Anybody know any good redneck jokes?

Question

10 points to the funniest!

Answer 1

Survivor, Texas Style



A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 2

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?" "Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?"

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Answer 3

A visiting professor at the University of Montana is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that's a good start,” says the professor, “Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That's really good,” continues the professor, “I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

15 students raise their hands.

“That's a great response,” remarks the impressed professor, “has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” asks the professor.

One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished.

He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor asks, “Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!?” Dang, I thought you said ‘goats.’

Answer 4

Ya know yer a redneck when all yer salad bowls say Cool Whip

Answer 5

If a redneck couple gets a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Answer 6

you just might be a redneck if your name is Hot Soccer Girl

Answer 7

mite be a redneck if family Reunion an orgy mean the same

Answer 8

you might be a redneck if Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

Answer 9

Sorry.

I have used up all my good ones.

Answer 10

i dunno where i heard this but
"You might be a redneck if there are forks in your family tree..." lol