Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

a man walks into the bar and sees a sign, the sign says "make my horse laugh and you will get all the money in the bucket (plce a dollar in bucket to try) the man puts in a dollar and goes into the back room. he walks out with the horse laughing. the bartender says good job.

the next day the guy goes again. "make the horse cry and get all the money" the guy pays a dollar and goes to the back room, he walks out with the horse crying.

the tender says "what did you do?"

man: "first i told the horse my penis was bigger then his, then i proved it"

2006-07-09 18:14:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Should I consult an ophthalmologist for spectacles?

2006-07-09 18:12:45 · 18 answers · asked by 007james bond 3

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"

He answered no to the question.

The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "why?" Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it "Never got caught."

2006-07-09 18:12:44 · 8 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Your mother's brother's brother-in-law gives you a gift. You have no aunts.

:)

2006-07-09 18:02:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-09 17:59:13 · 15 answers · asked by Chris=Guitar 2

2006-07-09 17:55:37 · 16 answers · asked by justine d 2

Teacher: Can u tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy

Student: They were four best friends

Teacher: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-09 17:49:38 · 7 answers · asked by remo_vr 1

2006-07-09 17:41:17 · 8 answers · asked by 5375 4

i guess ill start.

a man out golfing tees up for the first hole.
just has he's about to swing a funeral procession drives by.
the man lowers his club,takes off his hat, and respectively bows his head.after the procession drives by the man tees up and hits the ball.
his caddy, overcome by the gesture, says"wow, that has to be one of the most respectfull things ive ever seen". the man turns and says" damb right, i was married to her twenty years".

bad. i know

2006-07-09 17:36:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

condition is...... the horse which comes second wins the race...

the horse owners can ride the horses.....
what will u do

2006-07-09 17:07:37 · 10 answers · asked by dancingdoll 3

u get ten points for the correct answer

2006-07-09 17:01:54 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is an actual, CURRENT auction on eBay (bidding will go on for another week). I don't think it's intended as a hoax, or a joke, because the "Seller" has apparently been on eBay for a long time.

http://cgi.ebay.com/A-WELL_W0QQitemZ260006390367

2006-07-09 16:58:24 · 18 answers · asked by jvsconsulting 4

Thanks to BABy who sent this to me...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the
woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a
trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will
grant you three wishes.

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be
the most beautiful woman in the world."

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.

2006-07-09 16:36:57 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

2006-07-09 16:16:00 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

1. both give pleasure when hot.
2. both r tasteless without milk.
3. both r enjoyed mostly on bed...

do u have any more or some kinda joke post it....

2006-07-09 16:09:32 · 14 answers · asked by dancingdoll 3

2006-07-09 16:03:09 · 7 answers · asked by luqman_hakim 3

This may sound corny but it is ten points for the first correct answer!!!

2006-07-09 16:01:52 · 23 answers · asked by Ajam 2

2006-07-09 15:49:39 · 16 answers · asked by Parker M 3

2006-07-09 15:45:20 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

"What's wrong honey?"

"Mommy, where's my booger?"

2006-07-09 15:39:16 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-09 15:30:54 · 19 answers · asked by Parker M 3

no kinky stuff

2006-07-09 15:29:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sorry (blonds) you can put any color here. It was just how it came to me.

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman,
"I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink
curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be
having a hard time choosing. Finally, she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, "fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room
are they for?"

The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her
computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need
curtains!"

The blonde says, "Hellllooooooooo . I've got Windoooooows!"

2006-07-09 15:27:19 · 11 answers · asked by *** The Earth has Hadenough*** 7

THe 3 women got divorced from the same man.

2006-07-09 15:19:52 · 12 answers · asked by Phinoeas 2

best one wins 5 points

2006-07-09 15:04:53 · 21 answers · asked by patyrick140 2

2006-07-09 15:04:45 · 5 answers · asked by Birdy House 1

Can anyone come up with an ending for this joke that is actually funny?

2006-07-09 14:58:15 · 20 answers · asked by yourstupidityeludesme 3

1 y do we say something is out of wack what is a wack
2 do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoys adultry
3 if a pig loses his voice is it disgruntled
4 if love is blind y is lingerierie so popluar
5 why is the man who invests all ur money called a broker
6 why do croutons come in airtight packages its just stale bread 2 begin with
7 why r a wise man and a wise guy opposites
8 y do overlook and oversee mean opposite things
9 if horrific means 2 make horrible does terrific mean 2 make terrible
10 why is it that if some1 tells you that there r 1 billion stars in the universe u will believe them but if they tell u a wall has wet paint u have 2 touch it 2 b sure
11 a bus station is where a bus stops a train station is where a train stops on my desk i have a work station..
12 can atheists get insurance 4 acts of god
13 i believe 5 out of 4 ppl have trouble with fractions
14. how come u never hear about gruntled employees
15. how much faith does it take 2 b an atheist

2006-07-09 14:54:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-09 14:48:03 · 18 answers · asked by companykid101 2

each have nice asses,but one's *** is bigger and carries more latin meat.So what's on the menu: colombiana o boriqua

2006-07-09 14:41:08 · 13 answers · asked by Phinoeas 2