Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Three frail old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man comes by and flashes at them.


Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't reach.

2006-09-25 12:15:05 · 17 answers · asked by Polo 7

2006-09-25 12:08:21 · 14 answers · asked by crazymanca7 2

A blonbe on a desserted isle finds a bottle on the beach, rubs it and a genie appears and says she has 3 wishes, she thinks long and hard and says "I wish, I wish, I wish."

2006-09-25 12:06:19 · 7 answers · asked by waterboy 1

"Fine" -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

"Five Minutes" -- If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


"Nothing" -- This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

"Go Ahead" -- This is a dare, not permission. Proceed with extreme caution!

Loud Sigh -- Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

"That's OK" -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's OK" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

"Thanks" -- This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you, do not question it, just say "you're welcome" and back out of the room slowly.

2006-09-25 12:03:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: "The initial measurement wasn't accurate."

The Biologist's conclusion: "They have reproduced."

The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house, it will be empty again."

2006-09-25 11:59:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mildred was an 93yr old woman who was particularly despondent over the death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would kill hereself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to her family, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be...
"On a woman" the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast".
Later that night Mildred was admitted to hospital with a gunshot wound to her knees. :(

2006-09-25 11:56:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Of no use to one Yet absolute bliss to two. The small boy gets it for nothing. The young man has to lie for it. The old man has to buy it. The baby's right, The lover's privilege, The hypocrite's mask. To the young girl, faith; To the married woman, hope; To the old maid, charity. What am I

2006-09-25 11:56:11 · 9 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
She added, "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
Men just don' t listen!

(sry guys but you don't)

2006-09-25 11:51:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I cut through evil like a double edged sword, And chaos flees at my approach. Balance I single-handedly upraise, Through battles fought with heart and mind, Instead of with my gaze. What am I?

2006-09-25 11:46:32 · 11 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

Have you ever wondered why A B C D DD E F G & H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you are wondering why but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!
A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can't complain
D - Dang
DD - Double Dang
E - Enormous
F - Fake
G - Got to get a reduction
H - HELP! I've just fallen over and I can't get up. :)

2006-09-25 11:44:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

a Mormon walks into a bar...

2006-09-25 11:39:11 · 11 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

a highschool girl walks up to her principle who happens to be male,and says

Mr Stockson this is my fourth period so far and im feeling the
flow is too hard on me is there something we can do to change things?

The principle looking shocked at the girl gets an angry look and says YOUNG LADY THIS IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE QUESTION GO AND VISIT THE SCHOOL NURSE AND SHE WILL GIVE U A HEATING PAD AND TYLENOL.

OHHH the girl said with blushing cheeks I MEANT MY SCHEDULE OF CLASSES.......

HEHEHEHE

2006-09-25 11:38:33 · 5 answers · asked by ? 1

2006-09-25 11:33:57 · 13 answers · asked by guitarusa2001 1

Two US coins are worth 30 cents and one is not a quarter. What are the two coins?

2006-09-25 11:29:08 · 6 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

2006-09-25 11:28:43 · 10 answers · asked by Bill L 5

Me and my cousin are having a prank war. I want to get her good. She put salt on my lips while I was sleeping and I need prank Ideas!!!

2006-09-25 11:24:32 · 11 answers · asked by Mickie 1

first one right 10 pts well in 4 hrs

I weaken all men for hours each day. I show you strange visions while you are away. I take you by night, by day take you back, none suffer to have me, but do from my lack. What am I?

2006-09-25 11:18:28 · 13 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

This ederly couple go to the doctors, they say their sex life is practicaly zero, so the doctor suggest's they try nasal sex, the women goes back a week later holding the top of her nose, say's to the docotr rather nasaly, "can you get pregnant with nasal sex?", the doctor says "no", she says "thank god for that" and lets go of the top of her nose and sniffs up!

2006-09-25 11:09:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

wots black and white and red all over

2006-09-25 11:05:09 · 20 answers · asked by wizardoz1984 1

half the dogs, in any pack.
she maybe nice, watch ur back

2006-09-25 11:04:08 · 14 answers · asked by wizardoz1984 1

wot can go up a chimney down but can't come down a chimney up

2006-09-25 11:02:59 · 16 answers · asked by wizardoz1984 1

2006-09-25 11:00:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

a haven from the maddin crowd, where rows of heads are offen bowed, where you focus adulation. many sorts across the nations

2006-09-25 10:55:54 · 10 answers · asked by wizardoz1984 1

a haven from the maddin crowd, where rows of heads are offen bowed, where you focus adulation. many sorts across the nations

2006-09-25 10:55:38 · 8 answers · asked by wizardoz1984 1

2006-09-25 10:52:09 · 18 answers · asked by Random Jon 2

a stone is throw and a man dies. what happened?

2006-09-25 10:51:34 · 15 answers · asked by *♥lovebug♥* 4

What did the Doctor say?

2006-09-25 10:45:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are driving a sports car with only space for 1 person other person, there is no trunk or piling space.

A storm is coming and at a bus stop there are three people, your curable but sick Mother, Your best friend from your childhood & teen years & lastly the woman/man of your dreams that will never go stray, bring you the most happiness for years thick or thin and complete you.

What do you do??

2006-09-25 10:36:24 · 13 answers · asked by nick_in_miami 3

*I heard this joke in spanish*

Q. What does a woman and a Tomato have in common?

A. They both take the flavor away from the "chilé"

2006-09-25 10:33:56 · 16 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

2006-09-25 10:31:51 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous