Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

The horse ran up the hill, and yet he walked,
How is that possible?

2006-09-02 07:03:58 · 12 answers · asked by brown.gloria@yahoo.com 5

there is a frog dead in the center of pond on a lily pad. the pond is 7 meters in diameter. there are 6 lily pads leading to the edge, which the frog MUST jump onto if he wishes to get out, the frog can only jump to 3 pads each day. how many days will it take him?

2006-09-02 06:56:16 · 64 answers · asked by Anonymous

And who takes the time to tie them together and toss them on the power line?

2006-09-02 06:54:59 · 9 answers · asked by LAUGHING MAGPIE 6

if you think i am done telling jokes you are very wrong

2006-09-02 06:53:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who else thinks MY idea should be Trademarked about Nicole Ritchey?
I think Nicole Ritchey should get two Italian Greyhounds, one male, one female, and name them
Anna for the girl
Rexia for the boy
So when she calls them people will look at her and say, "yep there is annorexia"
Here Anno, Rexia! Here Anna, Rexia.

I should write for David Letterman, will somebody please forward this to him! LOL!

2006-09-02 06:47:12 · 11 answers · asked by jondulea 2

Whats the difference between a Whopper and a Bl0w J0b??

2006-09-02 06:44:53 · 5 answers · asked by SaRAh 2

An old lady is having trouble with her pet dog snoring every night and keeping her awake. So she goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.

Later on that night her dog is snoring again, so she gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis, and he stops snoring.

The next morning the dog wakes up, looks down at himself, and says: "I don't know what kind of freaky perverted dog-show you entered me into last night lady, but it appears I came in first and second."

2006-09-02 06:41:40 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

Still think you are having a Bad Day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two
places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
*******

2006-09-02 06:40:28 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man goes out drinking every night,returning to his home in the wee hours of morning,no matter how much he drinks he never gets a hangover. this drink is very well known but it is rarely consumed,served warm, the man is a sucker for a free drink especially since he can not live with out it.

what is his favorite drink?

2006-09-02 06:39:13 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

HAVING A BAD DAY????

Are you having a bad day? Well, then, consider this...

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed,
on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical
condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something
to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the
deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday, so a worldwide team of
experts
was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the
doctors
and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what
the
terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses,
prayer
books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday
sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he
could
use the vacuum cleaner

2006-09-02 06:38:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

a vagina makes its own gravy..........yuck but i thought it was funny

2006-09-02 06:28:22 · 12 answers · asked by Moniluv 2

2006-09-02 06:23:26 · 17 answers · asked by karthick 1

the owner of a market research company was interviewing people for a position which involved going around to houses and talking to people about their opinion on certain products. he was particularly keen to hire one applicant who had a great deal of experience and was very well spoken. the only problem was a disconcerting mannerism: the man seemed to have nervous tic. every few seconds his head would shake wildly from side to side. the sales manager decided to be frank.
'you’ve got all the qualifications for the job and id really like to hire you, but I’m afraid that tic of yours might be a problem.'
'no problem' said the candidate. 'all I need to make it go away is a couple of cough drops. look. I’ll take some now.' and he began emptying his pockets on the desk. the prospective employer was startled to see dozens of packages of condoms piling up: edible ones, lubricated ones, multicolored ones, every variety imaginable. 'aha,' cried the young man happily, ‘here they are.' he brandished two lozenges, swallowed them, and sure enough, the head shaking stopped immediately. ‘so much for the tic,’ said the sales manager sternly, gesturing at the mountain of rubbers,’ but what about all these condoms? I don’t want you screwing around on the job.’
‘no fear. I’m a happily married man.’
‘So how can you account for the contents of your pockets?’
‘its simple, sir. Did you ever go into a drugstore, shaking your head like crazy, and ask for a packet of cough drops?’

2006-09-02 06:17:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two sperm cells are swimming along. One pulls out a map and says to the other: "How far until we get to the fallopian tube?"
and the other replies: "It's miles yet, we've only just past the tonsils."
**************
There were three men on a camping holiday, all in a tent in a farmers field. In the morning the three men told eachother what they had dreamt the night before.
The one on the left said "I dreamt that someone was pulling my knob all night!"
The one on the right said "I also dreamt someone was pulling my knob all night."
The one in the middle said "I dreamt i was skiing."

2006-09-02 06:06:01 · 26 answers · asked by Pd 6

how about in pubs restaurants or homes etc??

2006-09-02 06:04:50 · 13 answers · asked by Matt d 2

1st Drunk: "That's what i'm going to do when I get rich!"

2nd Drunk: "What.. what are you going to do!"

1st Drunk: "Take my lawn to be cut!...hic"

2006-09-02 06:01:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Some examples:

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The present is a good time to present the present.

I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt

After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.

The dove dove into the bushes.

2006-09-02 05:58:24 · 16 answers · asked by ameebas rock 2

"There goes Stupid Man".......... Dum Dum Wa King

"I think you need a face lift"... Chin Tu Fat

"I thought you were on a diet".. Wai Yu Mun Ching

"Your body odor is offensive"... Yu Stin Ki Pu

"Small Horse".................... Tai Ni Po Ni

2006-09-02 05:52:52 · 20 answers · asked by ameebas rock 2

ASIF. heehee

2006-09-02 05:48:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

regularly laid furniture, would you open a store?

By the way,, roosters don't lay eggs,,,they lay chickens.

2006-09-02 05:45:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.

What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes at a four way stop.

These two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

2006-09-02 05:42:44 · 6 answers · asked by ameebas rock 2

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
"Just flush it like everybody else does."

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A space invader.

What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes at a four way stop.

These two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

2006-09-02 05:41:48 · 6 answers · asked by ameebas rock 2

ANY STORIES, WIERD OR FUNNY , ESPECIALLY STORIES THAT ARE SO EMBARESSING THAT YOU COULDN'T TELL ANYONE YOU KNOW!!!

2006-09-02 05:38:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-02 05:35:56 · 10 answers · asked by goldie 1

God grants an english bloke 1 wish,for never committing a sin in his life,The bloke says"Well,i like to holiday in Greece and i hate flying so it would be great if you could build me a road so i could drive there!"God replies,well its a bit of a tall order,couldnt you choose something a bit easier?".The bloke replies"Ok,well i'd love to know how womens minds work!".God replies"Ok!so how many lanes would you like this road?"

2006-09-02 05:29:33 · 5 answers · asked by silverfox_388 2

2006-09-02 05:29:24 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

i'm as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I'll approach like a breeze, but can come like a gale. by some i get hit, but all have shown fear. i'll dance to the music, though i can't hear. of names i have many, of names i have one. i'm as slow as a snail, but from me you can't run. what am i??.

2006-09-02 05:27:24 · 11 answers · asked by hot_damn42 1

My friend came up to me today and said "Dead Fish!" and I agreed completely.

This is not a special code we use or anything, and so it is possible for someone else to work out what it meant.

So, 10 points to the first person who accuratly describes the situation which lead to "Dead Fish" being a reasonable sentance to say to me.

.........GO!

2006-09-02 05:24:39 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man takes his saint Bernard to the vet. 'he’s been behaving funny lately, and his nose isn’t wet anymore.' the vet picked the dog up and looked at its nose. 'I’m going to have to put him down,’ said the vet. 'why, just because his nose s dry?' asked the man is disbelief. no, because he’s too heavy!'

2006-09-02 05:22:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-02 05:19:22 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous