Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

so imagine i drew and line(------------------) and you have to make it shorter with out touching it how is it possible and it is possible

2006-08-14 11:02:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 10:57:36 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.

The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first.

She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process. This is my child and a part of me."

The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question.

The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out. Now tell me, who does the drink belong to: me or the machine?"

2006-08-14 10:56:50 · 14 answers · asked by Erin A 2

Mad

2006-08-14 10:53:41 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 10:46:56 · 13 answers · asked by Nikki 3

Just curious... ;)

2006-08-14 10:44:30 · 14 answers · asked by Nikki 3

A pretty blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she almost to unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

Bill, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the ride

2006-08-14 10:44:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-14 10:39:47 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

try giving me jokes that u think that nobody heard of.

2006-08-14 10:35:44 · 17 answers · asked by ben h 2

Somebody told me this one today:
Why didn't the mom not let her twelve year old see Pirates of the Caribean?
Becuase it was rated Arr!!

2006-08-14 10:29:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points to the funniest!

2006-08-14 10:28:42 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

"At the end of the day, a policeman parked his police van in front of the station house. His K-9 partner was in the back barking, which caught the attention of a boy who was passing by. He asked "Is that a dog you have back there"?, "It sure is," He answered. The boy asked again looking so confused "WHAT DID HE DO"???

2006-08-14 10:20:47 · 15 answers · asked by L!LO 4

both make you more relaxed
only one you can do with me in the room
you can't do either standing up
only one involves water

2006-08-14 10:17:01 · 12 answers · asked by magerk 3

First one to get this right wins.

1. It is a thing.
2. It is soft.
3. You don't hold it when you use it.
4. Can come in many colors.
5. Used indoors.

1st person to get this right wins ten points. It is nothing sick by the way.

What is the answer?

2006-08-14 10:09:06 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy falls in love with a girl. They both love each other a lot. The girl changes gradually as time passes. She starts ignoring the guy and starts thinking about herself. The guy is heartbroken and depression overtakes his life. Then...

2006-08-14 10:05:07 · 13 answers · asked by zhish_blaster 2

as i was walking down a lane
i saw a man doing just the same
he tipped his hat and drew his cane
in this riddle i have told you his name

2006-08-14 09:47:34 · 24 answers · asked by ♥chiodosluv♥ 2

2006-08-14 09:43:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was asked this riddle and I do not know the answer.

2006-08-14 09:36:58 · 71 answers · asked by Woo_go_Portugal 1

Don't be a slowpoke, give me a rating please ?

2006-08-14 09:34:55 · 4 answers · asked by Featherman 5

2006-08-14 09:17:35 · 17 answers · asked by sunnmoon 1

A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the driver and holds up one hand.The driver holds up two hands . Next, the woman points up , the driver points down. Then, the woman grabs her breast, the driver grabs his crotch. Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.A curious passenger asked the bus driver what the odd motions were all about.The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute. She asked me if a bus ride is five cents, and I told her it was ten cents. Next, she asked if the bus was going uptown, and I told her it was going downtown. Then, she asked if the bus was going past the dairy, and I told her it was going past the ballpark......"
The passenger interjected,
"Okay, but why did she grab her butt as she left the bus?" The driver continued, "She replied, Oh sh*t, I'm on the wrong bus

2006-08-14 09:10:37 · 18 answers · asked by Pd 6

what are everyones funniest one liners, jokes, comebacks?

2006-08-14 09:06:38 · 15 answers · asked by nick p 2

i need some really funny jokes for my profile anything as long as there funny i need a few of them

2006-08-14 09:02:19 · 8 answers · asked by glossyflossy13 2

let's hear yours.

the native american indian brave went to his father the chief one day. he asked him how did he decide on his and his siblings names. the father explained to him that he chose the names when he woke in the morning and looked outside the teepee, and whatever he saw, was what the name would be. "when your sister was born, i looked out and saw a deer running by. that's how she came to be called running deer. and when your brother was born i looked out and saw an eagle flying overhead. that's how he came to be called flying eagle. the brave just said, oh, and looked downcast. the chief asked "why do you ask, two dogs f*cking?"

2006-08-14 08:57:30 · 10 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

My _______ hurt so bad that I couldn't ________ for more than ________ !

2006-08-14 08:53:11 · 14 answers · asked by yer daddy 3

Also whats that other site similar to youtube?

2006-08-14 08:52:01 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a slight inclination of the crainium is as adiquate as a spasmodic movement of the optic to cause a equine quadapec of the visionary capacity

2006-08-14 08:45:21 · 18 answers · asked by compo 2

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and cost ten dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

2006-08-14 08:43:06 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Complete it...
Woman is a man weakness, man weakness is...

2006-08-14 08:26:45 · 34 answers · asked by Viety 2

the funnier, the better.

2006-08-14 08:23:45 · 34 answers · asked by mbhoy 2