Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

1. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

2. What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

2006-07-20 13:17:17 · 6 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5

2006-07-20 13:09:32 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day the 7 dwarfs were talking and they realized that they had never saw Snow white naked so they decided to go see. They all stacked up and told each other what was happening.
The one on top said"she's taking off her shirt" and it traveled. taking off her shirt, 7x
taking off her skirt 7x
taking off her shoes7x
Shh someone's coming
me too 6x

Sorry I just wanted to know what you thought of it
It's from my nasty uncle

2006-07-20 13:05:53 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-20 13:04:56 · 12 answers · asked by GirlVirgo♥ 2

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife a nice gift for their first anniversary. He buys her a cell phone and explains all the features and so on.
The next day the wife goes shopping and the husband calls her. "Hi Honey, how do you like your new phone?
"It's great, your voice is so clear, I love it. But there's one thing I don't understand."

What's that?

How did you know I was at Walmart?

2006-07-20 13:04:21 · 6 answers · asked by xxxx 2

Some months have 30 days, some have 31. How many months have 28 days?

2006-07-20 13:03:48 · 22 answers · asked by teh_n00b 2

I thought..never done that, might help keep me cool- does it ****! I'm sweatier than ever and it's prickly-I don't know why you girls bother. I would stay hairy, it's not so bad to look at!

2006-07-20 13:03:45 · 16 answers · asked by syelark 3

don't think hard...this right answer...10 points tomorrow

2006-07-20 13:02:47 · 6 answers · asked by ~ ♥ Sun$hine ♥ ~ 3

Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." (umm OK, I'm sure the lamb appreciates that one)

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (OK, like THAT makes sense...)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Ouch!)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or a piece of wood at all times. (...a brick?)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is capitation. (Wonder how they enforce that one?)

2006-07-20 12:57:02 · 7 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.

She also wants him to put the words "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas" on her left thigh just below the bikini line.

So the guy does that one and it turns out pretty good as well.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"

She replies, "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"

2006-07-20 12:47:20 · 15 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

1. What state is surrounded by the most water?

2. A woman has 7 children, half of them are boys. How can this be possible?

3. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

2006-07-20 12:46:14 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

2006-07-20 12:41:20 · 8 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

2006-07-20 12:39:22 · 13 answers · asked by Karlo C 2

* I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
* Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
* In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
* Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
* What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
* A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Grafton Street and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
* Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
* Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her." Dad: "That happens in every country, son!"

2006-07-20 12:32:48 · 8 answers · asked by heatherlynnmorrow 5

2006-07-20 12:30:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-20 12:12:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-20 12:01:17 · 22 answers · asked by $BLUECRIP$ 3

What did the blonde say to the doctor when she got pregnant?






"You sure it's mine ?

MAXIM

2006-07-20 11:43:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

no black jokes plz

2006-07-20 11:30:30 · 24 answers · asked by burnt bob 4

dont care how crappy you think it is!!!! i wanna hear your joke!

2006-07-20 11:23:21 · 15 answers · asked by yoda 1

Research it! If you give me the most and the best you get the best answer!

2006-07-20 11:21:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Amazingly she still loves her father and she and the rest of the family are not cross about it. How come??

2006-07-20 11:13:37 · 23 answers · asked by Midnight Dynamo 3

2006-07-20 11:12:43 · 7 answers · asked by archimedes_crew 3

Doesnt matter what type of jokes they are. They can be yo mama, blonde, what ever.

2006-07-20 11:09:04 · 12 answers · asked by Tasha 2

my avatar is fading,lol
do not worry about making me mad,hit me with your best shot

2006-07-20 11:06:08 · 7 answers · asked by ? 4

After a Long Gap between 2 friends meets one day
1st person : How are u ?
2nd person: Ya fine
1st: Hey i got married,
2nd: Oh thats good !
1st: No thats bad she is ugly !
2nd: Oh thats Bad!
1st: No that good, Bec she is Rich
2nd:Oh thats good !
1st: No thats bad, she wont give me a money to spend
2nd:Oh thats Bad!
1st:No thats good, she bought me a Big house!
2nd:Oh thats good !
1st: No thats bad, the house burnt down!
2nd: Oh thats bad.
1st No thats good, Bec she was in it !!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-20 10:45:05 · 38 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

It takes an hour to cook minute rice
You sell you car for gas money.
You think a quarterback is a refund.
You're eating on the way home, thinking about what you are gonna eat when you get home.

YOU'RE DEFINITELY A STONER IF...
everyone else is a lightweight.
You thought the movie TWISTER was about a guy who rolls really good joints.
You thought LOST IN SPACE was a CHEECH & CHONG movie.
You thought AIR BUD was a movie about good bud that makes you think you can fly.
You think the SUPER BOWL is the newest product at the headshop.

2006-07-20 10:35:58 · 24 answers · asked by rustybongwater 2

1. The state of being redundant.
2. A superfluity; an excess.
3. Unnecessary repetition.


why say it twice?

a unique, one-in-a-lifetime opportunity

absolutely essential

absolutely necessary

ACT test

advance forward

advance warning

affluent rich

always and forever

anonymous stranger

associate together

attach together

autobiography of my life

awful bad

bad trouble

basic fundamentals

begin to proceed

boiling hot

bunny rabbit

cash money

cease and desist

Chile pepper

circulated around

classic tradition

close proximity

closed fist

collaborate together with

combined together

complete monopoly

completely filled

component parts

continuing on

crimson red

dark night

delete out

down under

Each and every one of you

elevate up

end result

enter into

evil villain

exactly the same

falling down

famous celebrities

fellow colleagues

Fill in the empty blank

first of all

for your FYI

former graduate

free gift

full satisfaction

gather together

grand total

Greetings & Salutations

handwritten manuscript

HIV virus

hopes and aspirations

hygienic cleaning

I thought to myself

immortalized forever

individual person

inner core

jet plane

KFC chicken

kitty cat

last will and testament

LCD display

live audience

male son

marital spouse

merge together

more easier

my personal opinion

negative misfortune

new discovery

newborn baby

null and void

original founder

over and above

pair of twins

past experience

past tradition

Pie a la mode with ice cream

pizza pie

positive yes

previous history

print out

proposed plan

protective helmet

raise up

repeat again

revert back

rising above

RSVP, please

safe sanctuary

Scotch Whisky

sharp point

sink down

small speck

solitary hermit

specific example

square box

sufficient enough

swampy marsh

temper tantrum

terrible tragedy

tiny bit

true fact

turning around

under cover

unique individual

unmarried old maid

useless and unnecessary

wall murals

whether or not

with au jus gravy

Xerox copy

young child
A.M. in the morning

ABS braking system

academic scholar

added bonus

advance scout

affirmative yes

all inclusive

and etc.

ask a question

at this point in time

automatic ATM machine

baby calf

bare naked

beautiful vista to look out upon

boat marina

brief moment

burning hot

CAT test

Chicken Coq au Vin

chili con carne with meat

circle around

clam chowder soup

climb up

close scrutiny

cold frost

commence to begin

complete stop

completely unanimous

consensus of opinion

convicted felon

crystal clear

deja vu all over again

descend down

duplicate copy

elderly senior citizens

empty hole

empty space

ending outcome

essential necessity

exact replica

extreme hazard

false illusion

favorable approval

female daughter

final farewell

first priority

foreign imports

former veteran

freezing cold

future plans

good success

grateful thanks

growing greater

hanging down

honest truth

hot water heater

I remembered back

ice cold

income coming in

initially from the beginning

it's raining outside

join together

killed dead

knowledgeable experts

latex rubber

little baby

live witness

manually by hand

mental thought

money-saving coupon

More than unique--it's practically one of a kind!

near vicinity

New & Improved

new innovations

Not one single person

oral conversation

other alternatives

P.I.N. number

passing fad

past history

personal friend

Pizza Hut pizza

plait a braid

postponed until later

previously recorded

prior history

protective armor

puppy dog

refer back

return back

Rio Grande River

round circle

safe haven

SAT test

separate out

shrimp scampi

small child

soda pop

soup du jour of the day

spinning around

still remains

surrounded on all sides

tear apart

temporary reprieve

three triplets

toys and playthings

tuna fish

two twins

unexpected surprise

unmarried bachelor

unsolved mysteries

usual custom

V.I.N. number

wear upon

widow woman

written down

youthful teenager

2006-07-20 10:05:10 · 4 answers · asked by brandie m 1

2006-07-20 10:04:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Prisoner governor to prisoner.
I'm on to you Number 6789567
What'ja mean, govenor?
Look at your sick record, man. You had your tonsils out. You've had your adenoids out, you've had your appendix out. It's obvious- You're trying to escape bit by bit.
.

2006-07-20 09:54:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous