any thing is fine jokes, riddles , whatever
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2006-07-13 11:03:52 · 13 answers · asked by Tinkerbell** 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The Honeymoon And Fishing
A fellow went off on his honeymoon, and after returning meets up with a friend for a beer and conversation.
The friend, being single and a pervert to boot, begins to inquire as to the festivities of the honeymoon.
"So, Bob, big married man, did ya get any while you were out there?" the friend asks.
Bob just shakes his head. "Ah, you know me. I like to fish. So I just fished."
His friend gasps. "You mean you didn't have no sex? C'mon, Bob, tell me at least got a b-l-o-w-j-o-b!"
Bob again shakes his head. "Naw, she had pyorrhea, so I just fished. You know I like to fish."
His friend replies, "Bob, she's your god damn wife! She's gotta give it up when you say! You should just made her do it!"
Bob replies, "Nah, she had gonorrhea, and you know me. I like to fish, so I just fished."
His friend, now quite upset, says, "What?! Why didn't ya just pork it up her a-s-s?"
"Well," says Bob, "she had diarrhea...and you know me, I like to fish. So I just fished."
His friend, totally exasperated by this point, shouts at him, "Jesus! Why'd you marry this sick ***** anyway?!"
Bob replies, "Well, she got worms, and you know how I like to fish..."
2006-07-13 17:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company.
One day, the dog starts chasing butterflies, and before long, he discovered he was lost. Wandering about, he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dog thought, "Oh boy, I'm in deep doo-doo now." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dog exclaimed loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halted his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror came over him, and slinked his way into the trees. "Whew", said the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he went. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans, and struck a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat was furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
The dog saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thought, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them yet.
Just when they got close enough to hear, the dog said, "Where's that monkey? I can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back yet!!"
2006-07-13 18:07:33 · answer #2 · answered by boter_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK here goes
Yo mama's so nasty a skunked smelled her *** and passed out.
Yo mama's so nasty she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
Yo mama's so old she knew the dead sea when it was sick.
Yo mama's so ugly her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama's so ugly her face is closed on the weekends.
Yo mama's so ugly not even a blind man wouldn't sleep with her.
Yo mama's so ugly her shadow ran away after the first night.
Yo mama's so ugly if she were a scarecrow all the corn would run away.
Yo mama's so ugly Medusa is jealous.
Yo mama's so ugly she makes onions cry.
Yo mama's so ugly she made little blind kids cry.
Yo mama's so ugly when she was born they put her in an incubator with tinted windows.
Yo mama's so big she roller skates on buses
I hope my jokes were good
THANX FOR READING
2006-07-13 18:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kahmillionaire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to all MExicans:
How do you get Mexicans to fight each other?
Drop A penny.
How do you determine the richest man/ woman in MExico?
Whoever gets the penny!
2006-07-13 18:16:46 · answer #4 · answered by STAN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did Jessica Simpson bring a ladder to the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house :)
2006-07-13 18:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by dishwasher67 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two brothers 4 and 6 decide it's time for them to start cussing, 6 year old says:
"When we go down for breakfast I'll say something with word damn in it and you say something with word a_s in it"
4 year old agrees. When they came down for breakfast mom asks them:
"What do you boys want for breakfast?"
6 year old says: "I'll have damn cheerios" mom drops everything she's doing and starts yelling at the boy, he runs up the stairs crying with mom in hot pursuit, she tells him to get in his room and not leave until she tells him to. She comes back downstairs and asks 4 year old what he wants for breakfast, he answers:
"I don't know mom but you can bet your fat a_s it won't be cheerios"
2006-07-13 18:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by enya0301 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I called to make an appointment for my 1st mammography; the girl says....Do you have implants? Surprized I said, NO, but do you have an extra set there? I CAN REALLY USE THEM!!!!! She laughed.
2006-07-13 18:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by Profran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here's a simple and corny one!
why is 7 afraid of 8?
because 7 ate 9.
(8)
2006-07-13 18:07:51 · answer #8 · answered by Kathryn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay well,
******I found out that i am really i guy, my parakeet died, i got in a car wreck, got sued for 400,000 dollars, forgot to pay my bill and now im living in a cardboard box, my liver failed, my hamster had a heart attack, my cardbox box burned down, a bowling ball landed on my hand and now i have a steel hook for a hand, and i met a magic genie who gave me three wishes, and i wasted them on this: i wished i had a hand, so i got a barbie's hand, i wished i had a house, so i got a polly pockets house, i wished i had a warm fire to sit by, but my polly pocket house fell in so i tried to get it out and burnt off my barbie hand. and the worst part is, this is the best day of my whole life!!!!!!!
heres another one
******Once apon a time there was a monkey and a rabbit. one day they went to an ice cream parlor to get some ice cream. the rabbit got peppermint and the monkey got triple chocolate. they went out side to eat thier ice cream,and they were only outside for like 2 minutes and it all melted. that made the monkey and the rabbit sad. so they were very bored.then the monkey said "wanna go to the county fair?" but then they realized that they had no money because they spent it on ice cream.then, they thought of the most fun thing EVER that did not cost them any money at all! they would make.......................................a SANDWHICH!!!!!!! they were so excited! but they found out that they had no bread! they got all their hopes up and they were so sad. ill continue this story later...........ok im back now. anyways, then they decided to go swimming since it was such a hot day. but when they got there, the public pool was closed for the day. everything was going wrong! then the monkey said "everything is going wrong!" " i agree", said the rabbit. one day about a 2 or 3 weeks later, the rabbit got very sick. so sick that she couldnt get out of bed. the monkey took her to the doctors office to see what was wrong with her. the doctor told them that the rabbit had a bad heart disease and she only had about 24 hours to live. the rabbit would of cried, but she was to weak.the next day was one of the saddest days of the monkeys life, because the microwave was broken................also because the rabbit died that day. the monkey could no longer make tv dinners......................and go get icecream with the rabbit. so, to this day, the monkey has to have pop up waffles instead of peas,potatoes and chicken tv dinners..................and he has to live by himself. well, thats the end of the story, hope you enjoyed it!
also...........
********there were 3 chienese guys that all went to the mall. one went to the kitchen store and learned how to say forks and knives. oen went to th ecandy store and learned to say goody goody gumdrops. then , one went to the music stor eand learned to sing, ME ME ME!!!! all of a sudden they were all in a desert and a dead guy was laying in front of them. a police office came by and said, who did this? the guy who went to the music shop said me me me! the police officer said how did you kill him? the guy who went to the kitchen store said forks and knives. then the officer said how do you feel about this? the guy who went to the candy store replied, goody goody gumdrops.
next...
********one time, my brother told me i was adopted. it was funny. not then, but it is now
well, i hope you got some good laughs out of that
have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-13 18:22:54 · answer #9 · answered by fuzz_bucket06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yo mama theeth r so yellow cars slow down when they see them
2006-07-13 18:12:39 · answer #10 · answered by J bean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋