Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her stand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues. "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured. "No, Silly!!!" she answers. "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before my surgery."

2006-09-25 10:19:00 · 8 answers · asked by 1 3

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled *** for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

2006-09-25 10:15:40 · 19 answers · asked by :) 3

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled *** for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

2006-09-25 10:15:11 · 6 answers · asked by :) 3

what do you call a bunch of white men running down a hill? avalanch.
what do you can a bunch of black men running down a hill? mudslide.
what do you call a bunch a mexicans running down a hill?
give up?
Jailbrake
no sexism or racisim was intinded

2006-09-25 09:48:03 · 9 answers · asked by egypts_lost_queen 2

2006-09-25 09:47:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

bigamy is having one wife too many. some say monogamy is the same

2006-09-25 09:30:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Not screaming in fear like his passengers....





(tee hee just wanted to make you smile)

2006-09-25 09:26:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

i like making jokes up alot see if you think this one is funny:
there was a blonde a red head and a brunnet they just came out of the bathroom and were gona go on the zipper. when they got on the ride broke and the person who controles it went to fix it. the brunnet said "oh no! the zipper broke" the read head said "the zipper broke" and the blonde said "oh no my zipper broke!"
Do you think its funny please answer!

2006-09-25 09:23:12 · 19 answers · asked by puplove7 2

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in New Orleans sat a huge black man.

He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously
gay man walked in and sat beside him.



After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few
words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered,
"Do you want a ********?"



At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and
smacked the **** out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his
stool.


He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving
him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returned to his seat.


Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the
black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that before. What did
he say to you?"



"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."

2006-09-25 09:12:13 · 11 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

thank u..y does he say that?

2006-09-25 09:09:20 · 19 answers · asked by Bear 2

swartzenegger has a big 1
micheal j fox has a small 1
maddona doesnt have 1
the pope has one but doesnt use it
clinton uses his all the time

2006-09-25 09:00:09 · 15 answers · asked by im lost come and find me 4

He shouted out to the doctor
"Doctor I can't feel my legs "
The doctor replied
"Thats right , I had to cut your arms off "

2006-09-25 08:48:07 · 28 answers · asked by Bill L 5

what do they say are the two healthiest things to eat??? chicken and fish...........let's combine the two and eat PENGUINS!!!!

2006-09-25 08:46:38 · 6 answers · asked by mileon 1

Give me some intresting facts....the best ones will get the points....if i can't decide then you'll hafta!

2006-09-25 08:44:36 · 9 answers · asked by Confused?! 4

someone give me their best joke or riddle and ill give you 10 points

2006-09-25 08:41:47 · 16 answers · asked by tattoo666 2

how do you kill a circus. go for the juggler

2006-09-25 08:36:11 · 22 answers · asked by ALAN B 2

2006-09-25 08:15:17 · 27 answers · asked by Confused?! 4

2006-09-25 08:14:54 · 12 answers · asked by betty boop 3

A Male Whale and a Female Whale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the b l o w j o b, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"

2006-09-25 08:14:28 · 20 answers · asked by X factor 2

clue #1 " IM WHITE AND I come OUT ON MY GOOD DAYS "

clue #2 " I come ALL OVER YOUR SHIRT "

WHAT AM I?

2006-09-25 08:09:16 · 14 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

a blonde, burnette and red head are sitting in the maternity ward chatting about the gender of there baby. "I'm going to have a girl, because I was on top" says the burnette. "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on the bottom" says the red head. All of a sudden the blonde starts crying and the other two ask whats wrong. So the blonde replys "I'm going to have puppys!!"

2006-09-25 08:04:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

the sky was dark the moon was high
all alone just her and i
her hair so soft her eyes so blue
i knew just what she wanted to do
her skin so soft her legs so fine
i ran my finger down her her spine
i didnt know how but i tried my best
i started by placing my hands on her breasts
i remember the fear my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread her leggs apart
atlast its finished its all over now
my first time ever milking a cow

2006-09-25 07:54:27 · 22 answers · asked by june c 2

How many time scan you catch a squid in one hand and the other hand before it changes shape and becomes a rabbit?

2006-09-25 07:51:18 · 21 answers · asked by Confused?! 4

2006-09-25 07:45:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

So Akbar shows Abu a picture of his 1st born.

" This was Mahmoud, He is a martyr."

He shows another picture.

"And this is Mohammed. He too is a martyr."

And another.

"And this was our youngest Yassir. He also was a martyr."


Abu comments, " Ah children, they blow up so fast!"

2006-09-25 07:39:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't know the answer to this, I've made up one half of the joke, now I want you to supply the punchline.

I'm literally looking for the best answer.

2006-09-25 07:38:08 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

2006-09-25 07:32:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is on his way home from work one day and driving along the Washington Beltway when he comes upon a traffic jam. Wondering what is going on, he notices a police officer going car to car.
WHen the officer comes up to him he asks the officer the situation.

"The president was on his way home from a important meeting when he found out Kenneth Star has new evidence to use against him. Now he cant afford to pay for anymore lawyers and his family hates him. So he has stopped his limo in the middle of the road and has threatened to dose himself in gas and light it. So i am going around asking for donations."

The man sits there thinking then asks, "well how much have you collected so far?"

the officer looks at a piece of paper, "Well some people arent sure yet, but so far i've accumalated about 500 gallons"

2006-09-25 07:31:45 · 8 answers · asked by clomtancy 5

Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"

Mary is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser.

Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser."

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave."

2006-09-25 07:30:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy boards a train bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him has a deeply bruised, black eye. "Heck, what a coincidence! We both have black eyes! Mind if I ask how you got yours?"

"Well," explains the man, "I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with beautiful breasts was behind the counter. When I asked to purchase a ticket to Pittsburgh, I accidentally blurted out 'I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh' and so she sucker-punched me!" The man continues, "What's your story?"

The other guy explains, "I was at the breakfast table and I meant to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties,' but I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you stupid *****.'"

2006-09-25 07:28:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous