Need More Jokes?

Question

I'm a real comedian but am drying up on laughs...need lots more jokes and real fast. Don't care what type just need them fast! First person to make me want to wet myself from laughter wins the 10 points!

Answer 1

Cerificate For Sex

There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day.

The first fellow said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"

So, the first fellow did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How'd it turn out?"

The first fellow replied, "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'!"

Answer 2

HER DIRECTIONS:
80....(SF)....just after the weight station near Cordelia (I think) will be an exit for 14...Sonoma and Napa....take it.....follow it all the way through.....till you end up in Fairfield...there is a signal next to...a Beer joint I think it is....I don't know...but you merge to the right which turns into a lil 2 lane freeway dealy....go through the signal...go over the bridge thing....then when you get to the next signal....make a left to go to Death Valley.... you'll be on Carneros Hwy....then you will come to a sort of dead end with a blinking red light....turn right....the road will give you a choice to go straight or veer right.....VEER RIGHT. stay on this road till you see a buncha power stuff...ya know, those big metal thingamajigs....there will be a stop sign...you can either go straight or turn right on Lincoln ...well...turn right....follow that to the end....its kinda a long way....you will hit old Bluewood Hwy....turn right on old Bluewood.....follow it down...past the 8ball (a bar that will show up on the right) which is in Cotati....stay on this road and just get on the freeway....you will pass an exit....then just get off at Wilfred Ave....just off the offramp there is a signal....turnl eft...then go straight through the next one and under the overpass....go straight.....you will see Pep Boys straight in front of you. You can chill there if you want or go to Wal Mart which you can't miss....it's in the same parking lot with Home Depot and Arby's.


HIS DIRECTIONS:
80 West
Exit 14
Exit 121 (Left at Light)
Exit 116 (Veer right)
RT Lincoln Road
RT Old Bluewood
RT Myrtle
RT Lancster
RT Lassen St

Answer 3

A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the Deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.

"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.

"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "I'm gonna f*ck ya' anyway."

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

Answer 4

after a lot of research they hav finally found the course of divorce.


and it is


marrige

Answer 5

yo mama's so fat she sat next to everyone,but yet she wasn't as fat as yo papa.