Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-13 20:28:08 · 21 answers · asked by Henr 2

A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in.

What should have he said?

2006-08-13 20:20:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gates (CEO of Microsoft), Andy Grove(CEO of Intel) and Jerry Sanders (CEO of AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.

Bill says, "Oh, that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call." So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.

Bill explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can a take a call anywhere."

The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me, gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.

When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isn't that neat?"

The others nod, and the meeting continues.

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a fax."

2006-08-13 20:12:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

2006-08-13 20:10:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

He is the only one with sesame seed buns.

2006-08-13 20:03:25 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

Put up a "Bingo" sign.




<>

2006-08-13 20:01:52 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6

MONEY!
LOL
You perverts!

2006-08-13 19:59:41 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

Bar Room Translations


1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)

2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the
next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)

3. "HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your
attractive friend into a compromising position.)

4. "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (FEMALE)
(I'm easy.)

5. "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (MALE)
(I'm gay.)

6. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick
you.)

7. "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to
you on the ride home?)

8. "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)

9. I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)
(I'm horny.)

10. "WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at
diverting attention.)

11. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)

12. "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now.)

13. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of
the way.)

14. "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ***. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not
all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are.
Coming in
here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll
slap
you *****, like the slut you are.)

15. "WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
(What's cheap?)

16. "CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (MALE)
(I'm really gay.)

17. "CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (FEMALE)
(I'm really easy.)

18. "THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR".
(Did I sleep with him/her?)

19. CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
(I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)

20. I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
(I'm 19.)

21. "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
(I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4
after my last visit here)

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You
know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is
to make love." "Well," said the other woman," that will certainly
revolutionize the game of hockey!"

2006-08-13 19:57:35 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

the true definition of ohhhh crap!

2006-08-13 19:55:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my brother is gay."
The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of
whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guys says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of
whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, "I found out my other brother is gay."
The bartender says, "Doesn't anyone like pu ssy anymore?"
The guy says, "Yeah, my sister".

2006-08-13 19:50:59 · 16 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Previously, we had this following riddle:

What happens when a piano drops on a military base?
A: A flat major!

Heheh... And here is today's riddle:

Why did the dog decide to jump into the river?

Have fun!

2006-08-13 19:31:29 · 19 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-08-13 19:31:23 · 11 answers · asked by Brian 1

2006-08-13 19:02:22 · 24 answers · asked by Crazy_Wanderer 3

1) What do you get when you cross a cow with a camel?

2)What colorful letter can you eat?

3)What does a baby ghost sit in?

4)What do lions and tigers prey on?

5)Where do lions,tigers and bears work out?

2006-08-13 19:00:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four people were riding in a train coach. A woman and her beautiful nineteen-year-old daughter were on one side, and facing them were the army general and his escort, an army private. The train enters a tunnel, and the cabin becomes dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The mother thinks, "That young man stole a kiss from my daughter, and she rightfully slapped him." The daughter thinks, "That young man tried to kiss me and kissed my mother by mistake and got slapped." The general thinks, "That young man stole a kiss, and I got slapped by mistake." The private thinks,"I'm pretty smart. I kiss the back of my hand and get to hit the general."



lol:)

2006-08-13 18:51:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Remember that this is in the Jokes and Riddles Catagory, so don't think logical/serious on this.

2006-08-13 18:41:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Rs= rupees

Ps= paise

1Rs = 100 Ps

= 10ps X 10 ps

= 1/10 rs X 1/10 rs - ( simple- 10 paise is 1/10 th of a rupee)

= 1/100 rs

= 1 ps - ( as 1/100 th of a rupee i 1 paise )

now then, 1 Rs=1 Ps

how how how

answer fast

10 points correct answer first

2006-08-13 18:36:34 · 22 answers · asked by jay Z 4

what would you say.. and what are your wishes.. ?

2006-08-13 18:08:07 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-13 18:05:55 · 29 answers · asked by ear help! 3

He was singing on the road again.

2006-08-13 18:02:55 · 14 answers · asked by (NO) NAME 5

WHICH EVER JOKE I BELIEVE IS THE FUNNIEST WILL BE CHOSEN AS BEST

2006-08-13 18:00:08 · 24 answers · asked by antimatter 1

Who would make a better pick for a laboratory subject Bush or a chimp? Why the chimp of course, at least he makes intelligent choices.

2006-08-13 17:51:21 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

Heres a riddle for the Geniuses of the world...
8-Digits long
** RIDDLE**
The first is always the last
Right to the fourth, Its just after the first
The 6 is first, and the descending that it starts stops at 4
For the Remaining Three, 7 is in the middle

2006-08-13 17:43:33 · 11 answers · asked by blacksheep0685 1

""Life is all about *** ...... either you are covering it, kicking it, kissing it, or trying to get it."

2006-08-13 17:32:46 · 10 answers · asked by dana_marei_1982 1

2006-08-13 17:25:58 · 20 answers · asked by bhcky79 3

watz ur fave dane cook episode? mines monopoly

ITZ 4 IN THE MORNING GRANDMA U WIN!
DONT TOUCH ME GRANDPA! NANA IS A CHEATING WH*RE!

haha u gotta luv that guy!

2006-08-13 17:21:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

for those who dont know what an aggie joke is, here is the facts.

Aggies attend the Univerisity of A&M in Texas. The school begun only as a engineering school and so people thought of those who attended it as.... .one track minds. Some compare them to blonde jokes.

The following is a news cast from A&M university

"News flash.... a two seater cesna has crashed into a cemetery next to A&M campus. The Aggie Search and Rescue unit responded quickly and has so far dug up 230 bodies and will continue the search as the body count rises. The two pilots, both A&M students have joined in the search. Further developments will follow".

2006-08-13 17:20:06 · 9 answers · asked by clomtancy 5

AIDS

2006-08-13 17:10:18 · 15 answers · asked by shark 1

It just doesn't make any sense to me.

2006-08-13 17:01:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-13 16:57:10 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous