Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

poor paddy who unwittingly joined the I.R.A,he thought that becoming a republican meant owning his own bar

2006-10-26 17:37:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

every time i say a joke or act in drama im smiling and i laugh at my own jokes... i dont know how not to laugh or smile. what are some good acting toips on how not to laugh or smile when you are saying a joke or acting?

2006-10-26 17:33:05 · 7 answers · asked by snickelfritz 4

brunette the blonde stopped to ask for directions

2006-10-26 17:23:35 · 13 answers · asked by kyle r 1

The first little pig walked into a bar bought a beer drank it and asked where the rest room was, he used it and left.
The second little pig walked into the same bar bought a six pack, drank it and asked where the restroom was,used it and left.
The third little pig came in bought a case of beer drank it, and got up to walk out the door. "Hang on" said the bartender, "aren't you going to ask for the restroom?"
"No," said the pig "I'm sure you've heard of me, I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home."

2006-10-26 17:22:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

brunette the blonde stopped to ask for directions

2006-10-26 17:22:34 · 13 answers · asked by kyle r 1

>One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-
>shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
>"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
>"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
>He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

2006-10-26 17:18:28 · 15 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

OUCH!!!

2006-10-26 17:08:49 · 16 answers · asked by kyle r 1

2006-10-26 16:43:37 · 13 answers · asked by Syn 1

2006-10-26 16:33:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you've watched the cosby show you should know the answer!
How can you make 25 cents with two coins, but one is not a dime?

2006-10-26 16:24:08 · 10 answers · asked by PRiNcEsSmO999 2

2006-10-26 16:12:54 · 2 answers · asked by KDW 1

2006-10-26 16:10:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-26 16:04:15 · 11 answers · asked by Cy Gold 4

I need to find out the answer to this riddle because it's an assignment for my English class. Thank you.

2006-10-26 15:58:06 · 8 answers · asked by jesus g 1

2006-10-26 15:49:54 · 11 answers · asked by JR 4

This was posted like an hour ago, but wut does it mean, jingle bells backwords.......i cant get it!!!!!

2006-10-26 15:47:32 · 13 answers · asked by Jon smith 1

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.

If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dived into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time."
"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

2006-10-26 14:58:54 · 19 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.

2006-10-26 14:51:26 · 11 answers · asked by Skyler 2

Q.Why are fire engines red in colour?




Ans.



fire engines have ladders.
ladders have steps.
steps are one foot apart.
foot can be measured using rulers.
a ruler can b a king or a queen.
elizabeth is the queen of england.
elizabeth is also the name of a ship.
ships float on water.
water has fishes.
fishes hav fins.
fins r the people of finland.
the colour of the national flag of finland is red. so fire engines are red.........

2006-10-26 14:35:08 · 15 answers · asked by Skyler 2

I need to be amazed, i need sumthin that sound nasty but is crazy @ da end! Like:



I always wanted 2 ask, but I really shouldn't being asking you, I feel shy, embarrassed, but I want it sooooooo bad! Don't get me wrong, it’s just that I haven't had it for a long time. I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out wet. No one has to know about this. I need it. I'm desperate, but your help can be very grateful. You must think I have a lot of nerve asking you for this ,but I can feel my tongue around it sucking all the juice out until there's no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and hope I'm not being forward, I'm usually not like this, but...........can I have a piece of gum?

2006-10-26 14:33:38 · 11 answers · asked by Lil Red 1

http://media.spikedhumor.com/8944/Jingle_Bells_Reversed.swf
it has a funny message ps dont give the message away by typing it ;) WINK

2006-10-26 14:31:29 · 11 answers · asked by school_buses_taste_funny 1

who's there?

Duane!,

Duane who?

Duane da bathtub I'm Dwowning.

2006-10-26 14:15:13 · 15 answers · asked by b 3

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - - silence - - -

HUSBAND: "Sh!t"

2006-10-26 14:13:18 · 16 answers · asked by nikkismiles7 2

rate it on a scale from 1 to 10


GOOSEBUMPS
My heart is racing.
Memories flash before my eyes
And dozens of random questions arise.
I am anxious and trembling.
My pulse is growing,
And my impulse is glowing.
I am in physical need of comfort and love.
My mind is going numb,
But surely I will not succumb.
What will happen next?

2006-10-26 14:12:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Luke.

Luke who?

Luke through the keyhole and you'll see...

2006-10-26 14:10:15 · 12 answers · asked by DikiDoo 3

The Newfie saw a sign in a restaurant window. It read...


Happy hour special: Lobster tail & Beer


"Lord tunderin' jayzuz," he says to himself, "my tree favourite tings!"

2006-10-26 14:09:48 · 5 answers · asked by nikkismiles7 2

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

2006-10-26 14:03:41 · 9 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

2006-10-26 14:02:06 · 11 answers · asked by nikkismiles7 2

im in a sorrow mood so the funniest answer to my question gets best answer (it can be as silly and impossible as you want!)

if president bush wascaught having an affair with saddam hussien what would happen to the world

2006-10-26 13:52:55 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

Suzies father told her many times about this hazard, he tried to state it in many ways. Finally he told her "do not go to an auction and bring home a side of bacon in a bag." This has become a well known warning.......what is it?

2006-10-26 13:43:18 · 4 answers · asked by ஐAldaஐ 6