any Jesus jokes?

Question

bible related jokes, any

Answer 1

jesus walked into a bar...

Answer 2

OK, this is long, so have patience (hope its worth 10 points)

Jesus, Moses and some really old dude were playing golf one day. Moses went first, he hit a ball off the tee, it went over a big tree, and it was just about to go into the water trap...Moses lifted up his hands, then the water parted, allowing the ball to run through it and landed 10 feet from the hole. Jesus was next. He hit the ball, over the big tree, and headed for the water trap. Jesus raised his hand, then the ball just rolled on the water, and went within 5 feet of the hole. The the old dude was up. He was barely able to put the ball on the tee. He swung back, and almost fell over. Moses and Jesus had to hold him up. The old dude tried again, hit the ball..and it hit the big tree. A squirrel was in the tree, climbed out of it, grabbed the ball and began to run toward the water trap. An eagle, who was perched on the tree, saw the squirrel and went down toward it. The eagle picked up the squirrel by the back of the neck (he was still holding onto the ball), and flew over the water trap. The eagle placed the squirrel gently on the green, and he ran up to the hole and put it right inside. The old man said "Hole in One" Jesus said...."Nice Shot, DAD".

Answer 3

I love Jesus Christ, however, I do not believe in idols or images about him because no one knows what he looks like.

So here's a joke about the cross.


One day a guy was jogging around a big nieghborhood when suddenly, he needed to take a dump. He needed to go really badly and this one felt like diarrhea. So the closest place he could take a dump was at a church. He immediatly ran in and saw a private bathroom. When he entered the bathroom he noticed a large crucifix behind the tiolet on the wall and he immediatly sat down on the toilet and did his duty. Then suddently something eerie happened. One of the nails of the crucifix fell down next to his foot. He picked it up and placed it back to the hand of the statue. A few minutes later the nail falls down again and he picked it up and placed it back up. He is still sitting in the toilet and after another few minutes it happened again, this time two of the nails falls down. He picks it up and places them back to the crucifix. Now, to the reader, do you know what is happening in the story? Why does the nails keep falling? Here's why. First stick out both of your arms out like in the crucifix. Now get one of your hand and cover your nose. And that's why the nails keep falling down.

Answer 4

its not really funny when you make jokes at Jesus, but here one not in the bible' did Jesus had sex'

Answer 5

....U must be looking to burn in hell sweetie...can't or won't...I'm trying to make it to Heaven....aw... OK, u twisted my arm. Here goes.....

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

Answer 6

.. i dont like makin jesus jokes because its wrong.....

he died for us the most painfuless death and people make jokes about him... to repay him.. just wrong..

but i just heard this......

i aint gonna laugh at it but.. just want your opinion....

jesus was at the disco and had trouble dancing.. so he said,
Help!, i've risen and i can't get down..

Answer 7

Yes...

Jesus loves knee mail.

Answer 8

when was baseball first mentioned in bible










In the big-inning

Answer 9

nnoooooooo..........no definitly not but iii's gots myselfs 2 points