Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Aggies (for those who dont know the term) are said to be dumber then blondes. The real aggie comes from Texas A&M university. The whole deal got started years ago when A&M started out onlty as a engineering school and people said they were too one track minded of a school.

The following is a news broadcast from A&M university.


"New Flash: A two seater cesna plane has just crashed into a cemetery next to A&M university campus. The Aggie Search and Rescue unit has responded, and has so far dug up 230 bodies, and will continue the search as the body count rises. The two pilots, but A&M students who survived the crash have joined in the search. Further developments will follow."

2006-09-25 07:17:10 · 6 answers · asked by clomtancy 5

a blonde is on her way to work one day and sees a shinny object in the window of a shop. she goes in and asks the clerk what the object is.

"Its a thermos"
"What does it do?"
"it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

So she buys it and goes to work. A little while later, her boss, another blonde walks by and sees the thermos.

"What is it?"
"Its a thermos"
"What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
"What do you have in it?"

"Two cups of cofee and a popsicle"

2006-09-25 07:06:17 · 17 answers · asked by clomtancy 5

Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by.
Each took a pear and left eleven hanging there.
How can this be?

2006-09-25 07:01:04 · 8 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

some mice are playing around one day when they find some roller scates. they put them on and role around. but soon they die.
A cat dies and goes up to heaven. He sees the mice..

"mmm meals on wheels"

2006-09-25 07:01:03 · 8 answers · asked by clomtancy 5

between having a headacke or talking to Paris Hilton .

2006-09-25 06:52:52 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

Only one color, but not one size, Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies. Present in sun, but not in rain, Doing no harm, and feeling no pain. What is it?

2006-09-25 06:37:29 · 17 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

2006-09-25 06:36:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you know why orange juice is so smart?

this should be easy

2006-09-25 06:29:46 · 6 answers · asked by texasdaddy2009 3

2006-09-25 06:13:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The weekends over and I'm sure you can. Here. Look at this. Disregard the image on the left , coooonnnnncentrate to the right, while singing to yourselves;

" I wish they all could be California girls. "

http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CB12Y


Probably why the Beach Boys probably ended up the way they did and never went anywhere else.

2006-09-25 06:10:19 · 5 answers · asked by vanamont7 7

beacause every time they have a corner they build a shop on it

2006-09-25 05:55:07 · 11 answers · asked by darren v 2

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars.She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed“But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed“Oh, she liked it too,answered the husband

2006-09-25 05:51:56 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."

2006-09-25 05:50:28 · 23 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

A host of a gameshow asks you : there are 3doors... 2a,2b and 2c

behind one of the doors is a FANTASTIC prize...

The other two doors have nothing behind them!

The quizmaster give you a hint that the prize is behind the door 2b...

So..... 2b or not 2b? (THAT is the question)

2006-09-25 05:49:07 · 7 answers · asked by Jazz 4

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

2006-09-25 05:45:13 · 10 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

Mine is, I was at the bank and there were about 15 people there, and it was quite, my daughter 6 at the time asked me "why do you and daddy jump on the bed at night?" almost everyone looked at me and I told her "daddy and I are just playing". There was an older man around his 60/70's (behind me in line) who could not stop laughing he said "kids say the darnest things" I said "yes they do I just wish she'd ask them at home".

2006-09-25 05:44:22 · 10 answers · asked by melbow35 2

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

2006-09-25 05:43:31 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are three moms. .

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"

They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

2006-09-25 05:34:27 · 25 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn't care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks "Sir, what's under the newspaper?"

The man replies with "it's a birdy and never ever touch it."

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he's in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said "well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it's neck, stepped on it's eggs, and burned it's nest."

2006-09-25 05:32:32 · 13 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

One morning a little froggy named Kermit Jagger went to the bank to get a loan. He met with the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. After several minutes Mr. Paddywack told Kermit that to qualify for a loan he would need some collateral. Kermit thought for a moment and then handed Paddywack a small marble elephant he had taken from his pocket. Needless to say the loan officer had no idea what to do. He excused himself explaining that he would need to talk to the Bank Manager. Once in the Manger’s office Paddywack began explaining the situation and showed him the elephant. The Manager sighed and said, “It’s a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a Rolling Stone.”.

2006-09-25 05:28:23 · 10 answers · asked by reevesfarm 3

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

2006-09-25 05:27:38 · 9 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

2006-09-25 05:25:23 · 3 answers · asked by Nickname 3

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

2006-09-25 05:24:13 · 20 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

Frist correct answer gets the points!

2006-09-25 05:23:35 · 8 answers · asked by ben 2

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that ******* fence wasn't electrified."

2006-09-25 05:20:56 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-25 05:16:29 · 12 answers · asked by kman1830 5

1st one who answers right gets the points!

A man lives on the 15th floor of a tower block.
Each morning he gets the lift to the ground floor and sets off to work.Each evening he returns home,gets the lift but gets out at the 10th floor.He then uses the stairs to walk the remaining 5floors.The lift is not broken and he does not go to another flat! Why does he do this?
hehe x

2006-09-25 05:15:43 · 27 answers · asked by jo 4

I wonder

2006-09-25 05:12:16 · 4 answers · asked by david 1

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

• A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married.
Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

2006-09-25 04:59:59 · 16 answers · asked by DefenderOfTheMeek22 4

2006-09-25 04:54:11 · 22 answers · asked by jim 2