Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and no shirt while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants?
and
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

2006-07-06 14:55:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

he must pay to get to town, the 1st toll he explains he has no money, so in order to pay the toll he gives 1/2 the eggs he has + 1/2 an egg. he comes to the 2nd toll, he explains he has no $. He gives 1/2 of what he has + 1/2 an egg. He goes through the toll @ the next toll he says he has no $, he gives 1/2 of what he had + another 1/2 an egg & goes through the toll...he gets into town and has no eggs...how many eggs did he start with ???

2006-07-06 14:48:50 · 15 answers · asked by briley4242 3

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Dont move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend youre a statue."

"Whats this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

2006-07-06 14:46:40 · 18 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

A penguin was having car trouble. So he dropped it off at the shop, and had an ice cream while he waited. The mechanic comes out and says " it looks like you blew a seal "... and the penguin replies " NO DUDE ... I was just eating an ice cream "

2006-07-06 14:34:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-06 14:28:48 · 17 answers · asked by knhjlhbms 1

tahw eht kcuf era ouy gniod !!?!!

2006-07-06 14:27:26 · 32 answers · asked by briley4242 3

An Aussie was sitting at a bar in Sydney when
this huge, burly
>American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the

>neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,"That's
a
>karate chop from Korea."

>Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his

>beer.
>
>The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks

>by the Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks

>him to the floor. "That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.

>
>The Aussie decides he's had enough and leaves. A half hour later he

>comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard sitting at the bar. He

>walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking him out.

>
>The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell
him
>that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."

2006-07-06 14:25:27 · 15 answers · asked by mark s 1

whoever gets this firts will get 10 points dont ruin it if youve heard it before ill give you hints later if u need the
heres the riddle
one day your walking along and you decide to go into a hotel when you go inside you have to give the guy all yur money and u have no choice what happened you can ask me yes or no questions but thats all
GOOD LUCK

2006-07-06 14:22:48 · 12 answers · asked by anichols888 2

§êX Is funny
>>
>>You should have SEX on days that begin with T:
>>
>>Thanksgiving,
>>
>>Tuesday,
>>
>>Thursday,
>>
>>Today,
>>
>>Tomorrow,
>>
>>Thaturday?
>>
>>Thunday?
>>
>>Every Thucking day!
>>
>>
>>
>>Sex is:
>>
>>like Nokia (connecting people)
>>
>>like Nike (Just do it)
>>
>>like Pepsi (ask for more)
>>
>>like Coca Cola (Enjoy)
>>
>>like me (too good to be true)
>>
>>
>>
>>Send this message to 5 friends or you will have 5 years of bad sex!
>>
>>
>>
>>Top 10 Places to have sex:
>>
>>In your bed
>>
>>In your parents bed
>>
>>In a car
>>
>>On a washing machine, while running
>>
>>In a hot tub
>>
>>On a beach, down in the sand
>>
>>On a comfy couch with the TV on
>>
>>On a waterbed
>>
>>A plane bathroom
>>
>>In the rain
>>
>>
>>
>>Top 10 Places NOT to have sex:
>>In the movies
>>
>>In a car... WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!
>>
>>In front of all of your friends
>>
>>In a phonebooth
>>
>>In your best friend's bed
>>
>>At Grandma's house
>>
>>At school
>>
>>In your dirty basement
>>
>>In the street
>>
>>ON-LINE
>>
>>
>>
>>Top three things to say before having sex:
>>
>>I love you (but only if you mean it)
>>
>>Rock my world
>>
>>Let's get ready to RUMBLE...
>>
>>
>>
>>Top three things NOT to say before having sex:
>>
>>Is this gunna hurt?
>>
>>Sure....I've done this thousands of times...
>>
>>Are you sure it's on there?
>>
>>
>>
>>Top 3 things to say after sex:
>>
>>Are you sure this was you're first time?
>>
>>Gotta cigarette?
>>
>>Wanna do it again?
>>
>>
>>
>>Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
>>
>>That was IT??
>>
>>I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
>>
>>OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!

2006-07-06 14:21:32 · 14 answers · asked by mark s 1

2006-07-06 14:21:18 · 5 answers · asked by MzzChaos 2

Did I ever pay you back you back that 20 bucks I borrowed?.......... 2 points y'all, have fun

2006-07-06 14:11:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room
for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the
channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then
there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then
there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

2006-07-06 14:09:11 · 15 answers · asked by mark s 1

There are two pictures identical to each other; you have to find three differences. If you can find three differences, then you are part of an elite group of individuals. This has been tested on many people, and hardly anyone found the three differences. I can only manage to find 2. Let me know if you find all three. The third must be impossible to find. Click on the link below to see the two pictures.

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf

2006-07-06 14:01:45 · 23 answers · asked by adkfoaiefnafedw 4

what does the other olive say?

2006-07-06 14:00:55 · 16 answers · asked by . 3

what will a weeble do

2006-07-06 14:00:28 · 11 answers · asked by Charles W 6

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2..00
apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? What is Evian spelled
backwards? NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

2006-07-06 13:48:52 · 21 answers · asked by stephie541 3

what am i? i travel many miles in a lifetime,i live in holes. i am 3 to four feet long.
(hint: )not a snake

2006-07-06 13:48:36 · 16 answers · asked by tommyaux1 1

i go poo poo for cocoa puffs yipppppeeeee!!!!



do you like them???..i do........can you say nay??? i say nay all the time...nay!!!!
ewwwwoahhh!!!!

i like to smear the puffs all over my face yum!!!

i love cocoa puffs...even though...i like to eat them rough...
we all can eat them..it just matters how we treat them
put them in your mouth with butter....
then you swallow them from one to the other
dont eat them too fast
cause you need to make it last
dont choke when your eating them
because my name is tiny tim
i like to put them in my pants
so cocoa puffs can spend time with the ants

2006-07-06 13:42:40 · 9 answers · asked by RabbitHellFoxHeaven 2

what is a 3 syllabe word with 26 letters in it

2006-07-06 13:37:16 · 14 answers · asked by kainsclouds 1

a man turns right and takes 10 steps 3 times then ends up in the place he started. what colour was the bear that ate him

2006-07-06 13:31:49 · 24 answers · asked by kainsclouds 1

2006-07-06 13:27:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

it has four legs, two arms and a back.cant speak english.but may have some bark.

2006-07-06 13:25:58 · 42 answers · asked by tommyaux1 1

i heard this joke once and its cute and i think its funny. I know kind of how it goes but everytime i try to say it, it doesnt come out the way it is suppose to.

Me and the BF tell jokes (actually he tells the jokes) i really dont know any and this is my favorite, but everytime i try to say it he thinks i am a joke.
Please help...
the closest to what i think it is will get a 10

2006-07-06 13:25:20 · 4 answers · asked by Yonna1 2

2006-07-06 13:25:15 · 4 answers · asked by . 3

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee,
And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation! , but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that? The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

2006-07-06 13:17:55 · 9 answers · asked by stephie541 3

2006-07-06 13:01:33 · 20 answers · asked by coleb1106 1

2006-07-06 12:56:05 · 32 answers · asked by bad dog 1

What is a word in the english language that has 3 double letters in a row? example QQWWEE

2006-07-06 12:54:55 · 6 answers · asked by jack 2

i read it on a shirt:

"there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who dont"

2006-07-06 12:54:38 · 22 answers · asked by RANDY 1

wut u got
hit me with your best shot

2006-07-06 12:35:32 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous