Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

who ever tells me the most jokes get 10 points!

2006-10-26 07:07:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What does lol mean. thanks

2006-10-26 07:02:37 · 12 answers · asked by dobbinesque 2

There was an old man from Brazil, who swallowed a dynamite pill, his heart retired, his bum backfired, and his willy shot over the hill.....!!

2006-10-26 07:01:39 · 25 answers · asked by transitmill 1

2006-10-26 07:00:14 · 11 answers · asked by shankar s 1

SING A SONG OF SYPHILLIS
A FORESKIN FULL OF CRABS
FOUR AND TWENTY BLACKHEADS
TURNING INTO SCABS
NOW WHEN HIS KNOB WAS UPRIGHT
THE PUS BEGAN TO RUN
WASNT THAT AN AWFUL THING
TO SHOVE UP SOMEONES BUM

2006-10-26 07:00:05 · 6 answers · asked by dobbinesque 2

Who took out his goolies to wash em'
His wife said Jack, if you don't put em back,
I'll stamp on the b#st#rds and squash em!

2006-10-26 06:58:07 · 14 answers · asked by jabelite 3

planet rotate around the but sun will also rotate whats the reason for this............................?

2006-10-26 06:56:37 · 20 answers · asked by shankar s 1

a man goes to an audition for the greatest show on earth upon his arrival the interviewer asks what his great act is. to which the man reveals a sledgehammer and replies "you can run up and hit me as hard in the head with this hammer and nothing will happen!" the interviewer is understandably a little dubious and says "sorry mate no can do" to which the feller replies "if you dont i will hit myself"so relluctantly the interviewer takes the hammer a few steps back, runs up a smashes the feller in the head with it, knockig him straight into a coma with a depressed fracture of the skull.
For the next six months the interviewer, racked with guilt spends every waking moment by the mans bed in hospital when one day his fingers begin to twitch, the interviewer calls the nurse into the room to show her, by this time the man is trying to mouth some words. the nurse says to the interviewer what is he trying to say, the interviewer leans in close and hears in a low whisper..................

2006-10-26 06:54:56 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Love bites on your haemorroids

2006-10-26 06:52:24 · 8 answers · asked by dobbinesque 2

Stick a nipple on it.

2006-10-26 06:51:24 · 21 answers · asked by Halox 3

THEYRE WAS A YOUNG MAN NAMED JOCK
WHO HAD A MOST FRIGHTFUL SHOCK
HE WENT FOR A ****
IN A LEAF COVERED PIT
AND THE CRAP SPRANG A TRAP ON HIS ****

2006-10-26 06:48:35 · 12 answers · asked by dobbinesque 2

whats brown has two legs and runs round in circles whimpering


half a dog



(halved down the middle)

2006-10-26 06:45:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "please come over here and help me? I have a killer jugsaw puzzle and I cant figure out how to get it started?"
Her boyfriend asks " What is it supposed to be when it is finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, its a tiger"

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help. She shows where she has the puzzle spread all over the table..

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do we are not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, " second, i want you to relax. Lets have a nice cup of tea and then......" he sighed, " .....we will put all these Frosties back in the box."

2006-10-26 06:28:02 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me some yo mamma jokes, I need a good laugh, I've been sick since last friday night with bronchitus and I haven't gone to school so things are pretty boring and dull!!! MAKE ME LAUGH!!!

2006-10-26 06:27:39 · 24 answers · asked by kendra dowson 2

Not my favourite but someone out there will find it funny.

THE LIFE OF AN EGG
==================
So you think your life is bad?
Just think how bad the life of the egg is....
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share a box with 11 other guys.
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother!

2006-10-26 06:21:00 · 18 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

People tell me i have a dry since of humor or no humor can you make me laugh?

2006-10-26 06:15:01 · 9 answers · asked by springreed 2

what is/was the difference between batman and superman
batman never got pushed around

2006-10-26 06:13:10 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

superman was having a little fly about as usuall when he spots wonderwoman sunbathing nude on a rooftop
Quick as a flash he swoops down and fcuks her in the blinking of an eye
wonderwoman exclaims "what the fcuk was that" and the invisible man says "I dont know but my fcucking ar5e hurts"

2006-10-26 06:09:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his bum whilst he is on fire. Further studies in this area has been cancelled.

2006-10-26 06:01:12 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'TS NOT A QUESTION.
A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading "WHERE AM I?" and hold it up for the building's occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."

2006-10-26 05:50:17 · 26 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

why do police officers always stink

2006-10-26 05:28:36 · 14 answers · asked by nuri b 1

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

It is good to laugh at yourself. Why let everyone else have all the freaking fun.

The difference between Baptist's and Catholic's

Little Johnny was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.

"Hello," said Little Johnny.
"Hi," replied the little girl.
"Where are you going?" asked Johnny.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the girl. "Me too," replied Little Johnny. "I'm also on my way home from church."

"Which church do you go to?" he asked.

"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?" "I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill," replied Johnny. They are both going the same way so they walk together.

They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.

"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl. "My Dad'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied Little Johnny.

"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."

"That's a good idea," replied Johnny. "I'm going to do the same with my suit." So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet.

They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when Johnny, who had been visually appraising his new friend, finally remarked, "You know, my Mom told me there really is a difference between Baptist's and Catholic's, now I see what she means!"

http://www.willyblues.com/

2006-10-26 05:22:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-26 05:22:07 · 11 answers · asked by slcrocker2006 1

2006-10-26 05:22:02 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

He got married

2006-10-26 05:17:52 · 10 answers · asked by glacier 4

three mice were sayin how tough they were the first mouse said: im so tough i can take the cheese from the trap
second mouse said: im so tough i can do that and lick the trap clean
........enter youre finish here..............
i will post my finish when i choose answer

2006-10-26 05:16:24 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fill in the blank. If a person has 2 or more guesses, then i will only take their first guess.

Dancing ______

2006-10-26 05:12:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-26 05:12:44 · 22 answers · asked by mysterious_gal1984 3

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

2006-10-26 05:10:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

is this funny?
1. what happend to the cricket player when he had terrible diarrhoea?

he got a lot ov runs

2. an artist tries to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he feels for his lovely modl finally becomes irresistable. he throws down his palette, takes her in his arms and kisses her. she pushes him away saying '' maybe your other models let you kiss them, but im not that sort of girl!'' ''actually, i've never tried to kiss a model before'' '' really'' she says, softening. ''well, how many models have there been before'' '' four so far; he replies thinking back '' a jug, two apples and a vase.

3. man: you remind me of sailing on a romantic boat
women:you remind me of bein in the ocean too
man: really
women: yes you make me feel sick

4. a man arrives home from the pub very late and very drunk. His wife snaps. ''all right then, smart a ss- explain the lipstick ony your shirt!'' '' easy'' the man slurs '' i used my shirt to wipe my willy''

2006-10-26 05:09:48 · 31 answers · asked by chij onpala 1