Research it! If you give me the most and the best you get the best answer!
2006-07-20 11:21:55 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
tons hold on:
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
and this one
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
and this one: blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
and this one::
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."
The first said, "I wish I were smarter."
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"
So, she became a man.
and this one:
blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
and this one:
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and the top is down!
and this one:
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
and this one:
Three blonds on death row
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
oh cant forget this one:
blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
lastly:
BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Imitation of a blonde refuelling..
(Flap hand, blowing air into ears)
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.
Q: Why did the blonde have square ****?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Submitted by: Anthony Sandoval
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde ***** going to leave!?
A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don't know.
R: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
2006-07-20 11:24:33 · answer #1 · answered by St Guido 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
2. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
3. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
4. Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, ''I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked.''
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling ''Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!''
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling ''YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!'' With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, ''What the hell did she roll anyway?''
The second dealer answered, ''I thought you were paying attention!''
5. One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how to fly a plane.
The guy at the airport said there were no more plane flying lessons this year but she could take helicopter lessons.
The blonde agreed and the man taught her and said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet you go in the air." The blonde agreed.
He jumped in and took off. At 1000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, she radioed him and asked how she was doing. He said she was doing great.
But right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped and she started twirling to the ground. When she landed, he went over to pull her out of the helicopter.
He asked her what went wrong because she was doing perfect before.
The blonde said, ''At 2500 feet, I started to get cold so I turned the big fan off.''
6. Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
7. Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head!
8. A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"
9.
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
10. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
2006-07-20 11:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by zac_efrons_princess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
3 pregnant women go into the doctor's office. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
The brunette goes into the doctor's office while the other two are waiting in the waiting room. The brunette comes out all happy and smiling. The other two women ask the Brunette, "why are you so happy?" and the brunette answers "The doctor told me I was on bottom, so I'm going to have a boy". The other two women congratulate her.
The redhead goes into the doctor's office with the other two women in the waiting room and comes out happy as well. The other two women ask the redhead, "Why are you so happy?" and the redhead answers "The doctor told me I since I was on top, I'm going to have a girl" The other two women congratulate her.
The blonde finally goes in to see the doctor, and the other two women are in the waiting room. The blonde comes out, obviously upset and crying. The brunette and the redhead ask the blonde what's wrong and she says "I'M HAVING PUPPIES!!"
LMAO
2006-07-20 11:28:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Blonde And The Electric Bathtub
A blonde bought a new bath tub.
The very next day she went back into the shop and complained:
"I run the water but it doesn't stay in the bath"
Shopkeeper: "Did you put the plug in it?
Blonde: "I didn't know i was electrical"
2006-07-20 13:06:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why do blondes like sun roofs ?
more leg room
what does ablonde do when she gets up in the moring ?
goes home
what do u call 10 blondes in swimming pool?
air pocket
why do blondes were pants?
for ankle warmers
why are blondes boobs pointy?
because they forget to take the tissue out the box
2006-07-20 11:27:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A blonde serves more people in a night.
2006-07-20 11:25:48 · answer #6 · answered by ~SaRaH~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.
Help...there is a blonde drowning in my pool....its my fault...i put a scracth and sniff sticker at the bottom!
2006-07-20 12:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
2006-07-20 11:24:41 · answer #8 · answered by Shyguy85 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What did the blonde's left ankle say to the right ankle?
Nothing - they've never met.
How did the blonde chip her teeth?
Sucking on the vibrator.
What's the mating call of the blonde?
"Boy am I drunk."
(What's the mating call of a brunette?
"HEY, I SAID 'BOY AM I DRUNK!!!'")
2006-07-20 11:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by thedavecorp 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to spicyjokes.com there are heaps of blonde jokes on there amongst others. Check it out they're really funny.
Enjoy!!!
2006-07-20 12:03:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i know some
1.How do to drown a blonde ? put a miorr in the bottom of a pool
2.Put a blonde in a round room and tell her to pee in the coner
2006-07-20 11:31:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋