was just playing with ya, i'll buy you another drink."

The young guy says "no, i'm not crying because of that. It's because I had a really horrible day today. I went to work really late for the millionth time and got fired, i lost my wallet, when i went out i found that somebody stole my car, i took a cab to go home and saw my wife having sex with my best friend, as i was walking to get to the bar some young punks in the street started to beat the hell out of me and when I finally got here to end my life, you come along and drink my poison."

2006-12-26 11:08:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 11:00:16 · 61 answers · asked by roxy 2

2006-12-26 10:57:50 · 9 answers · asked by stripemaster2005 2

A bartender is getting ready to close for the night when a robber bursts in and pulls a gun.?
“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”

“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”

The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over. The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a bl.ow job!”

“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”

The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.

The bartender picks the gun up off the floor and hands it back to the robber. “Hold the gun, dammit,” he says. “One of my friends might walk in!”

2006-12-26 10:40:48 · 11 answers · asked by Love Me♥ 2

Teacher, class use the word contagious.
Roland the school swot , last year I got the measles,my Mum said that they were contagious.
Exellent said teacher,any more.
Katie with the pigtails stood up and said, my Gran said there was a bug going around and that it's contagious. Well done Katie.
And from the back of the class came a loud strong Irish accent it was wee Paddy, Our neigh bour is painting his house white with a 1 inch brush
and my auntie called Always Laughing says it will take the contagious.

2006-12-26 10:35:09 · 14 answers · asked by terrano 4

2006-12-26 10:10:21 · 13 answers · asked by glacier 4

if a man is alone in the woods, and no woman is around to hear it, he is still wrong. lol

2006-12-26 10:03:18 · 17 answers · asked by jo_mello33 2

There was a couple and 1of them had the hiccups. So they went to the pharmacy. The man told his wife to wait outside.He went in and asked the pharmacian if he had a medicine to stop the hiccups. Then the pharmacian slapped him on the face. The man looks up with a funny face saying "It's not me with the hiccups it is my wife outside!!!"

2006-12-26 10:02:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

These scousers keep hitting me.

2006-12-26 09:55:14 · 5 answers · asked by the7thseal 2

2006-12-26 09:51:09 · 9 answers · asked by zmanryan2 1

Pharmacist Phun

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

2006-12-26 09:50:50 · 19 answers · asked by Tabor 4

Going to St Ives, I met a man with 7 wives. Each wife had 7 sacks, each sack had 7 cats, each cat has 7 kittens. Kittens, Cats, Sacks and wives, how many where going to saint Ives?

This is an old riddle, just want to see who remembers and guess correctly.

2006-12-26 09:48:37 · 8 answers · asked by Jazzy 3

9 10 11 12 or 13 or more can you name them

2006-12-26 09:47:51 · 9 answers · asked by mobile auto repair (mr fix it) 7

Which one came first the chicken or the egg???

2006-12-26 09:47:48 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 09:44:40 · 8 answers · asked by Zhukov 4

“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”

“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”

The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over. The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a bl.ow job!”

“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”

The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.

The bartender picks the gun up off the floor and hands it back to the robber. “Hold the gun, dammit,” he says. “One of my friends might walk in!”

2006-12-26 09:40:26 · 9 answers · asked by homo.jesus 2

When my sons's father and I divorced, he took it pretty hard, even though he was 6/12, I was at fault..he lived with me until he was about 11 or 12, then, because I could not control him anymore, he went to live with his dad...Over a period of time, they managed to convince him, that I was this evil person, he accused me of some pretty awful things, he was mad because I was moving out of the area, he has now matured, everybody I know, does not believe these lies, but for one person, she does...These things were said when he was VERY angry with me, and he wanted to punish me very much...This was a few years ago, and he is in the military, he has grown up very much, but he has a ways to go....I came back home for a visit, and this accuser is still at it..In fact, I am going to be a new grandma for my oldest son, she has warned my son and his girlfriend, not to let me near the baby, because you never know, they both told to go to h*ll, and it was a lie...So what do I do?...It hurts alot..

2006-12-26 09:36:15 · 10 answers · asked by PLN 1

one has a ruby red ring around the end of his penis the other a brown ring. after consulting the doc the ricm man says that neet time his wife should remove her lipstick ,the poor man tells his wife she should wipe her a** properly(who been there?) to date not me both ways

2006-12-26 09:28:03 · 18 answers · asked by peter.w 4

That's the punch-line...you do the story, I'll tell my version after a while...

2006-12-26 09:19:55 · 6 answers · asked by sportin_jenny 2

2006-12-26 09:15:56 · 16 answers · asked by Hayley 1

2006-12-26 09:06:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 09:03:45 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-26 09:00:21 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous