I'm sad today. Anyone have any jokes or silly stuff to cheer me up?

Answer 1

Survivor, Texas Style



A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Bush, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

Answer 2

Little Johnny, Billy and Tommy were walking home from
school one warm spring day. As they were cutting through
the alleys and backyards, they happened to look through
a hole in the fence of one of the yards where a woman
was sunbathing in the nude. As they looked through the
hole, Johnny suddenly started to scream, left his
friends and took off running for home.The next day, as
the three boys came home again, they found the same
hole in the fence and started to watch the woman. Again,
after just a few minutes, Johnny started screaming and
ran off quickly. On the third day, the boys were
peeping into the hole in the fence again after school,
when Johnny turned around and started to run again.
But this time, Bill and Tommy grabbed him and demanded
to know what was wrong.Johnny replied, "My mother told
me that if I ever looked at a naked woman,I would turn
to stone....And I started to feel a part of me
getting awfully hard.. "

Answer 3

Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped
out of the circle three times

A nun arrives at the local bar
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that Nun again

Answer 4

Go to the Hallmark cards site and click on anything "Hoops and YoYo". My 10 year old daughter and I were up past midnight almost literally peeing our pants!! Have fun!!

Answer 5

a man passed his sons bedroom one nite and heard him praying,he said dear god bless my mom and dad and grandma. bye bye grandpa. the father didnt kno what this meant but he was happy his son was praying,so he kept walking. the next mourin the grandpa was found dead in his bed. the dad was a little freaked but didnt dread on it. the nxt nite his son was praying again, he said ''bless mom and dad. bye bye grandma.'' the nxt mouring the grandma died of a heart attack. that nite the dad heard his son again and he said '' bless mom bye bye dad'' okay now the dad was scared. he couldnt sleep and the nxt mouring he went to the dr. to c if every thing was okay. wen he got home the mom said o good ur here, the milkman died on our door step this mouring

Answer 6

Turn your speakers up, get ready to laugh and cheer up, and click on this link:

http://www.yourdailymedia.com/media/1152360540/Dog_Wins_A_Game_Of_Simon_Says

Answer 7

I was slashing through the jungle with my big toenail...slashing through the jungle to no avail...Stabbing people in the heart...with my big toenail!!