Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

In an office, there are 5 employees who are known as thus:
Ms. Who
Ms. Where
Ms. What
Ms. How
Ms. When

Now, a person steals money from the safe of the office accountant's room. After intensive search and investigation, the police zoomed in on the following 5 suspects because they were the only people who went to the Accountant's office on that day despite it being an off day:

Mr. Someone
Mr. Ever
Mr. Always
Mr. Sometimes
Mr. Tomorrow

The Police Chief says he will find the culprit pretty soon. The Police Chief is also planning to take the help of Women's Cell as the office where theft took place only has women employees and we all know that women are less comfortable interacting with men who are after all disturbing them like hell (Police also detained and questioned all of the employees who happen to be women).

You have to tell the name of thief stealing the money? Also give the logic. Guesses wont fetch you 10 extra points, remember.

2006-09-09 05:53:07 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored.
Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.
Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there, but who gives a damn?

2006-09-09 05:43:04 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6

im all around sometimes i can be seen normally i cant

2006-09-09 05:32:36 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
Middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.
These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or
Leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

(I love this one!!)
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

2006-09-09 05:03:26 · 15 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

1/4, 1/2, 1, 3, 6, 12, 24, ?

2006-09-09 04:33:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Three men go to a hotel and ask the manager how much it is for one night. The manager tells them $30. Each man pays $10. When the men get to their room the manager realizes that he overcharged them. The cost was really $25. So he gives $5 to the bellhop to give to the men. The bellhop dosn't know how to give the $5 to the men equally so he puts $2 in his pocket and gives $1 to each man. So if each man spent a total of $9 the room costed $27. And if the bellhop has $2 wich equals $29 where if the thirtieth dollar?

2. There's an elm tree growing in the forest. There are 8 branches. On each branch grows 8 acorns. If someone picks 1 acorn from each branch how many acorns are on the elm tree?

3. Some birds lay their eggs in trees and some on the ground. Where does a peacock lay its egg?

4. If a rooster sits on the top of of house with two slanted sides which side does the egg roll off of?

5. If a butcher is 5 feet tall what does he weigh?

2006-09-09 04:18:48 · 14 answers · asked by Drama Queen 6

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
$280,000 mortgage & no bike!"

2006-09-09 04:15:09 · 11 answers · asked by Helzabet 6

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.


What is it?

2006-09-09 03:58:03 · 22 answers · asked by mr_spike432 2

correct answer get 12 points.

2006-09-09 03:15:07 · 27 answers · asked by ArchAngel Raziel 3

2006-09-09 02:11:25 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why is Arkansas is very proud of Bill?
All of these women coming forward and none of them are his sister!

What is the difference between Bill and a sea cucumber?
One has no spine, guts, or heart, and its sex organ is indistinguishable from its brain. A sea
cucumber, on the other hand, can never be President.

Why was Monica's birth so difficult?
She was born knees first.

What is the difference between Tara Lipinski and Monica Lewinsky?
One had a great performance and didn't not blow it, while the other performed and blew it!

Why was Bill down in Nevada last weekend?
They were having a Presidents Day Sale at the Mustang Ranch.

2006-09-09 02:08:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q. How did Clinton create 14 million new jobs?
A. 13 million of them are comedians

Q. What did Bill say to the Intern in the Lincoln Bedroom?
A. "Want to go down for breakfast?"

Q. Why was Bill kicked out of the Cub Scouts as a boy?
A. He was caught eating Brownies.

Q. Why doesn't Monica eat yogurt?
A. It doesn't hit the back of her throat at 30 miles per hour

2006-09-09 02:03:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-09 02:03:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 Jews, Al & Sid were in a restaurant in Mexico. Al asks Sid, "are there any mexican jews ? I'm going to ask the waiter". The waiter comes to serve them and Al asks him "are there any mexican jews. The waiter says, I be right back and he went into the kitchen. The waiter returns and says "sorry Senor no mexican jews. They look at each other with disbelief and says to the waiter, are you sure there are no mexican jews, we're all over the world. The waiter says let me check again. He comes back and says to them sorry Senor there are no mexican jews, we have orange jews, grape jews and apple jews.

2006-09-09 01:52:23 · 23 answers · asked by lady love 2

(O|O) - U = T
(O + T = U
TU = ??

2006-09-09 01:51:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-09 01:37:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-09 01:32:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-09 00:32:38 · 15 answers · asked by acrazyplayer 2

Sitting here broken hearted
payed 5p and only farted
second time round i took my chance
kept my money and sh*t my pants

2006-09-08 23:57:17 · 11 answers · asked by loopy lass 3

3 people reserve a motel room over the phone and are told it will cost $30.00 total. They get to the motel where they each put in $10.00. to pay for the room. After the clerk sees them to their room and starts to count the nights earnings he realizes he over charged the 3 people. The price should have been only $25.00 So he heads up to their room to refund the $5.00 they were over charged. As he's about to knock on the door he thinks to himself " how do I divide $5.00 between 3 people? He decides to make it easier on himself by keeping $2.00 as a tip. He knocks on the door and informs the people what happend then gives them each $1.00 as a refund. So how much did each of the 3 people end up paying? Originally they payed $10.00 each. After getting $1.00 each as a refund they would have payed $9.00 each. 9X3 is 27 + the $2.00 the casheir took out for a tip makes it 29 dollars total. Where did the extra $1.00 go?

2006-09-08 23:35:07 · 15 answers · asked by notame n 1

2006-09-08 23:30:07 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am more powerful than God...
more evil than satan.

Rich men don't need me...
Poor men have me...

If you eat me...you will sureley die!
What am i?


(starts with the letter "N"...7 letters...end with "G")

2006-09-08 22:50:15 · 18 answers · asked by cigarette lighter 1

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her
five-year old son playing with his new electric train in the
living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you
bas tards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the
last stop! And all of you bas tards who are getting on, get
your low-income as ses in the train, cause we are going down
the tracks."
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use
that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to
your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you
come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use
nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed
playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother
heard her son say, "all passengers who are disembarking the
train, please remember to take all of your belongings with
you.

2006-09-08 22:50:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The best joke posted will get 10 points! =)

2006-09-08 22:49:05 · 10 answers · asked by carbon dioxide 2

2006-09-08 22:34:52 · 14 answers · asked by kittykins 6

You are given 5 bags. There are 10 beads in each of the bags. In four of the bags, the beads each weigh 10 kilograms. In the remaining bag, each bead weighs only 9 kilograms. All the bags and beads look identical. You must find out which bag has the lighter beads. The problem is that all the bags look identical and all the beads look identical. You can use a scale, but it has to be a single-tray scale, not a two-tray balance scale. Also, you may use the scale only once. How can you find out which bag has the lighter beads?

The one who comes up with the solution gets 10 points. Good luck ;)

2006-09-08 22:06:30 · 7 answers · asked by Madison 2

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend
so get yourself a dog."

2006-09-08 22:01:07 · 20 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If
the Jew won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around
me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."

"And then?" asked a woman.

"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

2006-09-08 21:35:47 · 5 answers · asked by miracleMB 3

2006-09-08 21:32:55 · 17 answers · asked by Cherry 4

well it was a joke told by our chemistry sir so u should not blame me everytime. he told iron means fe n man means male so vallabhai patel is fe+male that's female. coz he's the iron man of India. It was just a joke yaaar!

2006-09-08 21:26:35 · 22 answers · asked by googly 3