Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-02 11:17:56 · 16 answers · asked by murft66 3

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."

2006-09-02 10:59:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." No, from skipping."

2006-09-02 10:58:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

there were these 2 aleins trying to learn there american way first they learned the tone me me me! then they learnd forks and knives forks and knives then they leard breaken out breaken then someone was killed the police said do u know who killed this person? me me me! oh what u killed them with? forks and knives forks and knives oh now that u r going to jail what do u plain on doing? breaken out breaken out LOL

2006-09-02 10:54:25 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-02 10:47:12 · 21 answers · asked by luby 1

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "My two female talking parrots only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

2006-09-02 10:29:44 · 18 answers · asked by ? 6

one half to the eldest
one third to middle son
one ninth to the youngest

This is a difficult calculation for the sons and ask a wiseman for help.

The wiseman says I will give you one sheep to make 18, and the calculation will be easy.

one half of 18 is 9
one third of 18 is 6
on nineth of 18 is 2
giving a total of 17, the wiseman can now take his one sheep away leaving the three sons happy with their inheritance.

2006-09-02 10:28:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

why is a goose one and geese are many?
So why when people have goose bumps y don't we call them geese bumps?
I always call them geese bumps and people think I'm crazy! well I am I guess!

2006-09-02 10:20:02 · 8 answers · asked by bobsdidi 5

whoever tells the best gets points!

2006-09-02 10:07:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The riddle has to be in the form of describing something so it sounds like something else. For example: The native rubs his mouth with hog bristles= brushing teeth. Please include answer. Hardest one wins 10 pts!

2006-09-02 10:05:37 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

tell me a good joke

2006-09-02 09:57:32 · 17 answers · asked by Foolishness. 4

Because of the "Tight Ends"...
I don't know, I'm retarded. I just made that up lol and I thought it was kinda funny. You could also say because of the "Wide Receivers" or also because of the "Backfield in Lotion" wait I meant "Backfield in Motion"... hehehe

2006-09-02 09:52:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

next week is freshman acceptance week. so i need to decorate a sash for my lil sis. i cant think of what to do with it. also we make them do embarrassing stunts. ideas for that would be nice also. =)

2006-09-02 09:36:54 · 8 answers · asked by Jessica♥ 1

I'll give you TWO of my best answers plus 4 pts for answering 2 questions! 24 POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-02 09:27:22 · 7 answers · asked by ♫♪♫TAY-LUR♫♪♫ 3

2006-09-02 09:20:53 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-02 09:17:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Make me laugh!!!

2006-09-02 08:58:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you got paid with 'it' you wouldn't be happy. The Rich Needs 'it'. The Poor has 'it'. But if you eat 'it' you'll die. What Is It???

2006-09-02 08:26:04 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

i have 30 minutes now,will you please help me to utilise these

2006-09-02 08:25:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1, i'm some time white,
although some times i'm black
i take you there,
but never bring you back
WHAT AM I?



2..If you have me, you want to share me,if you share me, you havent got me.

WHAT AM I?

2006-09-02 08:25:31 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little
girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
" Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
" Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket fora safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
" Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop & said,
"Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

2006-09-02 08:22:34 · 22 answers · asked by veri 1

It's 10:00 in America -- Do you know where your children are?

It's 10:00 In Porto Rico -- Do you know who your children are?

It's 10:00 in Poland -- Do you know what time it is?

2006-09-02 08:21:21 · 13 answers · asked by DrPepper 6

Here is a riddle for the true intellectual. Try to come up with the answer on your own... The answer is at the end for those who are unable to think this one through!

At the exact same time, there are two 35 year old young men on opposite sides of the earth:
One is walking a tight rope 1000 ft. high between two skyscrapers.
The other is getting a blo-job from an 85 year old toothless prostitute.
They are both thinking exactly the same thing.
What are they both thinking?
Scroll down for the answer











ANSWER:


Don't look down... Don't look down... Don't look down...Don't look down..

2006-09-02 08:02:56 · 14 answers · asked by Reca 2

2006-09-02 07:59:27 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

any other funny movie you've seen

2006-09-02 07:49:50 · 9 answers · asked by jillavonnie w 1

A dum blonde walks into a chinese restaurant, the waiter asks her "can I help you? what would you like?. She says Sum-Yung-Men

2006-09-02 07:46:23 · 29 answers · asked by lady love 2

2006-09-02 07:41:10 · 13 answers · asked by divine4ever 1

2006-09-02 07:40:14 · 16 answers · asked by divine4ever 1

if a fella met a fella in a field of beans
said a fella to a fella
could a fella tell a fella
what a fella means

2006-09-02 07:23:34 · 23 answers · asked by angel 36 6

WHich of the following statements is NOT true??



1. kyle russel has a vagina

2. levi is sexy

3. preps suck

4. lauren heinrich isnt emo

5. most skaters are posers

6. PMOO is puncuation cows

8. We eat orchids

9. Tyler mIller is mormon face

10. 7 burgundy

11.Levi looks cool with his cyst

12. Alyson likes erica

2006-09-02 07:10:41 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous