Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Ask someone to say Silk 5 times..
Then ask them to spell it..
Then ask them 'what do cows drink?

Bet the majority say milk..!!

Very silly but it amused me for a second or two!!

2006-10-26 11:56:23 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

It is called "RAMBUTT"

2006-10-26 11:53:55 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

just had this 1 emailed to me. lol

old couple's costumes

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon between her legs.

When she came out, the old man cried, "You can't go out like that!" She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."

Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked with a potato tied to his tallywhacker. The old woman says, you're going out like that?" and he replies,

"Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a dick-tator."

2006-10-26 11:53:32 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

its not funny but challenging

2006-10-26 11:50:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was 3 guys who were stranded on an island. one was a guinius, another a normal person, and the last one a retard.

the found a magic lamp and rubed it. a genie appeared and granted them each one wish.

the genius wished to be back wit his familly. the normal man wished for the same thing. they were soon back wit their famillies.

the retarted man said, " i'm getting lonely now. i wish i had my friends back."

the 2 other guys reappeared.

2006-10-26 11:42:04 · 14 answers · asked by Rene C 4

2006-10-26 11:23:46 · 13 answers · asked by des 1

there was an english teacher for kids whose 1st language isn't english. she told her kids to write about how a firefighter saved a baby from a burning house from the newspaper.

one kid wrote: the fireman went in the burning house. when he cameout he was pregnant.

she asked him why he wrote pregnant. he took out a dictionary and pointed to pregnant. pregnant was defind as "carrying a child"

2006-10-26 11:18:47 · 24 answers · asked by Rene C 4

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home and who cooks from time to time...
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh...
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you...
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you...
5. It's VERY, VERY IMPORTANT that these four women don't know each other! :)

2006-10-26 11:18:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Most poems rhyme,
but this one doesn't.

2006-10-26 11:10:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a wet nose

2006-10-26 11:07:37 · 14 answers · asked by gojets126 3

If you love something, set it free
If it comes back it will always be yours
It if doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with, BUT...

...If it just sits in your living room messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn't appear to realise that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it. :)

2006-10-26 11:01:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's the spring of 1957&Bobby goes to pick up his date.He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in."Carrie's not ready yet so why don't you have a seat?" he asks.
"That's cool", said Bobby.
Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby,so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carrie's father."Carrie really likes to screw, she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up and immediately revised his plans for the evening.A few minutes later Carrie comes downstairs in her little skirt and announces that she's ready to go.Almost breathless with anticipation,Bobby escorts his date out the front door.About 20mins later,a thoroughly disheveled Carrie rushes back into the house,slams the door behind her and screams at her father.DAMMIT DADDY! TWIST!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!

2006-10-26 10:57:34 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

When I got home last night, my girlfriend demanded that I take her out to some place expensive...................

So I took her to a Petrol station!!!!!!!

2006-10-26 10:57:19 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need your clean, funny Q&A Jokes, if there not Question adn Answer, i do not want them, sorry!

2006-10-26 10:40:39 · 7 answers · asked by chargirl. 1

2006-10-26 10:33:13 · 9 answers · asked by Divya P 1

My first is in camel and in llama.
My second is in otter but not in ferret.
My third is in mustang but not in horse.
My fourth is in snake and in asp.
My last is in tiger and in panther.
What am I?

2006-10-26 10:29:38 · 14 answers · asked by creskin 4

Found this earlier~ thought it was funny!

Texas - a public school teacher was arrested today at Bergstrom International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Secretary of Defense said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us". "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle."

2006-10-26 10:28:38 · 9 answers · asked by Troy 2

Riddle

2006-10-26 10:26:55 · 11 answers · asked by fhale_99 1

Farmer jones and wife going to halloween party..dressed as farmers will, in a cow outfit...farmer jones was the head end and his wife the tail end...midway out in the pasture a huge bull spotted them walking... the bull pawed the ground, snorted and started running towards them.his wife asked "Oh lord, what will we do now". To which the farmer said..."I'm gonna start eating grass,,,,you better brace yourself...

2006-10-26 10:20:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

HALLOWEEN
A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to bed.
Later she awoke and felt great, so she decided to go to the party and see what her hubby did when she wasn't around. As soon as she arrived, she noticed him on the dance floor getting very friendly with every hottie in the place, and groping them when he could. She then cut in and rubbed close to him. When the song ended, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Let's go outside." So the two costumed characters snuck off and occupied themselves in one of the parked cars.
Midnight was to be the unveiling of the party-goers, so she slipped out and went home before the clock struck twelve.
When he got home she asked, "How was the party? Did you meet any interesting people?"
He replied, ''You know me, dear. I don't have a good time when you're not with me. I ran into a few friends and we ended up in the basement playing poker. It wasn't very fun at all. But the guy I loaned my costume to had the time of his life!"

2006-10-26 10:10:31 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I'm not here, I'm f***ing busy- or vice versa.

lol i thought is was funny

2006-10-26 10:01:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his wet w***y in a vice. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screamed, "STOP! STOP! you're not going to.......to.....cut it off, are you???"
The husband said, with a gleam in his eye, "Nope, you are!. ..I'm going to set the garage on fire!".

2006-10-26 09:49:56 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas".
He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him...
"I just found out that I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."
He pondered that for a while, went into the bedroom and packed his case, then went out to his wife who said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
He replied, "I'm going too."
"Why", she asked.
He said, "I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

2006-10-26 09:42:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife, arriving home after a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young girl. Just as his wife was about to storm out of the home, her husband stopped her with these words....."Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about"........
.....Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired...
I offered her a life home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge.
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wear because the colour didn't suit you.
Her jeans were torn so I gave her a pair of yours that you don' fit into any more.
Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked me, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use any more?..................



................so here we are!"

2006-10-26 09:35:14 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,"! he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

2006-10-26 09:15:34 · 23 answers · asked by Citizen 1

A man walks into a bar and says "my name is Bond"....and blonde says "your name is Bond eh? James Bond i presume?"....the man replies "No...Uni Bond,i am here to full your crack in"

2006-10-26 09:10:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-26 09:10:08 · 17 answers · asked by rdx 2

Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the
bottom." The red head replies,"If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top." The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and and says, "Then I'm gonna have puppies !"


A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

2006-10-26 09:09:34 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."

He asked her why she was going.

She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."

He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"

"I''m going too!" he replied.

"Why?" she asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

2006-10-26 09:09:18 · 13 answers · asked by Citizen 1

I work as a cashier at a natural foods store. There was once another cashier who had a bad gas problem one day. She was letting out the silent-but-deadly ones. That day, as she was getting finished checking a lady out, the next lady in line said to the cashier, "Excuse me, but did that lady have any egg products?"

HAHAHA!!!

2006-10-26 09:00:07 · 11 answers · asked by tangerine 7