Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Two fleas stand on the same curb every single
day, and each day they see the same woman walking
her dog. One day the two fleas decide to make a
bet.

One flea would jump on the woman, and the other
would jump on the dog. They would stay there for
a week and after that time would meet back on
their curb to tell about their experiences.

A week goes by and the flea that jumped on the
dog returned to the curb to meet his buddy. The
other flea never showed up. Days went by before
the other flea came back. The first flea asked
his buddy what had happened. The second flea
replied, "I jumped on the woman and found a warm
hairy spot. The next minute, I'm in some
trucker's mustache on my way to Cleveland."

2006-07-05 18:37:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

what would you do??

2006-07-05 18:30:59 · 40 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless
it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big
Army car came up with a general seated in the
back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler"

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got
to have a sticker on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come
through. I have orders to shoot if you try
driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive
on!"

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said,
"General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the
the driver?"

2006-07-05 18:26:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 18:16:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a Lhaso Apso, I was thinking that would make a cool hybrid.
I just don't want to mess up my dog.
Suggestions?

2006-07-05 18:16:00 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

How will I become NORMAL again ????
This horn hurt when i go to Sleep !!!
And my tail gets stuck in the door sometimes...... :-(( !!!
What should i do ???

2006-07-05 18:12:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

2006-07-05 18:12:11 · 13 answers · asked by LiN 6

i couldn't find him anywhere
http://www.superlaughecards.com/1/waldo.htm

2006-07-05 18:08:05 · 6 answers · asked by bobby 3

2006-07-05 17:50:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

best answer gets 10 points......

I run, but I never walk. I have a mouth but I never talk. I have a bed, but I never lie. What am I?

2006-07-05 17:39:31 · 17 answers · asked by valerieishere2004 2

whoever gives me the best answer wins 10 points

2006-07-05 17:31:48 · 12 answers · asked by valerieishere2004 2

that i found people that look like the hills have eyes people and i captured them for breeding purposes and are shipping them off across the globe as pets to own.

2006-07-05 17:21:18 · 17 answers · asked by MEGAN THE PLAYFUL SPIRIT 3

become NORMAL again ????
This horn hurt when i go to Sleep !!!
And my tail gets stuck in the door sometimes...... :-(( !!!
What should i do ???

2006-07-05 17:21:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 17:20:57 · 8 answers · asked by chdman 3

Say this out loud and a bit fast... make sure no kids are in room!!
someone did this to me and I laughed my butt off!!!

WE TODD DID
SOFA KING WE TODD DID

hehe hahaha hope this made you laugh....have a good one

2006-07-05 17:13:23 · 11 answers · asked by mermaideelou 2

Take a two-digit number. Square it. Reverse the three (distinct) digits of its square. Take the square root. Reverse the two digits of that number, and you have the original two-digit number. What is that number?

2006-07-05 17:02:54 · 11 answers · asked by ThatshowIroll! 2

just wondering

2006-07-05 17:02:25 · 7 answers · asked by queen2b113 1

dEaR yAh00,
i hAvE KiDnAppEd ThE yAmster @nd i aM hOldIng It hOsTage UnTilL y0u GivE Me 1o,0o0 p0iNts.

U kN0W wH0

2006-07-05 17:00:27 · 14 answers · asked by opjames 4

2006-07-05 16:56:27 · 18 answers · asked by queen2b113 1

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a
nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She
motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any
moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

2006-07-05 16:53:17 · 12 answers · asked by mark s 1

I am thinking poison arrow frogs.
They sound nasty. Apparently they are called poison arrow frogs because they are poison, not because they look like arrows.

2006-07-05 16:50:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 16:40:31 · 11 answers · asked by Marky-Mark! 5

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

2006-07-05 16:34:55 · 8 answers · asked by DILMA F 1

and after you answer the question above, tell me another 4 steps how to put a cow in a fridge?

2006-07-05 16:13:11 · 15 answers · asked by golituk 3

2006-07-05 16:12:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 16:09:06 · 8 answers · asked by ♥michele♥ 7

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?

2006-07-05 16:04:24 · 14 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

1 bicycles dont work late
2 your bicycle stays as clean as you want it to
3 bicycles dont have parents
4 bicycles dont get sick
5 bicycles dont get overweight except as per you convienence
6 you can check out the guy who works on your bicycle
7 your bicycle always has time for you
8 bicycles dont complain and dont ride away from you when the road gets tough
9 bicycles dont watch tv
10 bicycles dont shave
11 bicycles dont snore
12 bicycles are better protection in a bad neighborhood
13 if you dont like the size of you bicycle you can get a new 1
14 bicycles dont leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom
15 you can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated
16 you parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it
17 bicycles dont get headaches
18 bicycles dont insult you if your a bad rider
19.your bicycle never wants a night out with the other bicycles
20 bicycles dont care if your late

2006-07-05 16:01:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-05 15:58:04 · 10 answers · asked by sexy luv 1

For example, the word Quail starts with Q but follows a u. Im looking for a word that starts with a Q but a u does not follow the Q.

2006-07-05 15:53:46 · 18 answers · asked by Tony T 2