Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

Deduct, Defense, Detail, Defeat.

2006-09-01 10:42:08 · 27 answers · asked by Golosa 3

mary had a little lamb...

how does the rest go and was there any deviations from the original rhyme?
can some-one please fill me in on the details.
thank you.

2006-09-01 10:33:27 · 7 answers · asked by ? 1

for example, in other countries

2006-09-01 10:24:50 · 6 answers · asked by Anna 4

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
"Very good, " said the mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde." her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good." said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.
"Very good." said the embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"
"No...it's because you're 25."

2006-09-01 10:19:18 · 19 answers · asked by Reca 2

Whats the difference between a garage full of dead babies and a garage with a porsche in it?

2006-09-01 09:59:25 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-01 09:57:46 · 10 answers · asked by Perfectly Flawed 5

2006-09-01 09:55:19 · 27 answers · asked by A.G 2

2006-09-01 09:54:25 · 15 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

you are driving on a highwaywith a valley onthe left. headed towards you on the right is a fire engine at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig going the same speed as you, and behind you is a helicopter again going the same speed as you. How do you safely get out of this situation?
I'll print the answer tomorrow check back, but have fun with your answers

2006-09-01 09:49:06 · 11 answers · asked by magraloo 2

2006-09-01 09:38:21 · 4 answers · asked by gman 1

i put a couple of my jokes on his site a week later i watch his tv show he did my joke i was juss trying to put my jokes out there and see how poeple think

i say snow whites a hooker living in a cardboard box with seven homless dudes u no doppy or sleepy is hitting that he says snow white aint so pure living in a shack with seven dudes u no happy is hitting that he stole my joke

2006-09-01 09:27:59 · 11 answers · asked by ermaarthur@sbcglobal.net 3

Every morning they'd meet at work.

2006-09-01 09:23:22 · 5 answers · asked by imnotbtami 5

What a Woman says:

“This place is a mess! C’mon, you and I need to clean up , your

stuff is laying on the floor and you’ll have no clothes to wear

if we don’t do the laundry right now!!!!”

What a Man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON

blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I

blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

2006-09-01 09:15:42 · 8 answers · asked by Inquirer 5

Go to my 360 page and take a look, they are very funny!

2006-09-01 09:15:28 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want to see something so funny i will laugh my head off plz yalll give me something good

2006-09-01 09:10:31 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

So I'm an Insurance Agent for a company in florida that works exclusively with seniors, (which in it's self will bring a few jokes I'm sure) but I called this one home today and an old lady answered. I asked to speak with her husband and after she called to him to answer the phone she said this to me.




Why are men so damn much smarter when they are having sex?





Cause they are plugged into a genius.


No sale for me, but damn was that funny!

2006-09-01 09:09:05 · 3 answers · asked by cleazott 3

CRUST!!!!!!

2006-09-01 08:55:57 · 28 answers · asked by jnnybartos 2

There was a girl who lusted after a man. She wanted him. He asked her out for a date. He was to come to pick her up at 7pm on Saturday. At 6 55pm she felt that she had to fart. She did not want to fart in the house because she knew that it would smell and she did not want to have the man think that she had a stinky house. The fart was balled up in her intestines. It hurt. She had to fart. She developed a quick plan. When he walked her to the car he would open her door. She would fart while he walked aroud the car to his door. She would open the car window and fan all of the 'offensive' gas out of the car before he got in. The man arrived at 7pm, walked her to the car and opened the door as planned. When she got in she farted, a very loud BRAAAAAAT. She opened the window and waved her hands to fan the smell out. She was comfortable. The man got in, indicated to the back seat and said, 'Oh, by the way, I want to introduce you to my parents. They are going to eat with us'.

2006-09-01 08:48:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

please help!

2006-09-01 08:44:49 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would you stay home or go to work

2006-09-01 08:43:47 · 27 answers · asked by stuff 2

2006-09-01 08:37:13 · 8 answers · asked by dprut 2

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

“No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”

“I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”

“You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted.

“I hardly think so!” responded the lady. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”

2006-09-01 08:36:05 · 12 answers · asked by Inquirer 5

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn.

He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house.

As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again”.

"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."

"I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".

2006-09-01 08:35:23 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-09-01 08:33:00 · 4 answers · asked by Only Sometimes 3

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

2006-09-01 08:30:56 · 9 answers · asked by sammydeea 3

the man who makes it doesnt need it the man who buys it doesnt want it the man who uses it doesnt even know he is using it what am i

2006-09-01 08:28:16 · 5 answers · asked by sammydeea 3

In one is a herd of bulls and in the other is a herd of horses. One day a really strong wind blew up and knocked all the horses over. Perplexed, one of the horses went over to the fence and called out to one of the bulls, "Hey, why didn't you fall over when that strong wind just blew through here?" A bull yelled back, "Because we bulls wobble but we don't fall down!"

2006-09-01 08:28:12 · 8 answers · asked by Coo coo achoo 6

Divorce
A farmer walks into an attorney's office to file for a divorce...
Attorney: "May I help you??"
Farmer: "Yeah, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
Attorney: "Well, do you have any grounds?"
Farmer: "Yeah, I got about 140 acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?"
Farmer: "No, I don't have a Case, but I got a John Deere."
Attorney: "No, you still don't understand! I mean do you have a grudge?"
Farmer: "Yeah I got a grudge! That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Farmer: "Yes, sir, I got a suit! I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Farmer: "Nope, we both get up about 4:30."
Attorney: "Okay, let me put it this way... why do you want a divorce?"
Farmer: "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

2006-09-01 08:26:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was at the cashpoint earlier, when this little old lady asked me if i would check her balance.... So i pushed the old git over...lol...

Apologies to the older generation, just a wee joke..

2006-09-01 08:20:18 · 43 answers · asked by Platinum 3

Heavy Plane
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area,
suddenly loses power and starts to nose down.
The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo,
the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers
in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter.
They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot.
So they throw out a rifle. "More!" he cries again.
They heave out a missile, and the pilot regains control.

He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport.
They get into a jeep and drive off. Pretty soon they meet
a boy on the side of the road who's crying.
They ask him why he's crying and he says "A pistol hit me on the head!"

They drive more and meet another boy who's crying even harder.
Again they ask why and the boy says, "A rifle hit me on the head!"

They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk
who's laughing hysterically. They ask him, "Kid, what's so funny?"
The boy replies, "I sneezed and a house blew up!"

2006-09-01 08:17:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous