Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-05 15:40:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 15:33:28 · 6 answers · asked by Sarcasm♥Sparky 1

2006-07-05 15:20:29 · 12 answers · asked by ♥michele♥ 7

There are three guys, a Japanese guy, American guy, and Chinese guy. A geney will give the guy three wishes if he survives jumping out of a plane 3,000 ft in the air. So the Japanese guy goes first. He dies. American guy goes second he dies. The Chinese guy goes last e survives. The geney asks him how he lived. " Me Chinese me think fast me put pillow up my as*."

2006-07-05 15:13:51 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a
> valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same
> speed as you.
> In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
> and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground
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> Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same
> speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly
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> Answer:Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk.
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2006-07-05 15:05:48 · 14 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

The Tearful Bride...

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother," you don't understand.
"I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"

"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."

"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."
"Airplane ticket.... What did you need an airplane ticket for?"

"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said -
'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!"


It's not the funniest but hey you have to admit you smiled a little!

2006-07-05 15:04:33 · 9 answers · asked by soccerqueen155 2

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

hahaahahaha!
Well? Did yah chuckle? How many times? 1-5
Best comment scores big points....big points!!
SmileyCat : )

2006-07-05 14:48:23 · 10 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

In da summer, Ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go go to eat soma breakfast. I tella da waitress I wanna two piss toast. she branga me only onea piss. I tella her I wanna 2 piss. she say go to the toliet. i say you no understand. i wanna 2 piss on my plate. she say you better no piss on the plate you sonnamabit*h. I dont even knw the lady and she calla me a sonnamabit*h.So I go back to my room and theres no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tell him i wanna sheet. He tells me to go to the toliet. I say you no understand i wanna sheet on the bed. He say you betternot sheet on the bed you sonnamabit*h. I dont even knw the man and he calla me a sonnamabit*h. I go to check out and the man at the desk say peace to you. what I gonna tell him know?

2006-07-05 14:47:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

i guess it means that you dont like that person, but if you did like them, then what would you do to them with a ten foot pole?

2006-07-05 14:45:49 · 15 answers · asked by Mr. Ark 1

Tell me why which is better and why you deserve the 10 points.

2006-07-05 14:32:02 · 24 answers · asked by HERNANDO THE TRAIN BANDIT 2

for example: what do you call a bird at a techno party?
a) A raven.

2006-07-05 14:14:54 · 18 answers · asked by davlin2020 1

A GUY GOES TO A SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAY'S "HELLO."

HE'S RATHER TAKEN ABACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS HER FROM, SO HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?"

TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS."

NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS, "MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I LAID ON THE POOL TABLE WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING,WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED ME WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY .?".

SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER."

2006-07-05 14:01:14 · 27 answers · asked by scott g 1

is that funny or not for a t shirt or bumper sticker

2006-07-05 13:54:24 · 15 answers · asked by stone cold 4

A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner.

His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,

"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those lovely names."

The old guy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

2006-07-05 13:53:13 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-07-05 13:41:53 · 16 answers · asked by Fun and Games 4

I have a short funny joke but after the short joke can you give me a really funny joke?Funniest gets 10 pts! Here it is.....

The 7 dwarfs were sittin in the tub feelin happy.



So happy got up and left!


HAHAHAHA!!!!!

2006-07-05 13:34:38 · 11 answers · asked by .......... 3

the person who made me doesn't need me, the person who bought me doesn't want me the person who needs me can't see me. What am I ??

2006-07-05 13:28:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 13:26:09 · 12 answers · asked by Fun and Games 4

I want to make up a name for that event, where water rises up and hits you in your butt sometimes when pooping. Any ideas?

2006-07-05 13:15:35 · 14 answers · asked by Fun and Games 4

2006-07-05 13:04:01 · 25 answers · asked by Cassor 5

2006-07-05 13:03:19 · 13 answers · asked by chris l 5

2006-07-05 12:58:58 · 15 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

depends on u ppl...tell me what to do?tv or internet?i got no much choices right now...its late here!

2006-07-05 12:43:05 · 14 answers · asked by xx_dragonz_xx 3

atenyirudooi, it's three words

2006-07-05 12:37:56 · 18 answers · asked by Manga freak 101 2

A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"

2006-07-05 12:37:53 · 11 answers · asked by Sisi 2

Rising above the shimmering canal. It has such lovely shops. All the people speaking italian. Looking at its pure marble structure. To be there again. Out at night at the sinking city.

2006-07-05 12:31:00 · 9 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
She is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What the heck is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my anus coming into work today.

2006-07-05 12:24:17 · 5 answers · asked by Kooties 5

brown...what am I ??

2006-07-05 12:11:01 · 19 answers · asked by Free & Sassy 4

If a man says something in the middle of the woods and there are no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

2006-07-05 12:10:44 · 14 answers · asked by scratchwhiplash 5

SYMPTOM: everyone looks up to you and smiles
FAULT: you are dancing on the table
ACTION: fall on someone cushy look

SYMPTOM: beer is crystal clear
FAULT: its water. someone is trying to sober you up
ACTION: attack

SYMPTOM: hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
FAULT: you have been in a fight
ACTION: apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them

SYMPTOM: dont recognize anyone, dont recognize the room your in
FAULT: youve wanderd into the wrong party
ACTION: see if thry have free beer

SYMPTOM: your singing sounds distorted
FAULT: the beer is to weak
ACTION: have more beer until your voice improves

SYMPTOM: dont remember the words to the song
FAULT: beer is just right
ACTION: play air guitar

2006-07-05 12:07:59 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous