Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

http://youtube.com/watch?v=osXk3VE4808&search=scary%20commercial

Here ya go laugh and get scared again.........

2006-07-13 13:16:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

do you think i'm a boy or a girl?

( hint ) read my first name

this can be kind of tricky! good luck!

2006-07-13 12:48:30 · 29 answers · asked by Volleyball4life♥♫ 2

A running soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your habit for a few minutes. I'll explain why later." The nun agreed.

Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?" The nun replied, "He went that way." and pointed up one of the roads.

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her habit and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear." The soldier added, "And I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls . . . I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

2006-07-13 12:44:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. trust me

This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is a cat.
This is dumbass cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I betcha you can't resist passing it on!

2006-07-13 12:40:10 · 47 answers · asked by lisathebestone 4

ive got one here it is: What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the rich need it, the poor have it and if you eat it you die?

2006-07-13 12:33:26 · 17 answers · asked by Duality4:20 2

A good friend of mine set me up on a blind date with a girl he knows. "She’s very beautiful" he said & he gave me her address and phone number. So I call her and talk to and she sounds very cool; we had lots in common so I decided to go through with the date.

Well I drive up to her house (in a rich neighborhood) & knock on the door and her dad answers. He was very nice man he didn't even mind me taking out his daughter. We were talking outside for a moment till he said "Well I guess I should get Misty for you." and he went back inside. I waited outside for about 5 minutes, till much to my surprise the old man comes out carrying her in his arms because she had no legs! Well he hands her over to me and I seated her in my car and drove off.

Now my friend wasn’t lying, She was very beautiful and had a Playboy body...minus the legs. Well we went to get something to eat, and then I picked up a 12 pack and drove to this park.

(contd. below...)

2006-07-13 12:27:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

-john - adam - ian
-odge - joseph - alexander
-? - smith - fleming

the faster who get is the smartest

2006-07-13 12:20:48 · 14 answers · asked by amr_mohamedsaeed 2

Kemosabe Waters the Bushes

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger jad to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."
So Tonto rides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"

The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and make an x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck out the venim."

Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?"

Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says "Doctor say you gonna die!"

2006-07-13 12:05:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

.

what do osama bin laden and crabs have in common?


they both irritate bush... i think its wrong


BUSH is a great president...

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms.
He approached the man and asked reverently, "Aren't you Moses?"

But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, ''Aren't you Moses?''

The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me -- Aren't you Moses?"

The man replies, "I'm not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie.

The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

2006-07-13 11:59:03 · 13 answers · asked by T[]-[]E Wiggles 1

A man gets pulled over for going 80 in a 45 zone The officer comes to the window and says "do you realize how fast you were going"
"Yes" the man replies
"may I see your licence"
"well my licence was suspended after my third drunk driving conviction"
"Can I see your registration" the officer asks.
"Actually, it's not my car I car jacked it after I killed the owner and stuffed her body in the trunk"
"Sir please stay in the vehicle" the officer says and radios for backup Five minutes later a second officer arrives The second officer comes to the window and asks the man "can I see your licence"
"Of course" says the man as he pulls it from his wallet
"May I see your registration"
"Sure" the man says as he pulls it out of the glove box
"Can you please open the trunk"
"Absolutly" the man replies as he pops the trunk with no body in it
"Sir, my collegue said you were driving a stolen car with a body in the trunk and a suspended licence"
"Really? I bet the lying bastard said I was speeding too"

2006-07-13 11:44:10 · 4 answers · asked by Sam S 2

bible related jokes, any

2006-07-13 11:43:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A new doctor was doing his residency as an O.B./ G.Y.N
Being, new and young he was quite embarrassed performing female exams and had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly to cover his embarrassment.

One day a young lady upon whom he was performing this exam, suddenly burst out laughing which upset and further embarrassed the doctor.

Filled with embarrassed rage he snarled "Just what is so funny, ma’am?"

The patient, realizing she had upset him replied, "I'm sorry doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner'!"

2006-07-13 11:34:17 · 12 answers · asked by boter_99 3

someone told me this.....



"yeah i love black people...i had alot of black friends intill my dad sold them."



i know its racist but.. put it aside and please rate it?

2006-07-13 11:30:05 · 13 answers · asked by T[]-[]E Wiggles 1

There once was a man named bob. He said to jane what's the prob? She told him her man, had broken his hand, and couldn't please her and sobbed.

Bob told her everything was alright. He told her to come over tonight. She said okay, and he wisked her away, cuz he pleased her all night long!

moral?: there are always more fish in the sea.

2006-07-13 11:29:29 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

any kind

2006-07-13 11:17:31 · 9 answers · asked by STAN 3

2006-07-13 11:05:59 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

well you better go get it. hehehehhehehehehe

2006-07-13 11:04:29 · 16 answers · asked by CG G 2

2006-07-13 11:04:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

any thing is fine jokes, riddles , whatever
*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*

2006-07-13 11:03:52 · 13 answers · asked by Tinkerbell** 2

2006-07-13 10:48:32 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 10:31:13 · 36 answers · asked by The Kid 2

ok i know the answer but i can't remember it and its bugging me but i know i will recognize the answer if you have it

three guys went out to eat and the bill was $30 so they each payed $10. the waiter later realized that he had overcharged them $5 so he decided to keep $2 and gave $1 back to each guy. so when you add the $9 dollars each guy payed and the $2 the waiter kept the total is $29. where is the other dollar
no it wasn't tax or tip or anything like that.

2006-07-13 10:12:07 · 16 answers · asked by robot_17 3

the answer to this is stupid but since im bored i decided to post it any way

2006-07-13 10:12:00 · 8 answers · asked by on the last day 2

I got this riddle in my mailbox and I can't figure it out! Help me please! I can only think of one answer but I don't think you can die from it.

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

2006-07-13 10:10:48 · 19 answers · asked by 20mommy05 5

Q- asl plz
A- ?

The funniest and most imaginative one gets the coveted prize.

2006-07-13 10:08:42 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st one with correct answer gets best answer....

2006-07-13 09:45:52 · 18 answers · asked by amygirl9333 3

I doubt it. Let's hear your best zinger.

2006-07-13 09:45:04 · 5 answers · asked by edhollawood 2

If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody's around and it lands on a mime, does anyone care?

2006-07-13 09:42:52 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-13 09:42:19 · 54 answers · asked by Anthony M 1

i know the answer, do you?

I WILL NOT pick your answer if you say any bullcrap about evolution. The way I see it chickens started existing when we noticed they existed. thats the way i want you to think with this riddle.

2006-07-13 09:39:13 · 9 answers · asked by victor obadiah 2