Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-13 19:46:06 · 5 answers · asked by blinky472 2

Cathy Dearling, reporter for Channel 5, was doing a bit on the 7th annual Hike for a Cure through the Ozarks. She was found dead and face down on an obscure section of the trail. The coroner confirmed that the cause of death was due to the pack on her back. Can you figure why?

2006-07-13 19:35:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

why do ppl. associate Texans with redneck??? do u think this site is funny http://www.pappywishbone.com

2006-07-13 19:35:43 · 6 answers · asked by blinky472 2

Previously, we saw this following riddle:

What do you call a hen taking a long hot bath?
A: chicken soup!

Heheh.... That was a easy one too. Now try today's riddle:

What do you call when salt and pepper says hi to each other?

Enjoy!

2006-07-13 19:31:14 · 8 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

i have legs but i can't run.I have no wings,however i can fly.Even though i have a face,i have no eyes and ears.I have a mouth,yet i can't eat.What am i?

2006-07-13 19:23:45 · 19 answers · asked by ryn 2

Jimmy and Darlene were found dead by the police. They were together in a room both laying on their sides. When the police searched the incident scene, the only thing they could report was two dead bodies, a table with nothing on it, some broken glass on the floor, and the bodies surrounded by water (later confirmed by the lab). What happened here and why are Jimmy and Darlene such prime victims?

2006-07-13 19:18:16 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

ones with like stuff u can actually give someone, not a make-shift one...

2006-07-13 19:15:19 · 9 answers · asked by taquitoville 2

A guy comes up to a woman at the office and he
tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman
immediately goes to her supervisor to file a
sexual harassment suit. The supervisor says,
"What’s wrong with someone telling you that your
hair smells nice"? The woman replies, "he’s a
midget".

2006-07-13 19:11:26 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walked into a curio shop and began to
browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a
shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper
for a price, and was told to make an offer.

Presently they agreed on a price, and the brass
rat changed hands. The shopkeeper warned the
customer as he took the money, 'This sale is
final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat,
I won't take it back under any circumstances.'

The customer agreed and left with the rat. As he
walked home, he noticed that a live rat came
scurrying out of an alley and began to follow
him. Soon there were more, all following him and
milling bout his feet. The man began to run, but
the rats kept up, and more joined the procession.
After a few minutes, thousands of rats were
chasing after the man. The man ran frantically
for the river, and threw the brass rat into the
water. The live rats followed the brass rat, and
soon all had drowned. The man returned to the
curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the
shopkeeper shouted, 'I told you, the sale was
final! You cannot return the brass rat!'

The customer replied, 'That's no problem. I just
wondered if you had a brass lawyer in stock.'

2006-07-13 19:07:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I Know the answer but do you?

2006-07-13 19:04:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need help with a funny gift, so girl's please answer....
would u put 'bumper nuts' on ur truck if u have one?
would u think a 'redneck douche' is funny?
would u send poop to a friend as a gag gift, and how would u react upon recieving such a gift?
do girls like beer belts?
these products are on this website i found yesterday:
http://www.pappywishbone.com

2006-07-13 18:57:34 · 8 answers · asked by Francine S 1

=]

2006-07-13 18:51:10 · 10 answers · asked by d;lfkgmhklf,gh 4

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie... Poof. They are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

Sooooo, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room, stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." Poof. The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." Poof. The mirror swallows her.

Then, an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." Poof.

2006-07-13 18:50:53 · 21 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-07-13 18:47:45 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Check this one out and I assure that you'll be dying with laughter:
http://www.se7en-x.com/oops/index.htm

2006-07-13 18:47:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 18:36:00 · 5 answers · asked by LoVeLy 3

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

2006-07-13 18:28:37 · 17 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-07-13 18:18:33 · 11 answers · asked by vinish v 1

whats my middle name

2006-07-13 17:57:59 · 51 answers · asked by michael v 2

im sorry to all you blonds so dont answer to whine, ill report you for gaming points.

ill award best to the person with the best blonde joke,

also i got one right now so dont use it

A blind guy walks into a bar and shouts "HEY ANYBODY WANNA HEAR A DUMB BLONDE JOKE?"
The bartender stares at him funny and says

theres three reasons you dont wanna do that
reason 1- the guy next to you is the morrow county heveyweight champion and hes blonde
reason 2- jhonny the hitman just came in, he 'takes care' of peoples porblems...permanantly and hes blonde
reason 3- i got a twelve gage behind the counter, and im blonde
still wanna tell that joke?

the blind man looks around for a minute and says
"no,,, not if i have to explain it 3 times!"

yea its not the best so come up with better ones!

2006-07-13 17:50:14 · 13 answers · asked by victor obadiah 2

(Give reference. Hint: It says in ...)

2006-07-13 17:31:06 · 3 answers · asked by Luis 4

DOING WHAT THEY ARE TOLD

Three men who always stopped at their favorite bar after work were discussing their jobs and tying one on and getting rather smashed.
Suddenly one of the fellows looked at his watch and exclaimed, "Good God! It's nearly two o'clock, boy! Are we ever gonna' catch holy hell when we get home!"
Second guy says, "Shay, I got an idee...let's just agree with the broads in everything they shay, and (hic-cup,belch) we'll meet back here tomorrow night, God willing and the creek don't rise."
Next evening, they lucked out and met at the bar and were telling their experiences....

2006-07-13 17:26:36 · 4 answers · asked by pureessence 2

I'm a real comedian but am drying up on laughs...need lots more jokes and real fast. Don't care what type just need them fast! First person to make me want to wet myself from laughter wins the 10 points!

2006-07-13 17:19:56 · 10 answers · asked by charmzi_babe 1

I'm a real comedian but am drying up on laughs...need lots more jokes and real fast. Don't care what type just need them fast! First person to make me want to wet myself from laughter wins the 10 points!

2006-07-13 17:18:21 · 5 answers · asked by charmzi_babe 1

It was Mr. Ryan's funeral and the pallbearers were carrying the casket out from the church. When they bumped into a pillar, one of them heard a moan from inside the casket. They opened the casket and found that Mr. Ryan was still alive. god be praised. He lived for ten more years before he finally died. Another funeral was held for him and, as the pallbearers were carrying out the casket, Mrs. Ryan said, " Watch out for that pillar!"

2006-07-13 17:17:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

COSMETIC SURGERY
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

THE NEW EAR
A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Sweden, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, "Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel. The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and
yells, "You swine, you gave me a woman's ears!"
"Well, an ear is an ear. It makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong! I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!" screamed the man.

2006-07-13 17:17:38 · 8 answers · asked by pureessence 2

A blonde lady goes into an auto parts store and asks for a seven-ten cap.
All the clerks look at each other, and one says, "What's a seven-ten cap?"
She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost and I need a new one."
"What kind of a car is it on?" the clerk asked.
"My 1999 Chevrolet."
"Okay, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter.
Clerk asks, "What does it do?"
"I dont know, but its always been there."
By now, the manager has come over. He hands the lady a notepad and asks her to draw a picture of it. She carefully draws a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. In the center she writes "710."
The guys behind the counter, who are looking at the drawing upside down, can barely control their laughter as the boss walks to a shelf, grabs an OIL cap and puts in on the counter.
"That's it!" the lady says."How much?"
"It's on the house," the manager replied. "Please come back often. You were very entertaining!

2006-07-13 17:05:16 · 8 answers · asked by pureessence 2

Well, since missandiego gave me the idea. I wanna see if I can get 100 answers before she does! lol yeah i'm bored. so, the 100th person to answer gets the points!. Leave anything you wish. hating messages, loving messages, and lots and lots of jokes and riddles! :D don't forget to count off!

2006-07-13 16:59:33 · 13 answers · asked by lordessdanioz 3

2006-07-13 16:56:29 · 9 answers · asked by Tinker Bell 2

What is the best joke you know for the 10 points..

2006-07-13 16:52:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous