Who has a GOOD joke???

Question

best gets the 10 points

Answer 1

so you live in a 4 story hotel on the first floor there lives a newly wed couple on the second floor lives a scientist and on the third floor lives a blind man and you live on the second floor. so you start to take a shower and you hear a knock at the door so you wrap a towel around you and answer the door and the newly weds say congradulate us on being newly weds so you congradulate them and get back to your shower than you hear another knock at the door so you wrap the towel around you and its the scientist and he says congradulate me on finding a cure for cancer so you congradulate him than you get back to your shower than you hear another knock at the door and you assume its the blind man so you dont bither to wrap a towel around yourself and you answer the door and the blind man says congradulate me i can see again

Answer 2

There were 4 country churches in a small Texas town: the presbyterian church, the baptist church, the methodist church and the catholic church. Each church was had pesky squirrels. One day the presbyterian church called a meetin to decide wat to do about the squirlss. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. In the baptist church the squirels had taken up habitation in the baptisterry. the deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drownd the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week .THe Methodist church got 2gether and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. 3 days later the squirrels were back. But The catholic church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. lol

Answer 3

This is a great joke!

Three friends were walking in the woods. Suddenly, it started to rain and they were hungry. Friend 1 said,"Lets eat. I am hungry. Friend 2 said,"Ya, me too." So they sat down to eat. Friend 3 said,"We are going to get wet but dont worry, I will get the umbrella. And don't eat until I come." After 2 hours Friend 1 said,"What's taking Friend 3 so long? Lets just eat." Friend 2 said,"Ya, there is no use if he brings the umbrella now coz we are all wet." So when they start eating Friend 3 calls from behind one of the trees in the woods,"Dont eat or else I wont bring the umbrella." LOL!

Answer 4

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 5

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends one night, Ted led his way to his bedroom where the place of pride was given to a large brass gong... ..."What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the takling clock'." Ted replied. "How does it work?" "I'll show you" Ted said, giving it an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded dodger. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For gods sake you idiot, it's 2 o'clock in the morning."

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex??
A: Mace will do that to you!!

A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronxand clearing his throat, asked. "um, err, which one of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?" A giant of a man wearing biker leathers with his body hair growing out of the seams turned slowly on his stool... ... He looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?" "Well, " squeaked the little man, very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir." "What?"roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?" "Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy." "Bull!" Roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that he choked on it , sir."

I liked all of these and couldn't pick a favorite.

Answer 6

Got one, hang on...

A woman is in a coma.
The nurses notice that when giving her a sponge bath "down there" her monitors show signs of improvement.
They drop the subtle hint to her husband that a little oral might bring her out of the coma.
He goes into her hospital room and a few minutes later she flatlines.
The nurses rush in and she is revived (still in coma, but breathing, heart beating, etc.)
The nurses ask the husband WHAT HAPPENED?!?!
He replies, "I guess she must have choked..."

Answer 7

Two quick ones nothing fancy: OK a guy walks into a bar ... ouch! OK #2 what do you call a fish with no eye's? fsh oh yeah this is pretty good What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? POKEYMAN

Answer 8

Guy walks into his Wife's bedroom with a
sheep under his arm,and says "Honey this
is the Pig I sleep with when you have your
headaches " and the Wife says "I think you
will find that is not a Pig" The Husband says
"I think you will find,that I was not talking to You"

Answer 9

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Answer 10

THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO WAS OVER-WEIGHT AND ONE DAY HE WAS LOOKING THROUGH THE NEWS PAPER AND HE SAW AN ADD FOR A WEIGHT-LOSS PROBLEM. IT SAID LOSE 10 LBS FOR $30, 15 LBS FOR $40 OR 20 LBS FOR $50. SO HE CALLED THE PLACE AND STARTED OFF WITH THE $30 PLAN. THE NEXT DAY, A FAIRLY GOOD-LOOKING CHICK SHOWS UP AT HIS DOOR NAKED WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS "IF YOU CAN CATCH ME, YOU CAN HAVE ME"... AFTER CHASING HER, HE ACTUALLY LOST THE 10 LBS...SO HE DECIDED TO GO FOR THE 15 LBS. THE NEXT DAY AN EVEN HOTTER CHICK SHOWED UP WITH THE SAME SIGN...AND AGAIN BY CHASING HER, HE LOST THE 15 LBS...THIS WAS REALLY WORKING FOR HIM SO HE DECIDED TO GO FOR THE 20 LBS...THE NEXT DAY THIS GAY GUY SHOWS UP AT HIS DOOR WITH A SIGN THAT SAYS "IF I CAN CATCH YOU, I CAN HAVE YOU"