whats your funniest joke?

Answer 1

Three preachers and their wives were killed in a car accident, upon their arrival at the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter.
The first preacher walked up and said" Hello St. Peter, I'm ready to come in".
St. Peter checked his list and said" I'm sorry your name is not in the book."
"What!" exclaimed the preacher," I have been a preacher for thirty years!" "Yes" replied St. Peter,"However,you are guilty of glutteny, you loved food and sweets so much you even married a woman named Candy."
The pastor,defeated took his wifes hand and walked away.
The next preacher came up to the St. feeling pretty certain he would be allowed in. "I'm ready to come in St. Peter" he said with a smile."I'm sorry, your name is not in the book." "HOw can that be?" asked the preacher, "I have been a pastor for 20 years!" You are guilty of the sin of greed, you loved money so much, you married a woman named Penny." Defeated, the preacher took his wifes hand and walked away. The last preacher, certain of the out-come, turned to his wife and said, "Come on Fanny, I'm not gettin' in."

Answer 2

2 rednecks are sitting in a bar and 1 says, Im tired of not being educated! im gonna go to the community college and sign up for some courses. so the next day he goes to the college and the dean signs him up for 4 classes, english, math, history, and logic. the redneck says "Logic? whats that?" the dean says "ill show you, do you own a weed wacker?" the redneck says "yes" the dean then says " Then using logic i assume you have a yard, and if you have a yard then i assume you have a house, am i correct so far?" the redneck says "Yea! thats amazing!" then the dean says " Using logic i assume that because you have a house you have a family, and be cause you have a family you have a wife, correct?" the redneck is amazed and says "Yes thats all true thats amazing!" the dean says "So using logic i can tell that because you have a wife, you are a metrosexual, correct?" The redneck is amazed by all this and says "Yes thank you so much ill be back for my first class monday!" so the redneck runs of to the bar and meets his friend and says "i signed up for 4 classes, english, history, math, and logic." The second redneck says "whats logic?" the first redneck says "Ill show you,do you own a weedwacker?" the second redneck says "no" the first redneck then says "Then your gay"


Ha hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha i love that joke, its a little long but its worth it!

Answer 3

One day a boy is told by a classmate that most adults have secrets,and an easy way to get money from them is to say,"I know the whole truth"even if that's not the case.The boy decides to try the scheme at home,and says to his mother,"I know the whole truth." She quickly hands him $100 and says, "Not a word of this to your father," Happy,the boy waits on the front steps for his father and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father peels off $200 and says, 'Just dont tell your mother.' Next,the boy tries his luck with the gardener. "I know the whole truth," he says as the gardener approaches the porch.The gardener drops to his knees,open his arms and says, "then come give daddy a big hug." lol!

Answer 4

A sardarjee is driving very fast and he was intercepted by a policeman who like him also a sardar
sardar police:show me ur licence.
sardar driver:whats that.
sard p:a card with aphoto of you
sardar driver searched his pocket dashboard and takes out a mirror saw his face and gave mirror to policeman.
After looking at the mirror the police sard said
You should have told me that you also a police,you could escape all this checking.

Answer 5

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the
driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's *** and say, 'Lets do it!' And, she's always sound asleep."

Answer 6

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have
boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, "The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is." The boy,
pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his
mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, "The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is." Again satisfied
with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his mother:
"Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks,
the dumber he gets."

Answer 7

these 2 aliens land their ship in the desert... they start walking only to find an abandoned gas staion.
alien #1 steps up to the pump and states "take me to your leader"
alien #2 tells #1 not to mess with it!
alien #1 says again to the motionless pump, "take me to your leader"
alien #2 starts to get really nervous and tells #1 to leave it alone!
alien #1 says "take me to your leader or i shall blast you with my raygun"
alien #2 starts to run....
true to his word, he shoots the gas pump
KABLOOEY!!!!!!!
the explosion blows them almost back to the ship......
alien #1 turns to #2 and askes... how did you know????

#2 says : any man that can stand there with his di*k wrapped around his waist, thrown over his shoulder and stuck in his ear has GOT TO BE A MEAN MUTHER FU*KER!!!!

Answer 8

what will come out from a marriage of a person from iceland and a cuban?















an ice cube.

Answer 9

the tarzan jokes are really good ones i love them

Answer 10

Boy: Will u punish me for something i didnt do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Boy: Good coz i didnt do my homework.