Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

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2006-08-14 05:28:13 · 12 answers · asked by Erin A 2

a riddle..good mornting..:)

2006-08-14 05:23:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I shave my legs
I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to the barber, but a beauty salon
I can get a massage, without a hard on
I can balance a checkbook
I can pump my own gas
can talk to my mates about the size of my a$$

My beautys a masterpiece and yes it takes long
I can admit to others when I know that I'm wrong
I don't drive in circles at any cost
and I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost

I never forget an important date
You just got to deal with it, I'm usualy late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I won't lose my hair
I don't get jock itch
Just cos I'm assertive
Don't call me a *****

Flowers are ok
But jewelry's best
Look at me you idiot, not at my chest
Don't call me girl, babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN
Got it you DICK.

2006-08-14 05:19:08 · 16 answers · asked by Lyn I 5

What is the similarity between Myself
and BILL GATES ? ! ? ! ? !

2006-08-14 05:18:28 · 33 answers · asked by INTEL Inside 2

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

2006-08-14 05:11:15 · 6 answers · asked by designer_bunnie 3

2006-08-14 05:08:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am assuming no, it is after all purgatory. Do they have restrooms or are you sentenced to an eternity of the pee dance.

2006-08-14 04:57:44 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 04:50:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

please tell me thr funnyest jokes you ever heard.if you think they will offend other people email me with the joke at flippinadamoruggiero@yahoo.com

2006-08-14 04:36:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

LOL

2006-08-14 04:26:30 · 9 answers · asked by VanillaIce 3

2006-08-14 04:26:11 · 7 answers · asked by Lee 7

2006-08-14 04:21:48 · 15 answers · asked by Moe 1

One time, i stayed up WAY Past midnight.... yay! *falls over laughing*

2006-08-14 04:21:39 · 10 answers · asked by elizabethiee 2

2006-08-14 04:04:31 · 23 answers · asked by spidermike 2

2006-08-14 03:59:11 · 18 answers · asked by Newme 3

Give logical answer for that ?

2006-08-14 03:45:40 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 03:40:41 · 23 answers · asked by roopesh r 1

im only a sophomore, but i have to start planning now. i want to so the greatest senior prank ever! help me please!

2006-08-14 03:12:11 · 7 answers · asked by cricket32391 2

where i come from the cheapest ways of travel is called teleport,its a very old mode of travel and therefore most of the time things go wrong with it like last night
i teleported home last night with ron and sid and meg,rodneys got meggys heart and i got sydneys leg.
what should i do

2006-08-14 02:58:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any idea on where I can find a good murder or mystery plot with clues that I can use to email coworkers to try and solve the mystery? I don't want to role play or have a get-together. We want it to be completely through email. Thank you!

2006-08-14 02:42:35 · 2 answers · asked by KAZ 4

a mother asked her daughter if she was sharing her sled with her brother. the daughter said "of course! i ride the sled down the hill, and he rides it up the hill".

2006-08-14 02:33:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

You stand a chance of getting your children back off the rottweiler.

2006-08-14 02:27:57 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a fat girl falls in the woods. do the trees laugh?

2006-08-14 02:05:34 · 35 answers · asked by willa 1

First dog says to the second "What are you in for?"

Second dog replies "I'm in to get put down, everytime I see a child I have to bite them and my owner has had enough" what's up with you then?

The first dog says " Oh I'm a guard dog and the other night I heard a noise coming from upstairs so I went to investigate. As I looked up the stairs I saw a large shadow at the top of the stairs so I jumped on it and got stuck in. Only for the light switch to come on and then I realised that the shadow was my mistress".

The second dog says " I suppose your in to get put down as well"

"Oh No" said the first dog " I'm just in to get my paws clipped"

2006-08-14 02:03:46 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 01:38:16 · 15 answers · asked by Sweepy 3

2006-08-14 01:13:18 · 6 answers · asked by mithil agarwal 1

Spam from people or companies you have never heard of wishing you a happy birthday just to prove how clever they are having your birthday on theit database ............grrrrrrrrrrrrr

2006-08-14 00:57:25 · 30 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

who gives the answers correct will get the points or not

2006-08-14 00:56:57 · 13 answers · asked by Aneeesh . 1

If you have, what was it like,and did you know that you was under

2006-08-14 00:54:29 · 18 answers · asked by David H 2

2006-08-14 00:44:40 · 9 answers · asked by r c 1