best answer gets 10 points!!!?

Question

someone give me their best joke or riddle and ill give you 10 points

Answer 1

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......



A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
.

Answer 2

woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?"

haha?
and

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:
"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

the one from girlygirl was also mine! she stole it with no credit!!

Answer 3

if that they had an settlement based on have faith that they wouldnt draw close out with the different intercourse, then the guy who broke this settlement is obviously interior the incorrect. that is not an extremely logical settlement, and that i do no longer think of a dating is very healthful in the event that they experience the could make that promise. yet a promise is a promise, and breaking a promise seems to trump all. And, revenge is very junior severe. If the guy cares concerning to the girl he shouldn't want to "come again at her" i think of this boy and woman could perhaps have a talk to reevaluate the best judgment in promising one yet another they gained't have acquaintances of the different intercourse.

Answer 4

Hear the one about two Newfies who find a genies's bottle flotting in the ocean while harvesting lobster in their rowboat?

Well one finds the bottle and immediately a genie appears. The Genie tells them that they will each receive one wish for releasing him from the bottle.
The first Newfie wishes for a boat load of lobster and the genie makes the lobsters appear.
The second Newfie wishes for an ocean full of beer. Magically the geni turns the whole ocean to beer.
The first Newfie stands up with a puzzled look on his face and exclaims, Where in the hell are we gonna **** now!

Answer 5

Little Johnny was out by the shed with his friend Tommy and they both had to pee. Johnny noticed that Tommy's thing was so much bigger than his. When Johnny asked why, Tommy said it was cause he ate a lot of peanuts.

Johnny ran in the house and asked his mom if he could have a quarter for a bag of peanuts. She asked him why and he told her what Tommy had said.
Johnny's mother gave him a dollar and said, "okay and pick up three bags for your father."

Answer 6

Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off. Then Aunt Jane....

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story.... "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off. Then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

Answer 7

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose??

10 piggys
2 calfs
1 ***
1 cat

Answer 8

their was a gynecologist who after 20 years of working was tired of his job and decided to pursue his 2nd dream in life... which was to be a Harley Mechanic... so he goes to the classes and it comes time for the final test... which was to take a bike engine apart completely and put it back together and have it work... so he takes the test and is waiting at home for the results to come in the mail and when he gets them he checks it out and he has 150% percent... well he knows their was a mistake so he calls his instructor and asks him about it... his instructor says no no its right i gave you 50% for taking the bike apart 50% for having it run after you put it back together... and then i gave you a bonus 50% for doing it all through the muffler. ;)

Answer 9

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled *** for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

Answer 10

there were 2 newfies walking down the street
and as they approached a bar they read the sign
lobster tail and beer
one newfie say to the other
3 of my favorite things