Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-09 21:56:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-09 21:55:31 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when
he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force
covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Mike, this
wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is," Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge
on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?"
demanded Mike.
"Well," mused Pat, "'tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Mike. "'Tis wise never to book a judge by
his cover."



hehe it made me chuckle a little lol ♥

2006-07-09 21:55:24 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-09 21:54:49 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-09 21:53:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-09 21:53:44 · 8 answers · asked by angeline428 1

2006-07-09 21:18:31 · 15 answers · asked by gracie 3

I also sent one to Polls and Surveys. Sorry about that.

2006-07-09 21:11:49 · 14 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

Can you rearrange the letters of 'NEW DOOR' to make one word?

2006-07-09 20:28:33 · 10 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

Round like an apple,
Deep like a cup.
All the king's men couldn't pull me up.

2006-07-09 20:23:47 · 15 answers · asked by lordessdanioz 3

say you found yourself in a deserted island and you had plenty of food to survive 10 years and were stuck with two people who would they be

2006-07-09 20:21:32 · 18 answers · asked by daniel.gzmn 2

Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California:
As Seen on TV

Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:
Without Atlanta we're Alabama

Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:
More Than Just Potatoes...
Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois:
Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:
Five Million People; Seven Last Names

Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos,
But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine:
We're Really Cold,
But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's

Michigan:
First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota:
10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada:
Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:
Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma:
Like the Play, only No Singing

Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:
We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina:
We Have Never Actually Surrendered to the North

South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee:
The Educashun State

Texas:
A Whole 'Nother Country!

Utah:
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont:
Yep

Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia:
One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin:
Come Cut Our Cheese

Wyoming:
Wynot?

2006-07-09 20:04:28 · 7 answers · asked by jet_tyrus 2

Because we're being ruled by a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin

2006-07-09 19:59:58 · 6 answers · asked by jet_tyrus 2

why was they only 2,000 Mexicans ant the Alamo?
they only took 2 wagons!

how do you babysit a a bunch of black kids?
tell them to lick their lips then stick them to a window!

what the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
when you put a pizza in the oven it don't scream!....< i guarantee someone will be pissed at that joke>

how many Iraqi's does it take to blow up a US tank?
10 but they all have to run at it at the same time!

what do you get when you put 25 Arkansans in the same room? A full set of teeth!

2006-07-09 19:52:36 · 18 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-07-09 19:51:04 · 13 answers · asked by golaicecream 2

Scientific studies have shown that there is a direct, positive correlation between foot size and performance in spelling bees.

(In other words, the bigger your feet, the better you can spell.)

Why is this?

2006-07-09 19:42:46 · 13 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

2006-07-09 19:39:55 · 12 answers · asked by jet_tyrus 2

2006-07-09 19:37:32 · 7 answers · asked by Nasir K 1

Previously, we saw this riddle:

If you call two a company and three a crowd, what would you call four and five?
A: 9!

Wow... that was bad. lol. Now for today's riddle:

Why are other streets and roads afraid of the bike trail?

lol.. good luck! :)

2006-07-09 19:31:01 · 4 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper. There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned."
The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.

2006-07-09 19:27:18 · 10 answers · asked by jet_tyrus 2

meaning you would have to eat....by jumping on the table --tail-in--first on the plate of food or whatever...

and you would have to use your mouth...well you know..

2006-07-09 18:50:42 · 27 answers · asked by POR-FRY-CHICKEN 3

Be creative!

2006-07-09 18:42:13 · 24 answers · asked by Mr. Woodchuck 2

2006-07-09 18:41:55 · 16 answers · asked by cameron_cozad 1

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".

God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"

"Who, the New Yorkers?".

"No, the Pearly Gates."

2006-07-09 18:41:02 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Patrick Fits Gerald and Gerald Fits Patrick?

2006-07-09 18:38:58 · 24 answers · asked by pookybunbuns 1

One is white, plastic & harmful to children, and the other is a plastic bag!

2006-07-09 18:35:50 · 10 answers · asked by catsup 4

once again i meanno offense to anyone, i make jokes about myself just as much as anyone else, i hope you all understand i just like to try and entertain people with jokes. sorry and thanks to all

hree men were on a roof, a black man ,a white man and a random priest from a church.

the priest and the white man are trying to get the black man to jump off.

white man: "come on you will float back up here if you jump"

black man: "well then you do it"

the white man runs and jumps off the 20 story building, 5 seconds later he floats back up onto the roof

white man: "just run and jumo and i will see you on your way up"

the black man runs as fast as he can and jumps off, he begins to scream before going splat

random man walking on the sidewalk :"d*amn it, there goes superman f*ing with the black men again.

2006-07-09 18:31:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding
down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your
heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,..."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and
said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."


yeah old but good lol

2006-07-09 18:27:46 · 20 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

please let it be heared that i mean no offense to anyone i look at everyone being the same

ok so three guys are fishing on a dock, a polish man, a white man and a black man.

the with man says he isnt having any luck and so decides to go to the other side, he does not want to go all the way around so he steps into the water notices he is floating and walks across.

the black man says, d*amn look at that, im gonna go to, i heard theres more fish over there. the black man crosses the lake.

the polish man shrugs his shoulders and follows. he takes about 4 steps before taking a plunge.

the white man says, well i guess we should of told him where the stepping stones are. i mean really does he think we can walk ON water??

2006-07-09 18:26:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 men walk into a bar ( tink tink)










dont you think one would of ducked?

2006-07-09 18:24:54 · 8 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2