Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

i have this dog and i asked him this..................................................
Hey Skooter whats on the other side of that tree his answer-Bark
hey skooter whats the house have -roof

2006-07-06 16:50:36 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her

2006-07-06 16:43:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Professor in college was lecturing on the awesomeness of God. He used the book of Genesis as his text. He said, You will note that all things God created was good, but when it came to man, He said it was very good. He further stated that God created man first, because man is superior to everything. A young lady raised her hand and asked, Isn't it true that Adam was just the rough draft?

2006-07-06 16:42:11 · 17 answers · asked by Wise ol' owl 6

In a bathtub, the warm water tap can fill the bath tub in 8 minutes. The cold water can fill it in 6 minutes. The drain can empty it in 4 minutes. Both taps are fully open and so is the drain. Can the tub be filled? And in that case, how long will it take?

2006-07-06 16:34:27 · 18 answers · asked by tybardy 4

God asked Adam, why he was bummed out. Adam said, he was lonely. God said, I'll make you a wife. She'll worship you, cook, clean, and satisfy you in every conceivable way. She'll never interrupt you watching sports, and will be satisfied with the first answer you give her always. Adam asked,"How much would this cost?" God said, an arm and a leg. Adam said, "what can I get for a rib?" and the rest is history.

2006-07-06 16:33:29 · 21 answers · asked by Wise ol' owl 6

show up naked, with beer

2006-07-06 16:20:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

half of the plane in one state and half the plane in the other state, half the seats in one state and half the seats in another state, the pilot in one state and the co-pilot in another state. If this happened where would you bury the survivors?????

2006-07-06 16:19:32 · 15 answers · asked by rhutson 4

2006-07-06 16:18:04 · 20 answers · asked by rydhel1016 3

I believe it was the egg. Because what ever laid the first chicken egg was not yet a chicken, but what hatched from the egg was what we now know as a chicken. Evolution. I don't want someone to agree with me I'll give 10 to the best arguement for the chicken.

2006-07-06 16:16:37 · 11 answers · asked by Fly 3

2006-07-06 16:13:01 · 8 answers · asked by upallnight 4

2006-07-06 16:12:21 · 20 answers · asked by tatortot 2

Where's Waldo?

2006-07-06 16:12:05 · 15 answers · asked by Grand Master Funk 3

1. solar powerd flashlight
2. inflatable dart board
3. sliding doors on a submarine
4. reusable condoms
5. dehydrated water
6. pet rocks
7. plastic firewood
8. soleless shoes
9. a book on how to read
10. a flammable fire extinguisher
11. a glass baseball bat
12. wooden soap
13. plasticine wire cutters
14. a water proof tea bag
15. revolving basement restaurant

2006-07-06 16:09:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am thinking this could be a pretty lucrative endeavour if I play my cards right. I also believe I can harvest the seals more cost effectively then the dudes who do it with clubs.

2006-07-06 16:04:28 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 .What is it that is deaf, dumb and blind and always tells the truth?

2. a man is driving around a one mile course. he did his first lap at 30 miles per hour, how fast will he have to go the second lap to make it in two minutes?

4.robin hood is finally caught by the sherrif and he is sentenced to death. But because the sheriff is such a nice guy, he says "I will give you one last statement to the people just before you are to die, you can say whatever you want, but is whatever you say is a lie than you will die by beheading, and if whatever you say is a true statement, than you will die by bow and arrow." The next day, robin hood said something to the people that made it imposible for the sherif to kill him

2006-07-06 16:03:09 · 7 answers · asked by tybardy 4

The first jumps up on the barstool and says "got corn?"
the bartenders says . "we're a bar.. we don't have any corn."
The second jumps up on the barstool and says "got corn?"
the bartender says "look you just heard me tell your friend we dont have any. what is this a joke?"
The third one jumps up on the stool and the bartender interrupts him. "If you ask me 'got corn' I'll nail your beak to the bar"
the third duck says "got nails?"
bartender gets a funny look and says "no"
the duck says "got corn?"

2006-07-06 16:02:54 · 19 answers · asked by gorg515 3

1 a successful man is 1 who makes more money then his wife can spend a successful women is 1 who can find such man
2 marriage is a 3 ring circus engagement ring wedding ring suffering
3 my girlfriend told me i should be more affectionate so i got 2 girlfriends
4 a man meets a genie the genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother in law gets double the man thinks for a moment then says ok give me a million dollars and beat me half to death
5 men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry
6 how do most men define marriage a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free
7 a little boy asked his father daddy how much does it cost to get married and the father replied i dont know son, im still paying for it
8 a man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wfie did
9 love is blind but marriage is an eye opener

2006-07-06 15:54:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Professor Kennelsworth

2006-07-06 15:50:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

This will explain it

http://comics.com/wash/opus/archive/opus-20060611.html

2006-07-06 15:45:30 · 14 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

what is brown

has a head

has a tail

and has no legs

2006-07-06 15:43:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-06 15:42:22 · 8 answers · asked by Evan 1

a guy aka MIDGET lives in a 10 story building, on the 10TH FLOOR.
when its SUNNY, he just rides the elevator ALL THE WAY UP. when its a RAINY day, he with his umbrella has to ride the elevator to the the 5th floor, then stops, and then just runs all the way to the 10th floor, not straight with the elevator.
WHY????

1st one gets 10 pts!!!!!

2006-07-06 15:41:49 · 12 answers · asked by ♥~HEARTs~♥ 2

1. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to begin with?
2. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
3. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
4. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
5. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
6. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
7. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
8. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

2006-07-06 15:41:27 · 7 answers · asked by stephie541 3

1. well, this day was a total waste of makeup
2. a hard on doesnt count as personal growth
3. i started out with nothing and still have most of it left
4. you! off my planet!
5. if i want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet, ill put shoes on my cat
6. the bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat
7. did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
8. sarcasm id just 1 more service we offer
9. whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed
10. suburbia: where they tear out all the treesand then name the streets after them
11. im not your type. im not inflatable
12. can i trade this job for whatevers behind door number 2?
13. nice perfume. must you marinate in it?
14. to many freaks, not enough circuses
15. i thought i wanted a career. turns out i just wanted pay checks
16. how do i set the laser printer to stun?
17. it isnt the size, its the... no, its the size

2006-07-06 15:38:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

First you boil it, then cool it.
Next you sweentened it, then sour it.

2006-07-06 15:26:36 · 25 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

ok so theres a newlywed couple who just got married. the husband alone goes to the airport to buy two tickets for their vacation to EUROPE. he buys one round trip for himself, but only a one-way for his wife. (by the way the wife is reli rich) the airport man is confused, but says "allrite"
LATER
at their 5th story hotel, the couple is eating at the 1st floor for dinner. she says "i'll be right back..i'm going to the restroom" so she goes on the elevator and goes up to the 5th floor. but when she goes to the restroom, nearby, theres a balcony. she goes outside and says "wow.. wat a nice view.." and admires it for a second rite b4 a guy wit a black suit cums and pushes her off. now shes dead.
THEN
back in the U.S. where they live, a man wakes up and reads the newspaper. the title says "a woman suicides while on a a honeymoon" but he says to himself "NO..IT CANT BE A SUICIDE. ITS A MURDER!"

my two questions are:
1.) who is the guy reading the newspaper?
2.) how does he know?

2006-07-06 15:24:30 · 33 answers · asked by ♥~HEARTs~♥ 2

2006-07-06 15:22:57 · 16 answers · asked by briley4242 3

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

2006-07-06 15:20:02 · 7 answers · asked by ouwx104 3

ha ha ha.

2006-07-06 15:11:29 · 6 answers · asked by baddog 4

first right answer will get 10 pionts

2006-07-06 14:55:41 · 25 answers · asked by KITTY 2