I'll give you TWO of my best answers plus 4 pts for answering 2 questions! 24 POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-02 09:27:22 · 7 answers · asked by ♫♪♫TAY-LUR♫♪♫ 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
If you get picked for best answer click on my avatar go look at my questions choose one answer it and you'll get best answer!
2006-09-02 09:34:19 · update #1
A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting.
He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down.
"Yes officer?"
"I have to ask you, what are you doing?"
"Well sir, I am reading a magazine."
"What about the young lady in the backseat?"
The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater."
"How old are you young man?" the officer asks.
"I am 25 Officer."
"And the girl?"
The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes
2006-09-02 09:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by rostajparker 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1) A Marriage Proposal in a Newspaper : I want a girl with no drinks... if she wants she can wear jeans in house
but, while stepping out of house she should give respect to our caste
(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
2) I love my patner, i marriage the patner ok, i search my patner and i love the patner, ok the patner has a graduate ok!
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
3) What do women have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
4) What makes women chase men when they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles when they have no intention of driving.
5) TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
6) TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
7) TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
8) TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
9) TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
10) TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
11) TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher
12) This is a famous paper written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with source material, quotes and analytical reasoning.
This guy wrote the below answer and topped the exam!
OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987
ESSAY QUESTION
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer: This is courage
13) When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
14)
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
15) A Husband: We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
16) A Husband: She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
17)
A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled
"It really works!"
18) Q: - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures.... U Continue to do so.
19) There are 8 ways to describe you... nice, friendly, so cute, loving, very sweet, funny, charming , thoughtful. In short, you're just like.... me !
20) Today is an international day for the mentally disabled. Please send an encouraging sms to a mentally disabled friend, Just as I did.... HA HA HA!!!
2006-09-02 17:58:29 · answer #2 · answered by JC 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He Said/She Said
He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear
pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you? She said . Turn sideways
and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government
bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q.. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q.. How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?
A.. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?
A. They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
2006-09-02 16:29:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would
make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.
And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,
the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,
"No, you don't say that here!!"
The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..
2006-09-02 16:32:46 · answer #4 · answered by Utd4Life 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A burgular broke into a house one night after he saw the owners were gone. As he was crawling in through the window he heard a voice say "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shone around with his flashlight and discovered a parrot in a cage. The bird repeated, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar decided to ignore the bird. As he shone his flashlight around the room he was surprised to find a large rotweiller watching him. The parrot said "Sic 'em Jesus!"
2006-09-02 16:44:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."
His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."
2006-09-03 04:57:15 · answer #6 · answered by mrsdongwan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard
2006-09-02 16:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by smurf_reaper 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋