l NEED JOKES lllFASTllll?

Question

dont care how crappy you think it is!!!! i wanna hear your joke!

Answer 1

Why did the signal turn red??

You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street !

haa haa haa!

Answer 2

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

Answer 3

Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them. The reaction of his body to the beans was swift and terrible to behold.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.

Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.

Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, "Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you." She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful urge. He shifted his weight to the other leg and let go. This was the prize-winner. The windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping one ear on the conversation in the hallway, he continued like this for the next 15 or 20 minutes, fanning away each time with his napkin. When the sounds of farewells indicated the end of the telephone conversation, he neatly laid his napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife returned to the room.

Apologizing for talking so long, she asked if he had peeked. After assuring her that he had not, she removed the blindfold, revealing the dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party!

Answer 4

For your pleasure here are some,I hope you'll enjoy them.

Jeffrey Dahmer has his mother over for dinner.
His mother says "Jeffrey,I don't like your friends."
And Jeffrey says: "So just eat the vegetables."

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehova's witness?
A guy who knocks on your door but doesn't have anything to say.

A Navy Captain's just found out that the mother of one of his men (who's name is Abernathy) has passed away.He doesn't want to just lay it on the poor kid so he's up all night trying to the think of a nice way of telling him.
The next morning he gets it.He orders all his men to the stern and says to them "Everybody who's mother's still living step forward!---Not so fast Abernathy!"

Answer 5

Red Or Green

Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?"

The man replied "I have a red ring around my p-e-c-k-e-r, What are you here for?"

The other man said, "I have a green ring around my p-e-c-k-e-r."

The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him.

As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem.

The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his p-e-c-k-e-r and examined him.

The doctor says, "Your p-e-c-k-e-r is gonna fall off and you are gonna die".

The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??"

The doctor said, "Yes but there's a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!"

Answer 6

why did the football coach go to the bank?
to get his quarter back!

knock knock
who's there
interrupting cow
interrupting co-
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

here's a blonde joke. No offense to al the blondes out there .....

what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
pick it up, pull the trigger thing and throw it back.

Answer 7

looking 4 jokes, try lotsofjokes.com

Answer 8

once a boy wanted to take a shower with his dad.so he asked.dad can i take a shower with you?he said ok,but dont look at my limousine(private spot).the next day he wanted to take a bath with mom.so he asked.mom,can i take a shower with u?she said yes,but dont look at my garage(private spot).
later on the boy said 'mom open the garage so dad could put his limousine in'

Answer 9

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the turkey that he was not chicken enough to not do it. ( stupidest joke)

Answer 10

You so dirty when some one asks to use your bathroom you say "pick a corner".

You so fat when you step on a scale it says to be conutined. hAhA