Snorring Dog - Naughty joke rate it pls.?

Question

An old lady is having trouble with her pet dog snoring every night and keeping her awake. So she goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring.
The next night her dog is snoring so she gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.

Later on that night her dog is snoring again, so she gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis, and he stops snoring.

The next morning the dog wakes up, looks down at himself, and says: "I don't know what kind of freaky perverted dog-show you entered me into last night lady, but it appears I came in first and second."

Answer 1

heheehhehehehehehehehee good one

Some self-evident truths about pets...

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Answer 2

Highly intelligent dogs, like very bright children, get bored easily. When there is nothing interesting to do, they look for ways to amuse themselves. Some raid the trash, others pull apart the sofa, rip up the rug, chew holes in the walls, dig up the yard, chew up the plants, scale the fence and take off. A highly intelligent breed or mix is a blessing or a curse. It is a blessing to the person who dearly wants a super bright dog, knows how to keep that brain occupied, and gets it involved in a lot of activities (herding, agility, freestyle, flyball, Treibball, obedience, more), takes it lots of places to explore new areas, never stops socializing it, plays with it at least once every day (more times are better), gets it plenty of exercise, teaches it tricks, and keeps that brain and that body so busy that the dog may as well wear a halo it is so good. It is a curse to the person who is unprepared for this kind of dog's constant need for activity and mental stimulation, or knows what the dog needs and fails to provide it. It isn't a matter of "I think I can get away with this." It is a matter of "Dang it, I'm so bored I wish I could find something interesting to do. I need to get more training and more exercise every day! Oh, well, what's in the trash today?" The "alpha" stuff, in case you haven't heard, has been thoroughly disproven. It was based on faulty science, which studied groups of unrelated wolves thrown together in small enclosures, that were frightened and fought a lot. REAL wolves live peacefully in family units containing only the mother, father and their pups of various ages, until the pups grow up and eventually go off to form their own family units. They don't call them "alpha male" or "alpha female" anymore. The correct terms are "breeding male" and "breeding female," as the only members of the family unit that mate are the parents. None of that really matters, however, because decades of studies all around the world of feral dogs have proven that dogs don't form packs. The dog is not a packing animal. So, if doesn't form or live in packs, ever, then it doesn't have a pack mentality (and that was made up after viewing those unrelated captive wolves fighting in small enclosures instead of real wild wolves living peacefully in family units). Your dog knows you aren't a dog and it will never view you as alpha or beta, gamma or zeta because it isn't like a wild wolf in an artificial setting with unrelated other wolves in a small enclosure. It is a dog. Dogs are related to wolves, surely, but they do not behave as wolves do, any more than most people act like Gorillas or Chimpanzees or Gibbons. The dog knows that you already control everything it wants or needs, and it really doesn't matter a bit who goes in or out the door first. Doing silly things like alpha rolls and scruff shakes are good ways to scare a dog into either peeing every time it sees you or biting you out of self defense...or just plain avoiding you. Your dog isn't waiting until you leave to act up. The dog becomes horribly bored after you leave and is desperate to find something to do. Border collies were bred to work 8 or more hours a day herding sheep. Two walks a day and some attention just aren't enough.

Answer 3

Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.

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Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Husband: that you are a lesbian.

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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!

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Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was afternoon meal & left leg evening meal what would you prefer?
Boyfriend: Eating between meals !!!!

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Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!

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How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn’t multiply!

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Lady : “I want a good vibrator” Salesman: “Ma’am ! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall”
Lady : “O.K. I’ll take that red one”
Salesman: “Sorry, that’s our fire-extinguisher”;

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A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: “I gave birth to him - he’s mine” The father said: “I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine !!”

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A girl says to her boyfriend, “One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.”
The guy says ‘thanks for the warning’

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A Husband Was Asked: “Do you talk to your wife after sex?” He replied:
“Depends, If I Can find a Phone”

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Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for problems where others look for pleasure!!!

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Man to wife on wedding night- “Are you sure I’m the first man you are sleeping with?’
“Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!’

Answer 4

Lols...great joke ^^

I've got one that i'd like to share...

A woman bought two parrots, one of whom she was warned was extremely aggressive. And it was, too! When she took the cover off the cage the morning after bringing them home the aggressive parrot had killed the other stone dead! To teach it a lesson she then bought a condor -- and again when she took the cover off the cage the next morning the parrot had put paid to the intruder. Determined not to be beaten the woman then bought an eagle! In the morning she took the cage off -- and there was the eagle, dead on the floor of the cage! But this time the parrot was completely denuded of feathers! It stood on its perch, totally featherless, ****** its head on one side, looked at his mistress and said, 'I really had to take my coat off to that one!'

Answer 5

10/10.
Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
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http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
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http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 6

that's some seriously funny stuff

Answer 7

haha an oldie but a goodie ♥

Answer 8

Not funny

Answer 9

If that pooch was chinese he'd be named wun hung lo!

Answer 10

2 thumbs up for you....really funny....