Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

tell me what youd do if you knew you were going to meet Osama Bin Laden after 24 hours (and he doesnt know about it)

2006-07-04 22:16:10 · 21 answers · asked by rydhel1016 3

2006-07-04 22:07:36 · 22 answers · asked by simon 1

2006-07-04 22:03:39 · 10 answers · asked by kramned 2

should I buy one?

2006-07-04 22:01:04 · 15 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Six sets of twins are born at the same hospital in 32 hours.

2006-07-04 21:38:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

and the elevator stops on the 4th and who is on the other side? you got it ( fat ***! ) you can see the look of horror on eveyones face! when he steps on the elevator it even shakes! you start asking eveyone what there weight is! *( how much you weigh?) how much you weigh lady! and now is not the time to be lieing about your weight!) And to make it worse! people are still trying to follow the fat *** on the elevator! and your like hey hey hey! i know the elevator says 10 people or 1700 lbs but, pay close attention! we have a mathamatical delima! for you all who remember your algibra! we do not know the value of X

2006-07-04 21:33:11 · 15 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

...to get 10 stupid points?

2006-07-04 21:26:48 · 16 answers · asked by submersible 2

example: If I was a fly, I'd be all over you 'cause you're the ****!

2006-07-04 21:24:12 · 18 answers · asked by someone in the world 4

2006-07-04 21:22:48 · 21 answers · asked by kramned 2

A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away.
Two hundred yards further on he's stopped by a police officer.

Officer: "Good evening sir.

We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?".

Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that.

I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air".

Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test".

Man: "I can't do that. I have anaemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death".

Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line".

Man: "Can't do that either". Officer: "Why not?".

Man: "Because I'm dead drunk".
♥

2006-07-04 21:15:27 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

why do parents let there kid go to michel jacksons house? i wont even let my kids go to church

2006-07-04 21:12:52 · 16 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

A girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

“What is it, child?”

“Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.”

The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, “My dear, I have good news. That isn’t a sin… it’s simply a mistake.”

2006-07-04 21:02:37 · 16 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?


since most of you are complaining about these not being questions even though they're in JOKES and riddles i have a question that you can now answer

♥

2006-07-04 20:59:07 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

there are 3 teams in the nba that the name of the team dont end with s what are the teams?

2006-07-04 20:54:24 · 4 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

"Think of words ending in -GRY. Angry and hungry are two of them. There are only three words in the English language. What is the third word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have listened carefully, I have already told you what it is."


This is one of the hardest riddles known to man. Don't let yourself be distacted by the fillers. First one with a correct answer gets 10 points.

2006-07-04 20:46:17 · 12 answers · asked by Emily 2

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.


♥

2006-07-04 20:45:53 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

The Woman's Guide to What the Man is Really Saying. "I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call you sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then we can get down to business.

2006-07-04 20:42:09 · 8 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

The Men's Guide to what the Woman really mean

You want = You want

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarassed

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

2006-07-04 20:39:59 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

fill up the blank

2006-07-04 20:31:32 · 16 answers · asked by rock_hard 2

Paddy and his two friends are talking at work.
His first friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.

The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says:"I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber! The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says:"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."
Both his friendds looked at him with utter disbelief.

"No I'm serious!

The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

ha that just cracks me up! lol ♥

2006-07-04 20:28:46 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

"I live in water, if u cut my head i am at ur door, if u cut my tail i am a fruit, if u cut both then i m with u......"

i m waiting of ur ans.

2006-07-04 20:16:00 · 10 answers · asked by hot l 2

2006-07-04 19:55:54 · 17 answers · asked by CYNDIITA 3

2006-07-04 19:49:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

He goes to a retirment home and gathers a few couples. He starts asking them questions about their marrage. He asks how many fights have you had. First couple says once a week, 2sd couple says twice a week, 3rd couple says none. Hes amazed by their ansewer. So he asks the old man how did they manage that? The old man says, On our honeymoon we took a trip to the Grand Canyon and went on a mule ride. Going down the trail my wifes clumsey mule trips and dropped her. She got up and dusted off, then looked at the mule and said thats one. Later on, the mule trips again, again she dusted off looked at the mule and said that's 2. Went on with the ride and not far away the mule tripped again. This time she got up looked at the mule said that's 3. Reach into her backpack pulled out a gun and shot the mule dead.
I then ask her why she did that??

Then she looked at me and said that's 1.

2006-07-04 19:46:43 · 7 answers · asked by CYNDIITA 3

Last time, we had this riddle:

What has four legs and a tail and goes tick-tock?
A. a watchdog!

Heheh. ok. Time for today's riddle:

What do you call a pastor in Germany?

Have fun!

2006-07-04 19:33:47 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

this blonde walks into a job interview and the guy that is giving the interview is like OH crap another blonde! so befor she can say anything the guy says wait! ill give you the job if you can answer one question! she says ok. he asks her ( how many d's are there in rudoulf the red nose raindeer?) she thinks for a sec and askes that man if she can have some more time to think about it! he says thats fine just come back when you got the answer!
The next day the blonde comes back as happy as she can be saying (i got the answer! i got the answer!) he says ok lets hear it! she says 1,548! hes in total awe.... how the hell did you get that answer? she says you know d d d d d dd ddddd dd!

2006-07-04 18:58:30 · 13 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-07-04 18:49:32 · 5 answers · asked by ? 2

A girl is pulled over and she doesn't know what to do. She begins to flirt with the cop and asks, will you take me to your policeman ball. The cop replies, "Mam, I am a state trooper, not a policeman. State troopers don't have balls."

What happened?

2006-07-04 18:31:45 · 15 answers · asked by okronbon 3

peeps are what little baby chickens do, and what perverts do in the dark behind the bushes outside your bedroom window. Why not ppls instead. I mean it is even easier to type?

2006-07-04 18:08:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

heaaay!

2006-07-04 17:50:57 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous