Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

1.Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hookup" and "break up".
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@#! kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15.When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh **** what the hell happened!"
Enjoy!!

2006-07-05 09:32:52 · 50 answers · asked by newburg_2_fine 3

i put it on the special setting.... whats with that?

I mean what is "special" about it.

he looks drunk to me but I guess he looks like he could be on the short bus too

2006-07-05 09:32:27 · 19 answers · asked by tybardy 4

2006-07-05 09:31:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 09:30:58 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 09:30:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What day?
up for a challenge? What day of the week?

2006-07-05 09:24:26 · 22 answers · asked by steponme 2

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

2006-07-05 09:20:22 · 12 answers · asked by tybardy 4

Name the actor who played the title role in the Predator movies, and which other role is he famous for?

2006-07-05 09:13:49 · 14 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

2006-07-05 09:09:47 · 11 answers · asked by TRASHBURYTO 2

http://www.learnenglish.org.uk/games/magic-gopher-central.swf

It's driving me crazy! There has to be some trick. Please let me know!

2006-07-05 08:53:11 · 14 answers · asked by Ralley 4

guess how old i am or the year i was born and get 10 pts!!!!!!!!
guess my real name and someone gets 10 pts.

my name starts with a K.

2006-07-05 08:53:09 · 12 answers · asked by Lexy 2

besides being 100 years apart

1001
1111
1221
1331
1441
1551
1661
1771
1881
1991

2006-07-05 08:44:36 · 14 answers · asked by ♥*~me~*♥ 3

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.

9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

6. You can focus better with one eye closed.

5. You fall off the floor.

5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.

4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.

3. Roseanne looks good.

2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.

2006-07-05 08:39:50 · 12 answers · asked by tybardy 4

2006-07-05 08:39:09 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

What word is heavy spelled backwards but not spelled forwards?

2006-07-05 08:21:25 · 11 answers · asked by Kiki 1

In one word! do you like my question? :D

2006-07-05 08:19:58 · 24 answers · asked by Laith Attar 2

Take 1,000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1,000. Now add 30. And another 1,000. Now add 20. Now add another 1,000. Now add 10. What's the total?

2006-07-05 08:18:38 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

8+8=91

2006-07-05 08:13:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find the six-digit number in which the first digit is one-half the third and one-fourth the second. The sum of the first and third digits equals the last digit, and the fourth digit is one-half the last and one-third the fifth. The sum of all six-digits is 32.

What are the six-digits to this puzzle?

The person with the most numbers right, or all the numbers right gets the 10 pts. so good luck!

2006-07-05 08:07:31 · 10 answers · asked by CTargrl 5

The question is... "What's the difference between fire and Kevin Federline?" LOL

2006-07-05 07:57:53 · 28 answers · asked by Tiff 2

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every
>> night after dinner,
>> Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the center to
>> sit and ponder his
>> Accomplishments and long life.
>>
>> One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.
>> They begin to chat,
>> And before they know it, several hours have passed.
>> After a short lull in
>> Their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks,
>> "Do you know what I
>> Miss most of all?"
>>
>> She asks, "What?"......
>> SEX!!" he replies.
>>
>> Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get
>> it up if I held a
>> Gun To your head!"
>>
>> "I know, "
>>
>> Harold says, "but it would be nice if a
>> woman could just hold
>> It For a while."
>>
>> "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, and then unzips
>> his trousers, removes
>> His manhood and proceeds to hold it.
>>
>> Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in
>> the garden where they
>> Would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's
>> manhood.
>>
>> Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual
>> meeting place.
>> Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure
>> he was O.K.
>>
>> She walked around the senior citizen home where she
>> found him sitting by
>> The pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was
>> holding Harold's
>> Manhood!
>>
>> Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What
>> does Ethel have that
>> I Don't have?"
>>
>> Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's".
>>

2006-07-05 07:48:06 · 10 answers · asked by ticklefoot 4

funniest one wins

2006-07-05 07:43:49 · 25 answers · asked by sheena 1

2006-07-05 07:43:16 · 14 answers · asked by twinklee_x3 3

Whoever gets it right first I will chose for best answer.

It starts with a D.
I will say when someone gets it right
Good Luck and Hurry!!!!!!

2006-07-05 07:39:47 · 18 answers · asked by sheena 1

Yo mama so ugly Ted Danson wouldn't date her

2006-07-05 07:36:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

2006-07-05 07:29:17 · 21 answers · asked by nedoglover 4

clues loris had super streght peter had the the power trasform to any thing megan grows long nails brain has fast speed and stewie can move without toughin it

2006-07-05 07:21:39 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 07:20:41 · 9 answers · asked by gboyega.kuku 1

I am sooooo bored and i am wondering if i should play the sims 2 right now or not...... hmmmmmmm

2006-07-05 07:10:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 07:03:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous