Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

confusion at its best. The truth lies in this. Im
closer to nothing then ive ever been. the horrible
reality is, i dont really exist. to find out the
correct answer is true bliss. just dont blink or you
might miss. Just what you learn to regret. and dont
keep looking for it or you will start to stress. life
comes like a puzzle, a total mess. Take your time, it
all fits.
Tell me how the poem makes u feel. im looking for some feed back. I wrote this about 5 years ago and never showed anyone....

2006-06-25 21:40:48 · 10 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

First one to make me laugh gets the 10.
=)

2006-06-25 21:29:43 · 46 answers · asked by zjhzhxhf 1

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!! It start like this.

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,

Marian $hih

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

2006-06-25 21:29:27 · 8 answers · asked by fact finder 1

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act.

Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed.

Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.

Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

2006-06-25 21:19:47 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

2006-06-25 21:04:28 · 7 answers · asked by ryn 2

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the
creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were
fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered
the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." George W. said,
"No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George W. said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign
them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in
TV and stereo headset!"

George W. was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't
look like you are handicapped?"

The kid replied, "I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your
*** from drowning."

Funny comments anybody...anybody? Hello? Are you there?
Where is there?

SmileyCat : )

2006-06-25 21:02:34 · 7 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

She walks up to the counter and demands immediate service.
Woman: Give me some fish and chips now you ugly looking scumbag (I'm a christian and I'm not swearing). I want them now, GIVE ME THE FISH AND CHIPS NOW!
The poor chappie who was working in the shop was put back.
Man: You shouldn't talk to people like that, its very rude.
Woman: Get stuffed and gimme my food now.
Man: I won't unless you speak properly to me.
Woman: How the heck am I supposed to speak?
Man: Be polite that's how. I know why don't you come round here and I'll be the custamer, then I'll show you.
So the woman obliges. The man walks aout the shop, then walks back in again with a smile on his face.
Man: My good woman could I please can I have a portion of chips and a lovely fish please?
Woman: Get stuffed creep, you wouldn't serve me when I was round there so what makes you think I'll give you anything Bog off.

2006-06-25 20:47:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's a cold winter afternoon and just as it's warming up, police are stumped. Earlier, a man was murdered on his front sidewalk. The culprit managed to get away. Police say the culprit was waiting for the man to come out of his front door and stabbed him from behind. All that was left at the murder scene was the body, footprints,and water on the ground. Witnesses to the crime say that the murderer had no weapon in his/her possesion as they were running off. But if the man was stabbed, what was he stabbed with?

2006-06-25 20:44:05 · 7 answers · asked by Me 2

need glasses? i swear i saw what i saw but i didn't see what i thought i saw but then i swear i saw it again!! HELp mE!!!!

oh yeah have you met my new boyfriend??? I know you have! hehe

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiNhZyVHYXobY6gPwLX2a_fsy6IX?qid=20060625215619AAVEZ1K

2006-06-25 20:38:35 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

what is long , black , and sweaty?

2006-06-25 20:29:12 · 10 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

and just does a nasty poo poo on the floor. (for those who don't know what a poo poo is its one of those smelly nasty things you do in the loo. I'm not swearing I'm a Christian.)
Eventually a bloke walks in, doesn't se the poo and skids on it and smashes his face on the bar.
Not long after another bloke walks in doesn't see the nasty stuff he to skids on the smelly stuff and smacks face on the bar.
The first bloke says 'I've just done that.'
So the second bloke punched him in the face

2006-06-25 20:15:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple went to a spouse swapping party. They met a extraterrestrial couple and thought it would be nice to switch partners for the night. So they went off with the opst spouse. When the woman saw the male martians' pen*s she said "Kind of short isn't it?"
Well the martian reached up and patted his head. While he did that his thing got longer and longer. The woman saw that and said "That's nice but it's not very fat is it?" The martian reached up and pulled on his ears while doing so his pen*s got fatter and fatter. The women had a grand time that night. In the morning the couple were comparing their experience. The woman said "I really enjoyed myself, we should swap again." The man said "I enjoyed it too but, I just can't figure out why she kept patting my head and pulling my ears!"

2006-06-25 20:08:48 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-06-25 20:08:27 · 14 answers · asked by RIYA 1

2006-06-25 20:04:44 · 5 answers · asked by Rick s 1

continue the sequence
192
021
222
324
252
627
2....?

2006-06-25 19:43:15 · 10 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

2006-06-25 19:42:31 · 8 answers · asked by blueblast66 1

192
021
222
324
252
627
2....?

2006-06-25 19:39:20 · 7 answers · asked by perfect_demise 2

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Why did the judge send the painting to prison?
A: Because it was framed!

Hehe... Ok. Time for today's riddle:

If two wrongs don't make a right, what did two rights make?

Another easy one for ya. Have fun! :)

2006-06-25 19:34:34 · 17 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

I speak with not more than two tounges.

2006-06-25 19:17:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-25 19:16:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 travelers stopped at a motel and asked the night clerk for a room. the clerk said the room was $30 for the night and each guest handed over $10 and went to the room for the night. the next morning when the day clerk came in, the night clerk told him of renting the room the night before. the day clerk said the room should have only been $25 and gave the night clerk 5 one dollar bills and told him to take it to room and give it back to them. on the way he realized that it would be too difficult to split $5 three ways, so he put $2 in his pocket and gave each of the guest $1 a peice. so... if the guest originally paid $10 a peice and was given $1 back, they ended up paying $9 a peice, which is $27. plus the $2 the night clerk put in his pocket is $29. what happened to the other dollar?

2006-06-25 18:57:44 · 18 answers · asked by charles r 2

I need answers. ty

2006-06-25 18:52:23 · 14 answers · asked by The Beatmaster 2

2006-06-25 18:41:59 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ex."I love you like a fat kid loves cake" or "I love you like Jared loves Subway"

2006-06-25 18:32:56 · 8 answers · asked by Miss B Allyn 1

2006-06-25 18:10:44 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man rushes into a bar a says to the bartender, "Quick, set me up seven shots of tequila."

The bartender grabs the glasses, lines them up, and starts pouring.

The man starts grabbing the glasses as they're filled and tossing them back, one after the other.

As the man downs the 3rd shot, the barkeep asks, "Celebrating something?"

"Yep," says the man the downs the 4th. "My first blow`job," and then the 5th.

"Ok, but why 7 shots of tequilla?" ask the bartender.
"Because, if seven won't get the taste out of my mouth, then nothing will!"

2006-06-25 18:09:56 · 14 answers · asked by Andrew P 3

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a country road
when he passed by a three-legged chicken. He stepped on the gas, but at fifty miles per hour the chicken was still ahead. After a few miles, the chicken ran up a driveway and into a barn behind an old farmhouse.
The salesman drove up to the house and knocked at the door. When he told the farmer what he'd just seen, the farmer said that his son was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken so that he, his wife, and his son could each get a drumstick.
The salesman said,"That's fantastic.How do they taste?"The farmer said,"I don't know. We can't catch them."....

lol?

2006-06-25 18:06:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

leave the dark side?? I had recently joined because they offered cookies but I think this was a half baked scheme what do you think?

Note: I am only SIX months old!

2006-06-25 17:56:19 · 13 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

2006-06-25 17:41:34 · 13 answers · asked by west side! 2

Horny Anyone?

2006-06-25 17:36:11 · 8 answers · asked by tani_12_23 1