Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100 If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!

2006-07-20 14:47:49 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) If one=3, two=3, three=5, and four=4, what do five + six= ?

2) I sound like a word of one letter, but I’m actually three.
Look the same from both ends - I’m a palindrome you see.

3) Take me from there, and I end up here.

4) I can be seen when it’s cold, but not when hot.
You need me to live - take your last and you're not.

5) Add a letter to one, place it with care.
Use the right letter - it’s no longer there.

Also, please answer my other questions, thanks.

2006-07-20 14:43:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella
worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling
shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
and
the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
huckers;they
had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go
to
the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.Her
name
was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.She turned a
pumpkin
and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys
who
had buge hollocks and dig bicks

The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise,
there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly
the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!"
said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so
dropping
her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and
the
sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and
let
off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the
stinking
brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly
isters
without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack
in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and
a
hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived
his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen
swanny.

2006-07-20 14:41:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

my friends and i are bored.please make us laugh.the one that makes us laugh most gets 10 points.NO BLONDE JOKES PLEASE!!!

2006-07-20 14:41:02 · 17 answers · asked by nobody 3

a masked man goes to a sperm bank gun in hand. He finds the nurse and demands to be taken to the vault. She tries to tell him that there is no money, but he insists on going to the vault.
Holding a gun to her head, he makes her take out 3 vials of specimen and orders her to drink them. She begs him not to, but he cocks the gun and orders her too. After she complies, the man removes his mask and she recognizes him as her husband. Confused she asks why?
He says, Now that wasn't so f*&^*& hard was it?

2006-07-20 14:39:36 · 15 answers · asked by maria f 2

here is my name- kmji8cx dhygter3wolpolw3e (michelle)hahahahaha : )

2006-07-20 14:37:51 · 49 answers · asked by colelover798 1

ill announce the winner ASAP i wrote the number on my hand

2006-07-20 14:35:50 · 87 answers · asked by Anonymous

a guy owes a friend and promised to pay him back...
he only have a few money on his pocket but not enough to pay him back. so he went to gamble...
he won and doubled the money he originally have and gave $10 to his friend...still not enough for the debt, he went back to gamble,
again he won and doubled the money that was left from the first winning., again gave $10 to his friend...still owing money.
went to gamble again,doubled the money left from 2nd gambling and gave another $10 to his friend...
paid off but no money left in his pocket....how much money this guy originally have?

2006-07-20 14:34:15 · 5 answers · asked by m1021 2

The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only "fasten 8."

2006-07-20 14:30:30 · 13 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

so theres a room with a door.inside the room is a lite bulb.outside the room are lite swiches.there are 3 swiches.you have to find out wich swich turns on the lite bulb in the room.but you can only open the door once.

2006-07-20 14:28:33 · 14 answers · asked by Jenna A☻♥ 2

2006-07-20 14:18:45 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

or any good slogan website?

2006-07-20 14:17:13 · 2 answers · asked by Blujeenz♥ 3

thats just the begging. whats gretter than god, more evil than the devil, the rich don't need it, the poor have it and if you eat it you will die.
don't just focus on one question.

2006-07-20 14:16:34 · 13 answers · asked by PunkyChick 1

A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation." The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a provate room.

20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?" "I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me? The nurse replied "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..." She gets on her knees and begins to blow him. "I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"

2006-07-20 14:15:21 · 8 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

i know that someone will pick all three number's in tonight Pick 3 lottery drawing ~david blaine

2006-07-20 14:13:50 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

2)jim and katie, who each measure 1m20cm in height, were playing in the school yard at break-time. each held one end of a 2m long skipping rope at the same level as the top of their heads. the skipping rope at its lowest point was only 20cm from the ground, so why did sally find it so difficult to jump over the rope and join in the game?

2006-07-20 14:13:19 · 8 answers · asked by jetshadow25 3

whichever makes me laugh or w.e. gets best answer....GO!@

2006-07-20 14:10:12 · 28 answers · asked by medium.skate 2

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, would you give me a blow_ job?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?

Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you..."

2006-07-20 14:06:45 · 2 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

The Perfect Gentleman

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "

2006-07-20 14:06:11 · 17 answers · asked by lonnie 3

2006-07-20 14:03:49 · 19 answers · asked by TeNNeSSee PrIde 3

Im looking for an interesting joke or riddle to tell my friends and please no sexual humor.

2006-07-20 14:02:05 · 9 answers · asked by jaunlniaH 2

2006-07-20 13:59:00 · 5 answers · asked by cryp 2

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in a convent which is being renovated. Mother Superior was very stern and instructed that they get not one drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this, they decided to lock the door and strip off their habits and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project there's a knock on the door.
"Who is it?"
"Blind man. replies the voice
The two nuns just shrug and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.
They open the door and a man enters.
"Nice boobs, where do you want these blinds?

2006-07-20 13:57:51 · 15 answers · asked by xxxx 2

One day, little Suzy was being babysat at her grandparents' house. Her grandfather was going to clean out the shed, and she went to see what he was doing.

She noticed two spiders in the corner, with one on top of the other one, and said, "Grandpa, what is that spider on top?"

The grandpa looks at the spiders, and says, "Well, that's a daddy longlegs." and continues with cleaning out the shed. A few minutes pass, and the little girl is still curious about the spiders. She says, "Is the one on bottom the Mommy longlegs?"

The grandpa says, "No, that's a daddy longlegs too, Sweetie,"

Then, the little girl walks over, stomps on and kills the spiders and says "We're not gonna have any of that sshit around here!"

2006-07-20 13:56:58 · 18 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

2006-07-20 13:56:07 · 5 answers · asked by Ivy 3

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in the father's room the other day and guess what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, "I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied.

The third nun fainted.

2006-07-20 13:50:47 · 8 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are your own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, students you can relate.



Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his Own children.



After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam & Eve. The very first thing he said was, "DON'T"



"Don't what?" Adam asked

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!

"No way!"

Yes way!

"DO NOT eat the fruit!" said God

"Why?

"Because I'm your Father and I said so!" God replied (wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.)


A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and He was ticked!

"Didn't I tell you NOT to eat the fruit? God, as our first parent asked.



"uh huh, " Adam replied

"Then why did you?" said the Father

"I don't know, said Eve

"She started it!"

"Did not!"

Did too"

Did Not"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed!



So don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?



Advice for the Day:



If you have a lot of tension and get a headache, do what is says on the aspirin bottle:

"TAKE 2 ASPIRIN and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

2006-07-20 13:38:32 · 7 answers · asked by xxxx 2

Gimme blonde jokes, yo mama jokes and whatever you have worthy of my question:P! Gimme your best. Whoever gets me rolling on the floor laughing gets the best answer! Play nice folks!

2006-07-20 13:37:14 · 6 answers · asked by SquirrelBait 5

2006-07-20 13:22:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please help work drags by:) But make them short:) Have a grateful night:)

2006-07-20 13:17:41 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous