tell me A joke?

Answer 1

your face...

Answer 2

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After
they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe,
look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to
be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's
evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's
It tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber than
buffalo ****. It means someone stole tent."

Answer 3

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.
She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went
dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto
the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof
is
on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!
Burn, muthafukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always
cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would

make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.
This
would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the
choir stand with her.

And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, "The roof, the
roof,

the roof is on fire, we don't need no water-let the muthafukkah burn!

Burn, muthafukkah, burn! She embarrassingly corrected the parrot,

"No, you don't say that here!!"


The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same
muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!..

Answer 4

A guy found three girls, a blonde a brunette and a redhead, on the street and asked them a question. He asked them if you were trapped in a desert what would be the one thing you would take with you. The brunette said food, the redhead said water, and the blonde said a car door. When asked why they would bring the items, th brunette said so i won't get hungry, the redhead said so i won't get thirsty and the blonde said if i get hot i can open the window. I hope you like the joke ;)

Answer 5

A little boy goes and asks his dad for a ten-speed bike. Dad tells him, "Now son, I've got a 250 thousand dollar mortgage on our house and your mom just lost her job. I can't afford a ten speed for you."
The next morning, the dad sees the boy sitting on the porch with a suitcase packed. "Uh, son, where are you going?"
The boy replied, "Well, last night I passed your bedroom, and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out, and she said that she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'm staying here with a 250 thousand dollar mortgage and no bike."

Answer 6

What's Black, White and Read all over

A newspaper

Answer 7

On a tour of England, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the north west coast. His 4x4 Pope-Mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Manchester United jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Liverpool tops roared into view. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Manchester
United fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling from the shore...... It was the Pope, summoning them to the beach.

Upon reaching land, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said,"I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I'd heard there were racist, xenophobic people trying to divide the people of Britain but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true".

"I can see your society is a truly enlightened example of tribal harmony which could serve as a model for other nations." He blessed them all and drove off.

As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that?!"
"That,"one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows **** all about shark fishing.

How's the bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"

Answer 8

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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."



A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ***."




Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

Answer 9

What's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger.

Answer 10

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 11

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were all out on the golf course with their wives. All of a sudden a very strong breeze blew the dress of the Englishman's wife up to her waist while she was on the tee, revealing that she wasn't wearing any underwear. "For heaven's sake woman why aren't you wearing any knickers?" the Englishman asked. She replied " with the money you give me I couldn' afford to get any". So he hands her 50 pounds and says "For the sake of decency go buy yourself some knickers". The Irishman's wife also goes up to the tee and the same thing happens, revealing that she too is not wearing any underwear. He, shocked, yells "Why aren't you wearing any underwear?" She replies "On the money you give me I couldn't afford any. He then hands her some money and says "For the sake of decency go buy yourself some underwear". The Scotsman's wife then goes to the tee, and sure enough, it happens again, revealing that she too is not wearing any underwear. He asks her "Why aren't you wearing any underwear?" She answers him "With the money you give me I can't afford any". Thinking what to do, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a comb and hands it to her and says "Well for the sake of decency use this and tidy yourself up a bit".