Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

This has been bothering me since yesterday. Okay, what's the pattern? (My friends said it's so easy that it's hard. Like that helps... :P)

EXAMPLES -
I like bottles, but not cans.
I like forks, but not spoons.
I like to see, but I don't like the sea.

They said it has nothing to do with the number of letters or the order they come in the alphabet.

2006-09-01 17:42:51 · 12 answers · asked by kkyungahh 1

There was an earthquake recently which frightened inhabitants of certain town. One couple sent their little boy to stay with an uncle in another town, explaining the reason for the nephew's sudden visit. A day later the parents received this message:
"Am returning your boy, Send the earthquake."


lol

2006-09-01 17:23:11 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why do men's heart beat quicker, go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing??


Answer tomarrow, if you can't figure it out.

2006-09-01 17:16:05 · 8 answers · asked by mizbehavingirl 4

2006-09-01 17:06:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-01 17:05:16 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

what are some good insults and comebacks! quick!

2006-09-01 17:02:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

best gets the 10 points

2006-09-01 16:48:58 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

a snail crawls into a bar just on closing time. he knocks on the door until the barman finally opens the door, and looks around. when he sees the snail he says, ‘go away. we're closed, and besides, we don’t serve snails here.' he then slams the door in the snails face. the snail again pounds on the door until the barman gets so frustrated that he opens the door and kicks the snail away. a year later as the bartender is closing up for the night, he hears a pounding on the door. he opens the door, and who is there but the same snail from a year previous. the snail looks up and says, ‘what did you do that for?'

2006-09-01 16:42:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-01 16:36:12 · 19 answers · asked by Garrile N 2

heyyyy, yeah, so wahts your best joke/prank or whatever. senior prank/true or dares/fooling around or such.
one year my highschool planted this tree in the middle of the field right before the last football and soccer games. haha
yeaaah, so whichever one makes me laugh the most gets 10 points and bragging rights for eternity that theyre the funniest person everrrrr. =) lol

2006-09-01 16:33:48 · 9 answers · asked by Michelle 4

2006-09-01 16:29:13 · 14 answers · asked by Lime 1969 1

a man walks into a psychiatrists office and says, 'doctor, I need your help. I think I’m a dog.' the psychiatrist replies, ‘well get up on the couch and we'll talk about it.' the guys says, ‘can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch

2006-09-01 16:18:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

clue #1 " YOU CAN ONLY FANTASIZE ABOUT RIDING ME"

clue #2 "NO HAS EVER SEEN ME COME"

clue #3 " SOME SAY I'M REALLY HORNY"

WHAT AM I?

2006-09-01 16:11:22 · 28 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

2006-09-01 15:52:06 · 29 answers · asked by julie h 1

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "don't bring my meal with your hand on my steak."

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

2006-09-01 15:44:49 · 34 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-09-01 15:41:46 · 15 answers · asked by getalifeandleaveminealone696 1

One dark foggy night, a man enters a bar and orders a pitcher of beer. When he finishes the whole pitcher he orders another. He does this for hours. When the bar finally closes and they turn off all of the lights, the man is thrown into the street. He's so drunk, but he manages to stumble home. When he arrives home, he walk up many, many, many stairs until he finally reaches the comfort of his bed. After falling asleep, he is awakened by an extremely bright flashing light. He pulls his gun out of his nightstand drawer and shoots at the light..completely blowing it out. He is in the dark again and resumes his sleep.. When he awakes the next morning he goes outside his front door and finds hundreds of dead bodies strrewn over his property.
WHAT IS THIS MANS PROFESSION?

2006-09-01 15:26:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

How to do a act of revenge on a cheating x....

xXx_DaNgEr_xXx_May cause random acts of
laughter..
-----------------------------------------------------
Works best if they have shacked up with someone new..
-----------------------------------------------------
{1} First you need several picture's preferably in lingerie,bikini,in the buff.
(2)Put her full name and new phone number on the back of as many pictures you have.
(3)Now take the pictures go to every truck stop restroom and restaurant restroom you can find..
(4)Place a picture in every stall..
(5)Now wait until the x calls all tore up.For some
will have fallen into some hands of pure pyscho's....
-----------------------------------------------------
Try @ your own expense of laughter..

2006-09-01 15:22:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-01 15:16:21 · 21 answers · asked by trxr4kdz 5

2006-09-01 15:09:47 · 16 answers · asked by trxr4kdz 5

2006-09-01 14:34:21 · 30 answers · asked by sammigyrrrl 1

2006-09-01 14:33:03 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

you are going to be executed at dawn and you can say "i will be hanged" "i will be drowned" "i am innocent" or "i am guilty"

2006-09-01 14:29:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sarah sits inside a shoe shine shop as she sits she shines as she shines she sits

2006-09-01 14:27:34 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-01 14:09:36 · 3 answers · asked by bear 1

a man wants a pet that can do everything so he goes to the pet shop and asks the owner if he any ideas. the shop owner suggests a dog. but the man shakes his head. the owner says, ‘how about a cat then?' the man replies, ‘no way! cats are useless. I want a pet that can do everything!' the shop owner thinks for a minute ,then says, 'I’ve got it! a centipede!' the man says a centipede? hmmm, I’ve never considered a centipede. yeah, why not?' so he takes the centipede home. 'wash the floor,’ he tells the centipede and twenty minutes later, the floor is immaculate! he is absolutely amazed. 'clean the bedroom,’ he says next. twenty minutes later the room is spotless. the man thinks to himself,’ this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. this really is a pet that can do everything!' next he says, run down to the corner store and get me a newspaper.' the centipede walks out the door. ten minutes later...no centipede. twenty minutes later...no centipede. thirty minutes later...still no centipede. the man is wondering what’s going on. He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over? Where is that centipede? So he goes over to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says’, hey! I sent you down to the corner store half an hour ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?’ the centipede says. ‘I’m going! I’m going! I’m just putting on my shoes, okay?

2006-09-01 13:57:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Whose nose was awfully bent,
One day she supposed,
She'd follow her nose.......



Can you finish my limerick please?

2006-09-01 13:43:33 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mafia "Don" is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated 38 revolver so you always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an'a lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business... You gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a bigga home and maybe a couple o' bambinos.

"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find your wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then... pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?

2006-09-01 13:38:41 · 21 answers · asked by Reca 2

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,


"I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."


The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."









He never heard the shot....

2006-09-01 13:29:43 · 9 answers · asked by Reca 2

Three men in a bar were asked the same question.
The first guy said "I bought my wife a lovely diamond ring and a pair of gloves, so if she doesn't like the ring she can cover it up with the gloves"
Second guy said "I bought my wife a beautiful blouse and a sweater, so if she doesn't like the blouse she can cover it up with the sweater"
And the third guy said "I bought my wife a really expensive handbag and a vibrator, so if she doesn't like the handbag......she can go and f**k herself!

2006-09-01 13:28:16 · 18 answers · asked by Polo 7